hmm? what's in the air? misery? if that's what you meant, I agree!
Thanks for posting to me. I know what causes the dizziness. My skull didn't grow big enough & it puts pressure on my brain (which grew to full size). So there's no question about
The issue is that all this stress is making me crazy (no real mystery there -- losing your home, job & everything else will do that to a person). My doctor said there's no real physical cause for all the stress -- bp spikes high & low, hard time sleeping, hard time concentrating, etc. I've tried antidepressants in the past, but they cause my TSH to skyrocket (which is crazy dangerous) which is not only physically unsafe, but makes me feel even less energy so it basically is worse than nothing. I've also tried counseling, but talking about
things doesn't really help. I saw an art therapist when I first went to counseling & that really helped. Then I had a bunch of awful counselors who just constantly told me that I would never beat the depression unless I stopped taking my pain meds. Several hospital stays & a couple life-threatening infections later, I've learned to reject that advice. The pain meds get me out of bed. My Pain Specialist says I take them responsibly & none of the psychs thought I was an addict or anything, they just felt that there is never a good reason ever to take prescript
ion pain medicine.
Plus, I eventually learned that I had to lie about
my past or the counselors would be so fascinated by the fact that I was horribly beaten while growing up that they would not let me talk about
any of my real problems. I've been to counseling for my childhood (the first counselor I saw was really good with that -- she had been abused herself & really hit a good balance of encouraging me to talk about
it when it was relevant but not digging up my past just to dig it up). At this point, I need to learn to deal with upsetting things in my present life. And the 2 people I saw who did not insist on no pain meds were just convinced that if I spent a full hour hysterical, reliving my past that somehow that would put me in a better place. Yeah. I just felt like there was no hope at all in life & I felt like they just wanted to hurt me. I told them that but they insisted. The last one I quit after attempting suicide twice while under her care. I'm not putting that all on her, but I told her that I was feeling upset about
my life & was feeling worse after our sessions and she would not let up.
So I joined HW & bought a lot of books and committed to trying to learn to handle things better. And while I have a LONG way to go, I think I have been better about
not getting so worked up about
things. But right now there are just a lot of really major things that are going wrong right now. And that's almost more than I can bear. Sometimes it really is too much.
I've tried to get into actual controlled trials in the past, but have been told that because of my birth defect, I do not qualify. But this treatment my PCP is recommending is not even being considered for a trial. It is just something some random person (not even a licensed psych) invented & wrote a book or something about
. And some people decided to start trying it out. Apparently including this MHW that my PCP wants me to see. I am just terrified b/c nothing has been going my way lately & to try something that might even make me physically sick is so scary.
I don't know. Everything is just so overwhelming right now.