death and grieving

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 9/7/2010 4:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone,
I'm from the chronic pain forum but thought i would come here to ask a question..

One of my best friends dads was killed in the plane crash in the congo with the whole sundance board..
Obviously it has been so hard for everyone around her and friends with her family.. Shes an incredibly strong girl so is her family, but of course each day is a struggle for her.. i hate watching her and try to help in everyway i can, even if its just a long hug and a shoulder to cry on.. i'm really sick at the moment but try to cook their family dinner once or twice a week and do what i can.. i just don't know how else to help and make it easier, does anyone have any ideas? and i know its different for everyone but how long will it take for her to start feeling better and accepting it completely but still missing him obviously?
Thanks heaps

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 9/7/2010 7:42 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Buttercup,

Can you get them hooked up with grief counseling? That is about the best thing that they could do for themselves. It is so sweet of you to cook meals for them. I am sure that it takes a lot of stress off of them. But remember not to over do or you will become sick too. You can only do so much and getting them into counseling would help a lot. Grief counseling that is. I am sure that they are suffering a lot with this huge loss. Pat yourself on the back. You are a wonderful person. Always remember that.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 9/7/2010 8:22 AM (GMT -6)   
I have lost many people in my life, and the best gift those around me would do, was just BE with me. I have never 'talked', or 'offloaded' on my friends about things that really matter, (This is the only way I can cope, is to keep it all in, not healthy I know, but it is what it is).

Just going to a coffee shop, even without talking about what is going on, can make a huge difference to the way I feel about the day. Or a friend texting, or calling in for a coffee, for me, it really is the little things that make a huge difference.

As for time, it is an individual thing, there are no rules, it takes as long as it takes. I don't think you ever really get over it, at least, that's my experience, it changes who you are inside, and it feels like a huge empty hole.

I commend you for helping your friend, you are already making a difference to her, I applaud you.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 9/7/2010 2:47 PM (GMT -6)   
i lost my dad 12 yrs ago now ,, he died very suddenly , it takes a long time to come to terms with the fact that u wont see him again but yr friend will soon start thinking about her dad not in a sad way but in a good and funny way , she will start to remember all the good times they had , particular moments will come in to her mind ,, what they laughed at for example , as for what u can to do help her , u being there is helping her x

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 355
   Posted 9/8/2010 8:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Buttercup

The whole circumstance of that plane crash was horrific especially for the families of the Australians on board and of course the families of the other victims.

I think as htd said, just being there for them, letting them talk about the good times and encouraging them to remember happy family times that will stay with them forever would be a good way to console them. It is very hard for all concerned but especially if you are a friend who is trying to help but not knowing quite how to. You are a good friend to them and I am sure they appreciate your comforting ways.

I am sorry I couldn't offer much more advice but just continue doing what you are doing for them.
Kind Regards

Harrington 49

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 9/9/2010 5:28 AM (GMT -6)   

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