Hi I just wanted to start by saying, I have so much going right now and it's not positive in the least. I am almost 30 years old and I feel like I havent accomplished anything. I'm in emotional turmoil. People see qualities in me that i don't see in myself at all. My self esteem is at an all time low. I've battled body image problems since I was 13, I have always thought I was fat. And had some eating disorders where I was sucessfully able to starve myself, lose the weight and still think I was obese. And now that I'm 30 and an alcoholic, Iv'e gained about 20 pounds. According to people, I'm now fat, I'm womanly and have curves, which I hate. Again, something I dont want but have to accept.
I've never did well in school because I'm unable to focus. I end up haveing luke warm jobs that don't pay well.I live with my sister and I feel like a burden. I'm unable to live on my own which i cant afford.
I always worry about what people think of me and I'm unable to stand up for myself.
I'm currently in a relationship with someone that I love with all my heart but I dont take precedence in his life because of issues that I will probably post in another thread.
I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. I have no benefits or money to see a doctor or a therapist.
I just need perpective and advice on how I can improve myself and have peace of mind and not be unhappy and sad and want to die.
I don't feel like I'm progressing in any way. I can't focus on anything, i just a dreamer. I finally want to take control and make things happen.