not sure how I got here

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/11/2010 2:32 AM (GMT -6)   
I was planning my wedding at the beginning of this year.
Insead of talking through our issues, my fiance walked out the door and broke up with me in a text message. He had told me that he never meant to ask me to marry him and to get all my things and leave. It has been 6 months and I have not spoken with him since. Im not sure how to handle being alone. This feeling that im feeling is something ive never experienced. I have been diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder and anxiety. I've experienced it all but what I am going through now is too hard to handle.
Im so full of emotion that I am emotionless. I spend my time, when im not throwing myself into my work, at the bars and with different men. I guess im trying to fill the sting of loneliness with these guys that in the end make me feel worse and even more alone than before. I have no medical insurance and have been off all meds for three years. My car just recently stopped working on me. I moved back in with my family who just sees me as a disappointment and makes that clearly known. I don't have any true friends because we all grew apart. The friends that I do have take advantage of me, use me and don't do anyting but bring drama into my life. I realize they do this but I would rather have those friends than none right now.
I am working for a little over minimum wage now because when I moved back home, I couldn't commute such long distance to the job I had. I found a job close to where im staying at now and am working part time, Im broke. I was dating a guy more recently who just went to jail and im going to the doctors tomorrow because I think im pregnant with his child, we'll see. I have not seen my father in 6 years and just learned that he is not well. The last time I had spoken to him, he told me that I was the reason that he is a bad father.
I can't sleep at night, I have become bitter and angry, depressed and confussed. I hate who I am.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 8/11/2010 5:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi LifeisCrazy2010

Firt of all I would like to welcome you to the Healing Well Depression Forum, you will find yourself amongst friends here who really do care about you. We are like a big family made up of all personalities and nationalities but we do care about each other.

Okay, now where to start with how you are feeling. I think you are feeling like everyone's bashin ball at the moment, you're an easy target to be blamed for things that you had no control over. Ditch the friends, they are not true friends and they certainly don't care about you.

When you go to the doctor, you need to tell him everything and he will be able to organise some counselling for you, if you are pregnant you probably won't be able to go back onto meds but the doctor will know what to do in that regard. How long in the baby's father in gaol for? Will he stand by you when he comes out? Do you think you two will make a life together? I know a lot of questions and a lot to think about, but they are things that you have to seriously think about and take action on.

I wish you all the luck in the world. I hope that you will continue posting and let us know how you are doing.
Kind Regards

Harrington 49

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 8/11/2010 8:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lifeiscrazy2010,
It sure sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now.  Harrington is right though, since you are pregnant, it is doubtful that the doc will put you on any meds, so counseling will be the way to go.
Take really good care of yourself right now, make the baby the top priority in your life.  That will give you direction.  How long do you think your bf will be in jail?  Do you think he will be a part of the childs life?  Have you told him yet? 
Keep posting and let us know how it is going.  Know that we are here for you.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
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