Posted 9/5/2010 9:14 PM (GMT -7)
I hope someone can offer me good advice.
I am 24 years old. I moved home after I was laid off from my job out of state. It took me about a month to get another job, so I am trying to save some money again before I move out. However, a big reason I went out of state was because of the condition of my family. Now returning, I see it really has not changed, and I need to figure out what to do to help myself, and my family.
The issue is my father. A lot of the family drama is based around him. Ever since I was a kid, him and my mother have been screaming and fighting non stop. I have an 18 year old brother, and I used to take him out of the house when they got at it. When I was in fourth grade, I found detailed emails and chats towards random women and ****. My dad didn't really stop with it until I was in 9th or 10th grade. It was tolerable at the time because he had a great job and was very talented at musical theatre.
My grandfather died when I was 18 and my grandmother died a few months ago (both his parents). Between the two deaths, he slowly regressed. No more musical theatre, and due to budget cuts, he took a less important job (cubicle) in his company. He also began seeing a psychiatrist, but acts zonked out since he takes so many drugs. Now, he takes days off of work (and uses FMLA to account for them), and watches tv all day. On the weekends, all he does is sit in his spot on the couch and watch TV. Today, it accounted for seven hours. He says the characters on West Wing are his "friends" (I'm serious), and spends hours cueing up shows on TIVO so he can get me, my mom, or my brother to watch them (we watch a little in the morning, and Top Chef-that's it).Besides the TV, he screams at my mom to get him things-Diet Coke, food, whatever. He is also 6'7, about 400 lbs, and has a lot of health issues brought on by overeating.
Besides the laziness, our house is a level 3 (I guessed) hoarding situation. Us 3 spend every weekend trying to throw stuff away, but he will snatch the bag out of our hand and pick through it for "recycles". We have rooms in the house with black mold, and we have closed them off. My dad's parents clothes are stacked in the garage. The living room, kitchen, one bathroom and 3 bedrooms (mine included) are clean-but we can't use a bedroom, the garage, the basement, or our hallway/pantry. THE BACK OF OUR HOUSE IS A DIFFERENT COLOR THAN THE FRONT because my dad refuses to paint it. I can remember this being the way of life for years.
My mom has been afraid of divorce because she makes a lot of money, and did not want him to take half of her retirement. But it is off the chain here. My dad once threw a bag of wet trash at me because I refused to keep it in my car. Our kitchen table is stacked with junk, and we havent eaten dinner as a family in years. My mom is a prominent member in the community (35+ music teacher). She is seeing a therapist (this is number 5), but I don't believe her when she says she is finally going to follow through with a divorce. My dad recently pushed her into a door. He acts this way because he is unhappy, but I'm sick of it. I told her me and my brother would live with her, but I'm worried. I'm seeing my dad's traits start to come out in my brother, and I know living in this situation was not healthy for anyone growing up.
So, what to do?