getting by- I know in my heart once I do- if I do I will wonder why I wasted so many years of my life. I know if I heard someone else talk about
what I endure (nothing physical but emotionally...bruises go away-bad feelings stay in your heart and brain forever) my heart felt response would be- you deserve better than that! Get out now! Why do you stay? But I have a hard time taking my own advice.
When the kids were small I thought it was easier to stay. I knew it would be a very ugly divorce. He would do and say things that would push my buttons and make me an ugly person to be around as well. I thought it would be less damaging to my children to stay and repress my feelings and keep the peace to the best of my ability but there were times when I lost it and acted in ways I wished I didn't anyway. And I don't think I taught my boys anything good by having them watch their father call me bad names and disrespect me and I my taking it made it seem like it was right. They themselves don't respect me the way they should. My daughter...I have always told her don't ever let yourself be treated like this but that wasn't right either-making me talk bad of her father. Today she is a very independent woman who puts up with nothing- to the total opposite extreme. :(
And here I am. They are all grown and we had a blow out where he called me the C word, said I'm abusive and crazy and accused me of being afraid he was going to find something when I was angry that he went through all my drawers, in my closet and under my bed and pulled out all kinds of stuff that he felt wasn't needed - put it on my side of the bed so when I came home after a 9 hr. day at work I could go through it and see what I would sell at his yard sale. Besides everything else I am tired when I get home. I have RA. I had to do something with the crap if I even wanted to sleep that night!
Am I crazy? I felt violated- am I wrong? Am I abusive because that made me angry? I know I'm not the C-word and you know I feel like this is the last time he can call me that ever again. I have had it.
I hope I haven't hi-jacked this thread- I am so sorry. I got started and I couldn't stop. :(
Back to Top
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies