Please give me some advice!!!

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/1/2010 12:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Ok... so....

My girlfriend is going through a really hard time along with her other two sisters..
there is fighting everyday between her mom and Boyfriend..
I love my girlfriend a lot and i cant stand the fact that her Mom is a non caring mean person that treats her like crap even though she is a A,B student in highschool and gets good grades and does almost anything she is told/asked to do.


Me and her moms boyfriend are really much against her, YES.. Her own boyfriend cant stand her...
The only reason he is still with her is because of the kids.. My girlfriend,(Age 16) and her two younger sisters.. (9 and 13)
i dont want to call the services on her because the 3 kids really need to be together at all times.. i feel that if they ever get separated that they will break down and never be the same again..
my girlfriend needs to be there for her 13 year old sister.. and she needs to be there for her 9 year old sister..
if i call the services on them, what if i never see them again?
now the reason i would want to call the services is because the family is poor because of one thing.. DRINKING!
the mom constantly drinks almost every night.. she always starts fights with her boyfriend, and they sometimes turn really ugly..
one time, the fight got so bad, she got a hold of her boyfriends gun and threatened to shoot herself in the foot..
my girlfriend seeing her mom doing that, made her run and try to stop her..
she then pointed the gun to her and said she was going to shoot her if she dont leave her alone..
she then fired the unloaded gun at her foot till her boyfriend came towards her and punched her in the nose.
the fight went on till the police came..
nobody mentioned the gun, nor no one mentioned the nose punching..
the thought of seeing my girlfriend in a casket at some funeral home kills me inside..
i want to help her get out but she is only 16..
is there any possible way that she can legally leave out of that house without being reported as a runaway and getting all the kids taken away from each other?
i have been trying to gather this information for a little bit over a year now and i really am getting sick of them always treating the oldest one like crap..

Earlier today, my girlfriend was in the car with her mom and her boyfriend and her sister, and they just came back from picking up her sister from school.
the mom noticed that she was wearing no shoes so she started yelling at her about it. i mean.. yelling yelling..
she started yelling back and saying that she really didnt think she needed shoes since she was only going for a car ride to the school and back and wouldn't need to walk.
her mom then pulls over and tells her to get the FU*% out of the car..
no shoes..
no phone...
no money....
and no idea where she was..
for 45 minutes...
in the middle of a Wendy's parking lot..

that brought me to the limit..
i was ready to call in and tell someone about it..
but she really don't want me to..
she wants to wait till she is 17 so she can leave without being accused as a runaway..
and her birthday is in april...
thats toooooooo long for me..
i need advice on what to do please..
i really dont want to see her and her sister always go through these things.. it sickens me..
but i also dont want to break the bonding.. and the relationship we have can possibly go haywire if they all get taqken away..


i would greatly appreciate it
btw, i am 18 and i just recently turned 18 this month..
that might hopefully help,
or even make things harder..

just give me advice please..

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 9/1/2010 3:08 PM (GMT -6)   
If the situation is bad, yes call somebody.  It is sad to see parents drink like that.  I would be careful if I were you, being that you are 18 and she is only 16.  She is underage and you could get in trouble if things go too far.  I mean with your relationship.  Sexual wise.  If you two aren't, that is great.  Safer for you.
I really don't know what to tell you.  Other than what if you talked to a counselor.  Somebody professional and they could give you some good solid advice.  I know that you don't want to see the children split up.  And if they get taken away, that may happen.  But are they living in fear right now?  Is the conditions unsafe?  If there was a gun involved, that is really dangerous.  Even if it wasn't loaded.  The mother sounds quite unstable.  But the boyfriend doesn't sound as bad.  Can you talk to him? 
I hope that you can get some help in deciding what to do.  It really sounds like you should talk to somebody who knows the system and who can give you some better advice than I can.  But keep posting.  I will give you some teen sites too to post on if you feel like it. 
I get the feeling that the thing holding you back from calling somebody is the thought that you might get seperated from your girlfriend.  I hope that isn't standing in the way of your decision.  Do what is best for her and her siblings.  Keep them safe.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/1/2010 5:19 PM (GMT -6)   
thank you Karen.
and yes that is part of the reason why i don't want to call in, and the boyfriend talks to me, he just doesn't like to think of the fact of leaving.
if he leaves, her mom can't possibly support all three of them..
then what are the three going to do? my father already brings them pizza every Saturday night because he works at a pizza place and gets them for free whenever he likes. Because sometimes they don't even eat because the mom drinks the money away..

me myself, i went through a whole other story of abuse..

i was with my mom for 17 years.. (14 from the 3 year marriage after i was born.) and those were some of the most difficult years in my life..
i would get into arguments with my mom every night, and things would escalate into me calling the cops, and when they came, she turned everything on me.
after a while i got sick of it and told my counselor at school..
she didn't like hearing that..
so when she came home that night, she grabbed a porcelain turkey and bashed it over my head several times..
thats when i saw the chance for me to shine..
i called, told them, they took her away, told her not to come back wuntil she was sober, and dropped her off miles away with my aunt.

i thought all was good..

she walked.. 3 and a half miles.. to come back to the house..
i called the cops again, nothing they can do they said.

so i called my councilor and told her, and i turned 17 the next day, and i moved in with my friend.

at age 17, the deputy that i talked to said that i can pronounce myself as homeless and legally go live somewhere else and not get in trouble or not get taken away from my friends house if i choose to stay.

so that is what i did, and the cops were never able to take me away from my friends house seeing that i was 17 and could choose if i wanted to move out.

i was hoping that once she turns 17, she can possibly do the same thing i did..

her older sister which is 19 is willing to take her in.

would this be a possibility?

i don't know if the law is different in Florida than Chicago, i just moved down here.

i looked everywhere but cant find nothing. not even for Chicago.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 9/1/2010 7:39 PM (GMT -6)   
I think it is very possible that she could move in with her sister.  And if her mom fights it, she would probably win because of her mother's drinking. 
I am sorry that she is going though all of this.  You seem very kind.
Take care, keep posting.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/1/2010 10:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Me too. But her mom is something alse and you never know what she could pull.
i really hope that this can work. it really worries me when she dont have a phone and she cant contact me when things like this happen..
i also live 20 mins drive from her and i dont currently have a car..
so it is pretty worrying.

but things are going good so far.. she has been able to talk to me, and everything.
me, her, her mom, her 2 sisters, her moms boyfriend and my dad are supposed to go camping on Friday for two nights and will be back on Sunday.
But she is Bi Polar and can change her mind at anytime at all..
but i will keep posting this and explain how things go on Friday morning.
Then of course when i get back from camping since there is no internet in the wild Lol.
but i will keep posted definitely on Monday.

Thank you Karen, you have been a lot of help since i have no money to afford a councilor or anything due to lack of budget.. :)


getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 9/2/2010 9:25 AM (GMT -6)   
You are very welcome, I don't even know if my advice helps, but I do know it feels good to talk about things to somebody. I hope that you have a nice camping trip. Do let us know how it goes.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/6/2010 10:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Well, Karen,

The camping trip was Unbelievably TERRIBLE!!!

Well.. at first it was really good.. we had a lot of fun :)

But then..
The second day, hell broke loose...
i will let my Girlfriend explain it..
here she is..

my mother was drinking n she thought no one was listening 2 her n i said we were n she said f*&k u go 2 bed then she left n went on a walk. so we all went 2 the bathroom n on the way back frm the bathroom we were all playing tag.. so she comes bck frm her walk n yells @ me saying tat she told me 2 go 2 bed so i went to my tent n then she accused me of sleeping w/ her bf so me n fred her bf walked away n she came running after me saying i cant see my bf ever again she grabbed me by the head smacked my face n slammed my head in2 the bathroom wall n i was screaming n my sisters n bf came running up n my sisters saw her slamming my head in the wall so my 13 year old sister went over 2 my mom n told her 2 leave me alone n me n my 10 (shes not 9 anymre) year old sister was crying real bad so i grabbed her hand n we strted wlking away bc my bf tld me 2 wlk away n then mother came after us n grabbed josie n i held on 2 josie n said leave her alone u dnt wnt her n mom said let go of her n i said no u tld her u only care about ur grand daughter n i said u pay no attention 2 her @ all i put band aids on her i brush her hair i get her clothes ready 4 skool u dnt n my bf tld me 2 let go of her so i did n me n my bf wlked away n he called fred n we were meeting fred n i was crying hysterically n mom met up with fred rite when we did n she was punching him n telling him 2 gve her her car keys n he said no bc she was drunk n then she tld my bf 2 let go of me or shell call the police on him n say he was a pervert n touching her 16 year old and molesting her daughter so he stpped grabbing my hand she samcked my glasses off of my face n smacked my bf n these campers asked if we wnted her 2 call the cops n the camp host ended up calling the police n when they gt there i had 2 tell them wat happened then write out an incident report so did everyone else. n they police couldnt fnd mom @ all she fled the scene n drove 2 st. pete frm bradenton n she was drunk. the cops located her called her n tld her she had 45 mins 2 get bck or shes getting arrested. she came bck with my grandma & when she gt there she tld deputy tat she didnt slam my head in the wall i slammed her head in the wall n she tld the police i cnt see my bf anymre... the deputy said they were goin 2 put me in the bck of the police car. in the end we all left the camp grounds with her. she drove drunk, sped tru a 10mph speed limit, beat on me and -fred- (Moms Boyfriend), slapped my bf, slapped my 13 year old n pulled her hair, n grabbed my 10 year old sis by the chest. n ran frm the cops n didnt get arrested child services r now involved. why she didnt get arrested tat nite, i dnt kno . im currently @ my step dads house who is my sisters real dad. we dnt knmo when we r goin bck 2 mothers n frankly we dnt really care if we do. i hve cuts on my face a burn on my arm frm her cigarette n a brusie on my head. tho she says she didnt touch me. i hve 2 get checked out bc of the accusation tat is nt tru of fred sleeping with me all bc shes paraniod. tats all.

srry about the slang i txt alot.. Ambie.

And yeah, That's mine and her story..
thats what happened on her side.. she saw more than i did because she was the most involved.
what i hated about all this was the cop made us feel like a piece of shlot!
she was yelling at my girlfriend and told her not to speak until she was told to do so..
he told me if i say a word i would get arrested..
the cop was not doing his job right and was a total a**hole!
her mom should have went to jail but the stupid cop didnt make it happen.. he was on her moms side.. i really dont get it.
but the cops said my gf was the person to blame about everything that happened.. and she was most definitely not!
i want to report the darn guy i am really mad that he didn't do his job right and was soooo much of a total d i c k !
excuse me but thats what i thought he was..
and then they told me i couldn't see her anymore because he asked her mom to say it to me in person. and that's not right..
at least the protective services are involved now..
i really hope they dont live with her anymore..
but knowing what that cop did over there, this is all written out wrong and it looks like he let it slip...

and yeah..
what shall we do now? any advice?
should we let things work out how they are or should we call more?
confuzzled much..


getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 9/6/2010 11:32 AM (GMT -6)   
I am really confused too. This is really complicated, in ways. In other ways it is cut and dry. If the cop would have listened to you, it would of been cut and dry. But it sounds like he is giving your mom the benefit of a doubt. Or giving her one more chance. I just hope it doesn't have to get really bad before they realize what is going on. But I think I would let things work out. Keep an eye on things though from a distance. I would stay away from her if at all possible. I am sorry that she thinks you had sex with her boyfriend. She sounds really paranoid. And very insecure. And the drinking only makes it worse. I am glad that you have somewhere to stay. You need to stay away from her. She is bad karma.

Keep us posted as to how things are going. I hope that everything works out for the best and that the children are safe. Let me know what is going on. Let me know if you want to persue things too. I am not sure how you would go about it, but we can figure it out.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/9/2010 7:33 PM (GMT -6)   
i really want that cop to get fired.. now the drama of her being there always will just make her do the same things after a while...

she has 7 months till she turns 17.. thats a while from now.. this thing never happened to her before.. and now she is having all these kind of weird dreams and she says she is traumatized by what happened still..

this may seem weird, but we have a thing that we sleep on the phone together.. i kno i kno.. its weird.. but i do it because something might happen or something and i will hear it.. and she says she cant sleep unless i am on the phone... well lately, she has been waking up crying.. she told me she does because her dreams are sooo intense that they seem real.. and she is afraid that we are gonna loose each other.. i tell her we wont ever leave each other no matter whatever some stupid cop says..
we have been through waaaaaayyyy too much to leave eachother now.. 1 year 4 months.. its always something with her mom..
i never gave up on her and she never did on me.. so we are gonna wait even more..
but i am still really worried about her.. i don't like her waking up like dat...
its unhealthy.. a teenager at this age should really not be put through these kind of things...

she is probably going through a lot of hormone changes, and her body is proly already freaking out, and this is way too much to process out...

everything is good for now, but do you have any idea at all on how i can calm her down and try and talk with her or something about these dreams and fears so they stop?

i know.. i ask way too much dont i?

i just need some advice and idk where else to go..
and you have been a lot of help lately..

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