Need an Answer

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

hw_chelsi
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 151
   Posted 9/30/2010 8:32 PM (GMT -6)   
I want to know why I am so stupid and believe in things and then endjup getting hurt.  Long story short.  I started my job 3 1/2 years ago.  Things went well for the firs year and a half.  I was somewhat friends with my boss for 2 years prior to that.  Things have been up and down the last year and a half.  I began toi wonder why I had believed there was a friendship when things went not so good.  Then in mid to late Aug. this year, I found out I was going to need surgery.  I had fallen in May and broke my left wrist.  A good friend was going to take me and bring me home.  It was outpatient.  Then I said something and she misunderstood and thought I had changed my surgery date and was going to be out of town.  I happened to mention that in a conversation to my boss who  said she would take me and that I would stay at their house over the long holiday weekend.  Prior to that I had been sometimes helping her out by staying with her 97 y/o mother, who I have adopted as my grandma.  My boss had always said I was part of the family.  Then about a week and a half ago I made the suggestion via e-mail about me staying with them on weekends (they live about 30 min. away) and then I could take care of grandma if she and her husband (also my boss) wanted to run errands or go out.  She said sure as long as I am recovering from my hand surgery.  Then today something went terribly wrong.   There must have been a miscommunication because she called me all upset she thought her husband and I had discussed this am which was never talked about.  He tends to get confused when you try to explain things to him.  It is not like dementia.  I ended up in tears.  I wrote her an e-mail in attempt to straighten things out but she called me again before I sent it   She asked me something and then I tried to explain something to her and it ended up even a bigger misunderstanding.  She said she did not want any more e-mails except one I was sending everyone regarding a problem we were having.  I had told her yesterday I would come on Fri. eve. to stay with grandma while they went out and she was going to let me know the time.  Sent her several e-mails last night but did not hear back until late this afternoon.  Then after work, I left to go to their house as they picked up my dog along with theirs from the groomers.  Things seemed distant.  I came back to work (playing catch up from not being able to do much for a couple of weeks after my surgery).  I cried all the way back.  I am blaming myself for all the misunderstanding this am.  In one of her e-mails to me she mentioned how a co-worker was driving me crazy and then I was driving her and her husband crazy.  I guess they are planning on me still coming over Fri. nite.  I do not know if she is now expecting me to stay the weekend (Sat. and Sun.) at their place.  I go thru this alot, not just with them, but with other friends too.  Things will go well and something will happen and I blame myself and lilketonite, after today, wonder why I ever even believed she thought of me as family and a friend.    I tend to trust too easily.  Then when something goes bad I end up hurt.  Why can't I just let it roll off my shoulders and go on.  I sit and wonder now, should I plan on going over there this weekend?  I am just so stupid.  All I ever want to do is do things for others and maybe people take advantage of me.  Am I paranoid?  Part of me at the moment wants to act as if I never heard back from her regarding Fri. night.  At the moment I feel uncomfortable over there.  When I was there for a brief time tonite, I had this feeling of not being wanted.  I am sure none of this makes sense.  I know down deep that that is not true.  I know down deep I should let things go for now and go over as origionally planned on Fri. night, forget what happened and move forward but I cant.  What is wrong with me?
 
I have thought of sending an e-card to apologize for today but not sure if I should or not.
 
If you read this, thanks for lisltening,even though it probably does not make a lot of sense.

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 9/30/2010 9:32 PM (GMT -6)   
What a mess. Stop blaming yourself and feeling stupid. Perhaps you invest more "heart" into these friendships than the others do. But, if they wanted to cut it off with you, they would have done just that. They haven't, and sometimes people just need time to cool off.

You are very kind to be watching Grandma, and "adopting" her. I'm sure its appreciated. Relax and see how it goes. Better not to get into a wordy explanation of the misunderstanding. It happened. Why do you want to apologize? It was a misunderstanding on both sides.

This has happened before? Well, friendships blossom, and sometimes wither. They do. Try not to invest yourself so heavily in just one. I've lost friends thru moving, changing jobs, being TOO personal in conversation. Sometimes you hear things in their conversation and it blows you away, and you wonder if you ever knew them. I located 4 friends at Christmas and they were ecstatic that I found them, it wasn't easy, I was very happy. Soon, the emails got carried away, the fwds were monotonous, and I remembered what caused me to let the friendships go and move on.

I don't hear evidence that your boss is "dropping you". Play it by ear. She's stressed, she's a boss. Husband is a little foggy, more stress. This can still work out.

Good luck.

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/1/2010 10:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Good Morning hw_chelsi
 
Good Morning and sorry to read of the misunderstanding that seems to be going on with your boss -  dang !
 
May I kindly suggest that you ask to have a private moment to talk with your boss/friend and have a face to face conversation.  I believe whether it be a simple argument or even a big feud amongst multiple people, it is still much easier to deal with conflicts directly.
 
Meeting face to face can help resolve conflicts more effectively, because doing so makes understanding the other person easier. The face to face meeting also makes the situation more personal.
 
I don't feel you owe anyone an apology until you can sit down and figure out what the problem really is. 
 
I commend you in taking care of Grandma;  that was something you did straight from you heart so be proud of who you are.  Keep moving forward my friend.  Long time since I have talked with you.  (((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))
 
Kitt

~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 10/4/2010 3:30 AM (GMT -6)   
me proud of ya too hw_chelsi. agree with kitt on the face to face chat.

sending healing luv your way. one day at a time. keep posting. things will improve.

hang in there. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/6/2010 5:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Haven't heard an up date from you dear. Hope you were able to have the face to face chat and the matter was resolved. How did the weekend go?
Give us a quick reply. We care.

Sandy
BP II
Severe depression

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/6/2010 5:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Haven't heard an up date from you dear. Hope you were able to have the face to face chat and the matter was resolved. How did the weekend go?
Give us a quick reply. We care.

Sandy
BP II
Severe depression
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Thursday, September 20, 2018 8:55 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,005,290 posts in 329,211 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161767 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Titanium-Girl.
304 Guest(s), 9 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
SoMuchFun, mattamx, GoBucks, Donjr, WalkingbyFaith, Hawaii3654, csantamaria, Roadranger82, rpgdancer