I've posted here before but today I'm going to go abit more in detail about
myself hopefully I would get responses helping me figure things out.
I'm an only child to my parents. At the age of 8- 10 years my elder cousin brother would sexually abuse me. I grew up pretty lonely as I got older I dated alot of guys and left them for a better one. I have had three boyfriends with whom I was for a span of few months,except the last one with whom my relation ended and I was in depression. Anyhow whenever I was in these relations I ended up cheating on the guys.except my last boyfriend whom I just loved beyond limits however he didn't trust me for obvious reasons so I lived in his shadow becoming mad working hard to gain his trust eventually he left me for another woman. It broke me completely.
Recently I have been seeing my best friend. I had been to a trip to another city and my girlfriends called their guy friends over. It freaked me out as my best friend and me have a long distance,so I never told him but he found out. He said I lied and his trust in me was broken.I felt shattered when he accused me of cheating the way I had with my other boyfriends. Being my bet friend he knew everything. I felt bad as I had sworn to never ever cheat on any guy. He would keeping treating me bad n I was torn between him and missing my ex who I loved alot.
Today he accused me of lying yet again ! It hurts me caz today it felt all wrong. A couple of days back I went out with my friends I informed him but called him only after I returned home. When I did he was annoyed asked me who I was sleeping with I said I was with friends that soon he would see pictures of us. He asked me to tell him where I was etc. And I did.... And today he says I never told him I do been to my friend (a girls) house !
I really felt angry as I knew I was telling the truth. We fought and he abused me and asked me about
who I had slept with. He said I ha lied once I could lie to him always that once a cheater always a cheater. He broke up with me.
I feel sick and hurt and lonely. Today when I haven't done anything I was accused and abused and left ! I loved my ex so much and I worked so hard was humiliated by people but I still worked hard to gain his trust. And today I haven't done anything still I'm in a place where I have ruined another relation.
I hate myself. I feel depressed and hurt and hatred for myself. I have hurt alot of people and hence I'm getting it all back.
I wish it stopped.
Do you think my image as a cheater would ever go away? Why do I cheat?
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”