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mental abuse from fiance: questioning my own sanity.

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Posted 1/28/2005 4:52 AM (GMT -7)
Ok, I'll just get to the point here and would so love anyone's thoughts on my issue:
I've been seeing this man for well over 3 and a 1/2 years in which; I've caught him in lies, he's been on 'seeking females' personal sites..

*He went back to wife without telling me ( And yes, we'd still been dating then )...we're now engaged.

*He's controling and isolating me; won't even allow me to go see my own brother for a simple visit...I am disallowed to go anywhere without him

*His 18 yr old daughter who has an incredible anger problem has abuse me by shoving me, I banged my head against a wall and she *proceeded to kick me when I was down, with steel-toed boots....( 'he' didn't protect me in anyway )...and no, I was never given an apology, just called an f**** psycho.

*He has always refused my access to the Internet, I've foolishly chnaged my personal cell and phone number for him to appease him...
*He's constantly accusing me of things I do NOT do... ie: look at other men...
*And just last night, I needed his help to replace the heating fan in my vehicle...I'm truly stuck as I dare not go out anywhere in bad, freezing weather. I've been needing this repaired for 3 weeks now. He came up with a fan, but no tools.. NOTHING to work with.
*Well, to cut the story short, he left me with a vehicle and parts torn out of it..not replaced and NO fan replaced. He left last night with throwing my depression in my face before I told him to leave MY home, he said, " I'm sure you'll have many men in your bed tonight and they'll roll out in the morning to fix your fan!" And with that, he slammed my door, left me isolated re: the vehicle ( which is his intention all along and with no contact with anyone, not allowed friends etc )
*My health has been very poor as far as 'he and his daughter' are concerned. I've been hospitalized once, and I'm seeing my doctor and counselor about all this.
I can't do it any longer....the abuse is incredible and my body and mind reacts violently with anxiety, worry, physical issues ( stomach cramps, heartburn and headaches, etc )...he's not happy that I go see these professionals either.

Ok, please, any advise, thoughts etc..anything would be welcome. I've been questioning my own judgement/sanity, too as he's been twisting my mind so much.

Feeling terribly sad and violated...

Belfast Child

 

Posted 1/28/2005 6:23 AM (GMT -7)
Run!!! Please get away from that situation and don' t let him kmow where you are going. Your life might be in danger. You do not deserve such treatment and have to protect yourself. Please talk to a professional who could help you see more clearly. You are in my prayers!
Tabbee
Posted 1/28/2005 7:44 AM (GMT -7)
I can not agree more. This type of abuse will not stop. Well, maybe, when you end up in the hospital or worse. This man (I use the word very lightly) is not one you want to stay with. He has serious  mental health issues. First chance and I do mean the first chance you get leave! Go to a trusted family or friend. Don't be afraid to tell them whats going on. If you have no one like that go to a womens shelter. And don't go back, no matter what he says. There is no "sorry, I"ll change " in the world you should believe. And don't start thinking you don't want to get him in trouble and you love him. Maybe you do, but he doesn't.

Posted 1/28/2005 8:15 AM (GMT -7)

Belfast Child,

 

I've been through this already. It gets bad. With me it got to the point that I had a 50% change of living if I stayed at home (I also had a 2 yr daughter) and 50% chance if I left. Because of course they make you believe they will hunt you down and kill you by this point.

 

If you have a battered womens number in your area, call them. Even if your not ready to leave yet. Ask them what you should do to get ready in the mean time. I got rid of any phone numbers I didn't want him to have, paperwork, etc.

 

The problem is that you won't leave until your ready to leave. My mother bought me the book "The burning Bed". She said I would end up like that if I didn't do anything....I finally told my parents one night when my husband was going to shoot a neighbor and I hid his gun. He was banging me against the wall so that I would tell him where it was. Luckily for me he had to go to the bathroom. So I took off. I have to wear glasses to drive, and I didn't have them so I drove slowly to my parents house and told them what had been going on the past few years.

 

Please listen to someone who stayed too long and is lucky to be alive. Don't stay, but leave safely. Don't tell him your leaving. Get support or if possible stay in a battered womens shelter. You can find them in the phone book or on the internet.

 

Please listen

Posted 1/28/2005 1:39 PM (GMT -7)
Leave ASAP. Everyone here is right. I was mentally abused for years and put up with it because of my chronic illnesses. When I finally got out of the situation I realized just how broken down and depressed I had become. Once you are in a healthier enviornment your outlook will definately improve. It may hurt to leave him but how much are you hurting now? At least your future will be brighter w/o him whereas things will only get worse if you stay. Good Luck.
Posted 1/28/2005 2:02 PM (GMT -7)
Girl, I couldn't agree more with everybody. It's hard enough dealing with the issues WE have to deal with, much less having someone throw it in OUR face. If this man loved you he wouldn't do any of these things, much less allow his daughter to assault you in that fashion!!!! It will only get worse, and I know it's hard to accept the truth sometimes, because I'm sure you love him or else you wouldn't be engaged. But girl it won't get any better so flee as soon as you can. Get a restraining order do what ever you can to seperate yourself from this situation. I really fear for your safety!! So plz call your brother, find someone else to help you fix your car. Just get out of this situation ASAP!!! for your own good!

Be well hun, Bright blessings your way. You're definately in my thoughts!!!!
~Tina~

And Plz let us know how things are for you PLZ
Posted 1/28/2005 3:10 PM (GMT -7)

          It pains me to hear of your situation. You DO NOT need to be treated this  way, no one does.  Get away from him ASAP. You can do this! You've taken the first step by asking for help here.  Take it one day at a time and remind yourself often that you deserve nothing less than the best.

          In my area you can go to the emergency room at the hospital and ask for a "safe bed". Sometimes you can stay until you find other accomendations They can direct you with information on shelters etc.  Your name is only available to the medical staff . Usually your name is even kept off the list of patients registered.

          Please don't wait any longer to get away from this person.  Just do it.

           Obviously by the number of  response here, there are quite a few of us that are truely concerned for your well being.Please keep us posted as to how you are doing.

                      seekingsupport

Posted 1/29/2005 7:56 AM (GMT -7)
Leave NOW and don't look back. I stayed and ended up having seizires that are now poorly controled by medication, while the one who did that to me is living a nice life. I am still suffering. Please listen to what everyone has told you and get out. You are in my prayers. Mary
Posted 1/29/2005 10:48 AM (GMT -7)
Oh Belfast Child. Hugs and prayers to you. This man doesn't love you and never will. He is not capable of that. The longer you stay with him the worse it will be for you. You will never have a chance at happiness. You are still sane as you have written down and realize the things that are wrong. Please listen to the people here and make the first step before it's too late. I pray for your safety and peace within. God bless you and keep you.
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