I want to know why I am so stupid and believe in things and then endjup getting hurt. Long story short. I started my job 3 1/2 years ago. Things went well for the firs year and a half. I was somewhat friends with my boss for 2 years prior to that. Things have been up and down the last year and a half. I began toi wonder why I had believed there was a friendship when things went not so good. Then in mid to late Aug. this year, I found out I was going to need surgery. I had fallen in May and broke my left wrist. A good friend was going to take me and bring me home. It was outpatient. Then I said something and she misunderstood and thought I had changed my surgery date and was going to be out of town. I happened to mention that in a conversation to my boss who said she would take me and that I would stay at their house over the long holiday weekend. Prior to that I had been sometimes helping her out by staying with her 97 y/o mother, who I have adopted as my grandma. My boss had always said I was part of the family. Then about
a week and a half ago I made the suggestion via e-mail about
me staying with them on weekends (they live about
30 min. away) and then I could take care of grandma if she and her husband (also my boss) wanted to run errands or go out. She said sure as long as I am recovering from my hand surgery. Then today something went terribly wrong. There must have been a miscommunication because she called me all upset she thought her husband and I had discussed this am which was never talked about
. He tends to get confused when you try to explain things to him. It is not like dementia. I ended up in tears. I wrote her an e-mail in attempt to straighten things out but she called me again before I sent it She asked me something and then I tried to explain something to her and it ended up even a bigger misunderstanding. She said she did not want any more e-mails except one I was sending everyone regarding a problem we were having. I had told her yesterday I would come on Fri. eve. to stay with grandma while they went out and she was going to let me know the time. Sent her several e-mails last night but did not hear back until late this afternoon. Then after work, I left to go to their house as they picked up my dog along with theirs from the groomers. Things seemed distant. I came back to work (playing catch up from not being able to do much for a couple of weeks after my surgery). I cried all the way back. I am blaming myself for all the misunderstanding this am. In one of her e-mails to me she mentioned how a co-worker was driving me crazy and then I was driving her and her husband crazy. I guess they are planning on me still coming over Fri. nite. I do not know if she is now expecting me to stay the weekend (Sat. and Sun.) at their place. I go thru this alot, not just with them, but with other friends too. Things will go well and something will happen and I blame myself and lilketonite, after today, wonder why I ever even believed she thought of me as family and a friend. I tend to trust too easily. Then when something goes bad I end up hurt. Why can't I just let it roll off my shoulders and go on. I sit and wonder now, should I plan on going over there this weekend? I am just so stupid. All I ever want to do is do things for others and maybe people take advantage of me. Am I paranoid? Part of me at the moment wants to act as if I never heard back from her regarding Fri. night. At the moment I feel uncomfortable over there. When I was there for a brief time tonite, I had this feeling of not being wanted. I am sure none of this makes sense. I know down deep that that is not true. I know down deep I should let things go for now and go over as origionally planned on Fri. night, forget what happened and move forward but I cant. What is wrong with me?
I have thought of sending an e-card to apologize for today but not sure if I should or not.
If you read this, thanks for lisltening,even though it probably does not make a lot of sense.