I really could use someone's help, I feel hopeless and lost...

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/20/2010 2:58 PM (GMT -6)   
I really don't know what else to do, because I don't want to go to therapy, I'm about to start college and there's a lot else going on in my family.
I feel like I don't really know myself anymore, and I'm not sure I ever really have. I change a lot, whether it is my outside appearance, or my personal choices. I've been dating someone for about 3 years now, and he has some doubts about therapy and medical treatment to deal with personal issues. We've had a lot of problems over the last year or so... He has some problems too, and I think he is schitzophrenic...he's talked about it sometimes but he won't seek medical attention. He has a really idealistic view of what people can be, and he feels like I, and he, and we, should be able to be near-perfect. But, I am pretty argumentative sometimes and I get threatened very easily because of trust issues between the two of us. I've done a lot of stupid things to create drama and problems, but once I do them I feel like there's no way of fixing them. I feel like I'm stuck in one place and can't move forward. Before I met him, I did a lot of things for attention.
He has impacted me in a lot of positive ways, don't get me wrong. I feel like he's the one, and I never thought I'd say that about anybody...but emotionally I've hurt him a lot, and he's hurt me too. We're really trying to work it out but I'm not sure what to do anymore. When I start college, I'll be going to the same one that he does. A lot of what I'm dealing with does center around our relationship, but there's a lot more to it. I used to tell a lot of my friends a lot (too much) of what went on in my life, and that hurt my relationship because for the first year and a half or more I was keeping that from the person I was closest to. When things went really bad a few months ago, I told him a lot of those things. I really thought I could change, and it would all be better- but because of the things I've said and done he trusts me very little.
We got into another argument via texting (we hardly ever talk on the phone anymore... it's really sad) last night and I ended up hurting myself, which I've done a lot over the course of my life. I've done some terrible things to myself. This only upsets him more, but I don't know how to stop...I really don't want to hurt him, or anybody. But lately I've just felt like giving up completely, because I'm not even sure who I am or what I'm supposed to be like. It's like this huge mental block and all I do is cry or argue. I feel like I've lost nearly all my values as a person, and I'm not sure what to feel.
Please help me.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 8/20/2010 5:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kite,
First of all, welcome to the depression forum.  I am truly glad that you have joined us.  This is a wonderful forum with wonderful members on it. 
There is no set rules on how we should feel and what we should feel.  Everybody is different and it takes time to find out who you are, what you like and don't like.  You are at a time of growing in that aspect so don't be so hard on yourself.  Just take life one day at a time.  There is no hurry with this process, you learn as you go.  Keep posting,
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 8/20/2010 9:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kite

I think you do need therapy. I think sometimes having a third person who is not in the relationship but who you can talk to and vent to is a good thing, I would definitely consider it for both of you but if he doesn't want to go then I really think you should. To me it sounds like you take too much notice of him and you do what he wants you to do. I think you should try doing something for you now and see what happens.

I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope you will keep posting.
Kind Regards

Harrington 49

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 8/20/2010 10:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kite,

I completely agree with harrington49. I would also recommend that sometimes the first therapist you speak to won't be the one for you. Not all therapists are the same and it may take some searching to find the one that helps YOU. So please don't give up on therapy if you don't find the right help right away!
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