One thing after another....

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 9/8/2010 11:07 AM (GMT -6)   

Im new to this site.

I was looking for help online.

I battle anxiety and depression. My boyfriend and I just lost our appartment and moved into a house with a friend. We are renting a room that is basically half the rent of the apartment.

My plan was to move in and get a better paying job. I know a recruter that can get me into a better place than I am at now. I have been with the same place for 5 years and I need something that pays more. The friend we moved in with just found out she is pregnant. So everyone is moving out of the house when she has the baby, and goes their seperate ways. Taking a new job I was going to save as much as possible so we can get a nice place of our own.

Well It turns out I am pregnant. I have always dreamed of being a mom. But this just came at a horrible time. My boyfriend says he doesnt want the baby. He knows we cant afford to raise a baby right now and doesnt want to see it suffer because we are unable to make ends meet. He said if I decide to have the baby he will not be in the picture. I agree with his reasoning, but the consiquence is rather selfish.
But besides that. I have an ultra sound today because of pain I have been having. This ultra sound should let me see how far a long I am. If there is anything developed I am having the baby. If it is still just a cluster of cells... I will be considering it.

I know my situration is not the best for a baby right now. But on the other hand I know a baby would bring me so much Joy. It is something that I have been wanting. But this timing is drastic.

If your wondering why I am not on birthcontrol.. I guess I am stupid. I stoped birthcontrol because it was not good for me. It was messing up my body. Also I wanted to be clean for when I do decide I want kids... It just happend early.

Discussion would be nice on this topic. I would love to hear what others think. What would you do if you were in this situation? Please dont call me a baby killer... I am feeling horrid about this already.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 9/8/2010 11:10 AM (GMT -6)   
we all have to do what is best for us, but there are other options other than abortionn. sometimes God sends us little gifts and maybe this is yours but there is adoption. there are so many people who cant have kids but want them. i would check out all options before anyting. good luck
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 9/8/2010 11:38 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree with worried girl. There are other options. I hope that you keep the baby. They do bring us such joy. Let us know how things are going. Keep us posted.

I do feel that your boyfriend is being unfair. And leaving over the baby is stupid in my opinion. He doesn't want the responsibility, but doesn't he realize that whether he stays or goes, he will have this baby in his life. There is no turning back. I think he will come around in his thinking. He is just reacting.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2510
   Posted 9/8/2010 12:45 PM (GMT -6)   
So sorry you are going thru this. Luckily I was never in your shoes. I was kind of in your shoes when I got pregnant with my last child. I was however married and OK finacially. I was taking a break from the BC pill and 1 time- just ONE time we had unprotected sex. I got pregnant. I already had a girl & a boy the perfect family and I really didn't want anymore children. My belief (and I'm not judging you or your situation) is that God would not have given me this child if it wasn't supposed to be. I had an ultrasound and found out it was another boy. OH more disappointment! My other son was such a handful! I came to terms with everything and I just want to let you know that I am so glad I had him! He has brought a lot of joy to my life. (Well now he's going thru a young adult stage that is absolutely maddening but it will pass I'm sure). Out of all my children he looks most like me. Out of all my children - I was the love of his life- we were joined at the hip. My other kids would go to anyone that stretched out their arms- not him. When he was 12 years old and I dropped him off at a middle school function- he still kissed me good bye.(And no he's not a dandy boy- the girls love him!)
I wish you all the best and will pray for you to help with your decision. I'll put your boyfriend in my prayers too. He probably thinks he is being sensible and I don't just don't have the same connection with children because their bodies don't and can't carry them.
Whatever you decide- we'll be here for you.

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 9/8/2010 1:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Ladys your support is so appreciated.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 9/9/2010 9:06 AM (GMT -6)   
sending you many hugs. jamie



Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 9/9/2010 2:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sunshine,
You have been given a lot of good advice. The decision is yours. If you truly want to keep this baby then do what your heart tells you. You will figure out a way to support both of
you. Keep in mind that if your boyfriend doesn't want the baby it doesn't mean he is not
responsible to provide support. I don't know what state you live in but I believe all states
have laws that require a biological father to pay child support until the age of 18. If your
boyfriend decides not to be in your or the baby's life he is still responsible for the baby and if you must, take him to court and get an order for support. This is the reality of the situation. He may not want to pay and may try not to pay but you can have your state government garnish his wages. I know all this may sound a bit harsh right now but if you want your baby I don't think you will regret whatever decision you make. You talked about all the plans you have to get another job and find a better place to live. Life is what happens when you are making
plans. I wish you the best and hope you will post and tell your HW friends what you have

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 9/9/2010 2:47 PM (GMT -6)   
I am 5 weeks pregnant.

I have decided to keep the baby. There is no way I can go through with the abortion. I had a miscarriage 4 years ago (twins) and that was difficult. I dont know How I even thought about aborting this one.

He doesn't want the baby and that's fine. He can leave. Funny thing is .. he told me he talked to his mother about this and she said abortion might be the best idea because of our situation. But his mother is catholic and has been wanting me to get pregnant. So I have a feeling he is full of crap.
I have decided to go talk to his mom and tell her I am keeping the baby. If i find out he never talked to her... he is in a world of hurt.

One thing is... He is not a legal citizen no fault of his own. He was brought here as a small child. I want to get child support from him... but I'm concerned about him being sent away.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 9/9/2010 8:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sunshine,
I am glad to hear that you are going to keep the baby. And I am so sorry for the loss
of the other babies. I can understand why you want your child and I think you made a good decision. I am wondering though about where your boyfriend is from. You said he
came here as a small child. How is it his parents were able to stay here. They must have
had jobs or at least one of them and I don't know how you can do that legally if someone isn't a citizen or have a permanent green card. And if your boyfriend works
how did he get a job without a social security number. I am asking these questions because there must be some way he is in the US legally. I wouldn't be surprised if he
didn't tell his mother. If she is a good catholic she would not approve of abortion.  I hope that all of this will work out for you. I wish you the best and please keep posting so we know how you are doing. Have faith, things have a way of working out.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2510
   Posted 9/9/2010 9:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Did you have your ultra sound? I don't think he talked to his mother either. If he's lying to you- more good riddance to him. Better to find out now his true colors then to marry him and have a miserable life. You may have to face raising this child alone without support. Is your family supportive? If things begin to feel too overwhelming don't forget the option of adoption. In today's world I think you may even have options to stay involved in your child's life even though you have someone adopt them.
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