I feel like a burden...

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 151
   Posted 8/30/2010 1:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I am going thru great anxiety right now.  I feel as if I am causing everyone problems.  This Friday I am having outpatient surgery.  I broke my wrist and they are going to remove the schaphoid bone and the second row of the small bones in my left wrist.  My dad, unfortunatly is in the early stages of dementia and my sister have to work.  They are coming up to the surgery center.  Origionally my best freind was going to take me but she somehow got messed up on the weekend so my boss is taking me.  I will be in a splint and cannot use my hand at all for 10 days till I go back to the surgeon and they remove the splint, check the inscision and put a cast on.  They will also be putting pins or screws in my wrist.  My boss first said I would stay at their house Thur. and Fri. night.  I then planned to go to my apt. Sat. because I have to keep the hand elevated and my bed at my dads is  my old twin.  My boss then said I would stay at their place til I go back to work on Tue.  Origionally my sister wanted to go  home to her husband and take dad.  I said that was fine.  The problem is that I think my sister was hopeing I could come by each day several times to take care of my dads dog, which I can't.  I think she thinks my surgery is no big deal.  No, it isn't heart surgery or anything that major but I think it is fairly major.  I just feel that about anything I do anymore causes problems for other people.  Sometimes I think about canceling the sx because I feel it is too much for everyone and everyone has their own problems and I do not want to be a pain or problem to anyone.  It seems no matter what I do, it is never right.  I cannot please anyone.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/30/2010 3:13:33 PM (GMT-6)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 8/30/2010 4:12 PM (GMT -6)   
You are just feeling negatively because you are depressed. You aren't a burdern to anybody and remember that. It sounds like you are being well thought of and I think you are over exagerating what is going on in your mind. You should only have to check the dog a couple times a day if your sister takes your dad temporarily. So I wouldn't worry about that too much. Just as long as he has water and food. And gets to go out a couple of times a day.

I am giving your post a title. I hope that you can find it.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 8/30/2010 4:51 PM (GMT -6)   
It sounds as though you really need this surgery. And it doesn't have to be heart surgery to be important. I think you need to concentrate on getting your surgery taken care of
and then work on your recovery. I know this is not pleasant to think of but you will most
likely have pain. And you may need some medication to help control your pain. I don't see how you will be in any condition to go each day and take care of your dad's dog.
I think you need to have a talk with your sister, tell her you must only concentrate on yourself during this time and take the help that your boss or friends are offering you.
If your sister is so worried about the dog then she can go over and take care of it or there are countless dog walking and sitting services that she can hire. Why can't she take the dog to her house?  You are not causing any one problems. You are the one who has the problem which is you need your
surgery. Anyone who is making you feel bad or guilty about this is not showing the proper concern and caring that you deserve. How does your sister think you will get to
your dad's house? I doubt you could drive. I think it needs to be very clearly explained to your sister exactly what your surgery involves which is a lot and that if her area of help  is with your dad then she must help him including taking care of the dog. Your boss is willing to help you and take any help your friends can provide. Please don't cancel your surgery. I feel that anyone who thinks you are causing problems is someone who is covering their own feelings of guilt for not coming to your aid.
Please post and tell us how things are working out.
Gentle hugs,

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 1/3/2011 10:41 AM (GMT -6)   
First, you need to be honest with yourself and then with your family.
To be honest, it's not that much of a big deal if she was expecting you to take care of something. You just need to communicate. You're right it's no major surgery so I really don't think you should have a negative attitude about helping out. And maybe you're feeling very negative on your own because nothing you said really relates back to you being a burden? At least not to me. I think you just need to chill out. It's not biggie expecting help from your own sister. If you really can't do it then talk to her about it.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 1/3/2011 1:20 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with what Karen, Aurora & Sherex wrote about going through with surgery & trying to think more positively. Also, no one can make everyone happy all the time. You are not responsible for other people's happiness. If you can't take care of your dad's dog due to your surgery, maybe you could have your doctor explain that to your sister. If it's just too much stress, then say so. Maybe a neighbor kid could come over to let the dog out for a few days while you are recovering.

take care & good luck with surgery,

It's Genetic
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1540
   Posted 1/3/2011 2:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Good ideas, folks,

The surgery alone stresses one. Quiet and rest are important for the first
few days at least. The best things going for Chelsi are her youth, her eagerness to get well and assistance being offered.

A neighbor who knows the situation would likely be happy to take the dog
out once a day if someone else could manage it the second time; another
neighbor, maybe, or a friend after work?

Take care, Chelsi.

It's Genetic
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