just a rant i guess...

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Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 60
   Posted Yesterday 6:13 PM (GMT -6)   
just having one of those nights.  i'm anxious restless feeling how i used to feel right before i would, but i haven't actually in years.  my first actual therapy appointment is oct 5, and before that next tuesday i have a follow up with my local hospitals mental health unit after going to the er from a bad panic attack.  they gave me Xanax for the anxiety and i'm guessing they want to see how i've been doing with that.  i'm home alone, my fiance is out, my friend's invited me out but i'm just in one of those moods.  i dont want to be around anyone, but i feel lonely.  i want to go do see, but i dont want to do anything at all.  i feel like a prisoner.  i feel like the tiny crack that used to be there is now spidering and i don't know when the breaking point will be.  i don't eat much, i can't sleep without the xanax.  i honestly thought things would get better since i started taking better care of my body.  since december i've lost 55 pounds :) i've been eating well and exercising and seeking help for all of this.  but i almost feel like now that i got the ball rolling, the results are so slow to come.  i've lived like this all my life, and now that i'm getting help i feel like i'm at the bottom of the well looking up.  i guess i just thought i would feel something, faster or signifigant, to give me a shine of hope that i can be happy and be anxiety free and live a normal life.  i'm 24, i have my whole life ahead of me and i want it.  i've missed out on so much already.  i feel such great shame and guilt for letting my depression and anxiety run my life.  i've lost friends and jobs and great opportunities.  i just feel so hopeless.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 9/24/2010 6:00:06 PM (GMT-6)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted Yesterday 7:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi rcconn85,

Sometimes we have to step away from a situation before we can see it for what it is. Like, we don't miss the water until the well runs dry. Often the changes are so subtle and you don't realize that you are feeling better about things until something happens that takes you out of your safe place. Then you see some discontentment and realize that yeah, things are really better than I thought. I don't know if this is happening to you but if the xanax is keeping you from experiencing anxiety, I would be happy that you found something that worked, many people don't. And they don't find anti depressants that work either. So if you have solved one problem, maybe you are on your way to solving more. Just don't take it for granted. I think that is what I am trying to say.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 9/24/2010 6:12:48 PM (GMT-6)

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