Ugh. Started as soon as I woke up. It's everything and nothing. First off, my father in law passed away and of July. I stayed strong for my husband and his family. I didn't break down and I wasn't depressed.
I've been reading this book about a Medium and some of her experiences with readings. It brought up memories of my grandparents. There was more than one point in that book when I cried. Still not done reading it. But I truly believe that spirits of loved ones are watching us.
Anyway, I don't know if that caused the depression. It just came on suddenly. My anxiety meds are helping but I still can't seem to shake this feeling that something is wrong. That I'm waiting for the last shoe to fall and I'm dreading it.
I can't even explain it. I just feel sad for no real reason. I know I had been hypo manic during the funeral time. This could just be simply the fall out. But I haven't been really SAD for a long time. Like I could just ...
That's it. Like I could completely lose it and have a breakdown. It's like I'm very close to feeling the way I felt when I went into the hospital the last time. But why? I have to hold myself together. It's like you have this band aid on and it's losing it's stickiness. You're pulling on it trying to keep it on to cover the wound but it keeps loosening up. I feel like if that band aid comes off I'll fall apart. This too shall pass. One minute, one hour, one day at a time. Man, this is hard. I'm getting too old for this crap.
Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder (and about a dozen other things)
60mg Prevacid RIP
2mg Niravam (Xanax)