This is getting beyond a joke

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AlysiumDream
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 10/2/2010 3:25 AM (GMT -6)   
OK here is the story, and I know it seems cut and dry but just hear me out. I was dating a younger guy for 10 months and he broke it off 3 months ago. Up until 2 or 3 weeks ago though we were still sleeping together on and off and he kept talking like there was a chance.

BIG MISTAKE I know, but yesterday he suddenly declares on facebook that he has a new gf and one of his friends comments that its about time they made it official. So obviously its been going on for awhile I mean I sort of worked it out about a month ago I guess but I didn't know for sure. Which means if it has been going on for more than two weeks since I last saw him, he has already cheated on her with me which makes me feel even worse.

My problem is I am in love with him and since this all happened I have been depressed to the point of throwing up because of it. I NEED to get out of this pattern because it is pretty much killing me at the moment and I don't see a way out. I can't get rid of the pit in my stomach, and this slump that I am in.

I have been questioning everything about myself, feeling like I am nothing and worthless and whatever and although I have had interest from other guys, I end in tears because of this.

I have deleted his number, deleted him from facebook (actually he did that), I deleted him from msn as well but he asked me to add him again. I have joined dating sites and agreed to go on dates with people, but I feel so low I am not sure why anyone would be interested in me at all :(

I have even tried meditation and positive affirmations to help my mood. Any other suggestions as to what I can do??? I really need help with this

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/2/2010 5:45 AM (GMT -6)   
I don't know that you've been together long enough to be in love. Sounds more like in lust. It happens to us all sometime or another.

Don't know what you mean, deleting him from msn, but then he talked you out of it. You're still communicating with him? If so, stoppit. He has a new GF, send him on his way. You want to be second fiddle? Ewe !

You're vomitting over this? Really? Go to the med cabinet and take something like Pepto or Alka Seltzer. Pull yourself together. Were you born yesterday?

Make up your mind to get on with it. Go somewhere for the weekend. Visit other friends. Do something fun. And don't talk about him. Tell others, ah, I don't want to talk about him anymore. Trying to get on with things. THEN DO IT!

You will laugh at this a year from now.
It may help to laugh right now. Give it a try. Watch a comedy.

AlysiumDream
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 10/2/2010 8:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Who are you to tell me that I cannot be in love? You don't know me, I am very much in love, have been with him for over a year now.

How dare you make light of what I am going through, I did not come here for abuse!

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/2/2010 9:06 AM (GMT -6)   

AlysiumDream

Hello and a warm welcome to HealingWell.  I am so sorry you are going through a tough time. I have been down that same road so I do understand how bad you are feeling.

Breaking up a relationship is difficult – especially if it’s not your choice. Grief can be experienced even when an unfulfilling relationship ends, because, at the very least, you have lost the emotional investment you made in that relationship.

Even short-term relationships can involve an investment in fantasy and in hopes for the future, and the loss can be similarly heart-wrenching.

I am gald to hear you deleted his accounts and numbers.  The tough part is to not reinstate them.  I did this once and it must have taken me 3 times before I deleted every possible way I used to get in touch with this person.  It is like breaking a habit to break the bond.

The most important thing to remember at this point is that you will get over this. I know it does not seem like it right now, but you will, believe me. We are here to support you through the rough times and coming here and sharing your story was very brave of you.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

 


 


~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 10/2/2010 10:17 AM (GMT -6)   
i know its hard when you love someone and they move on to someone else but you have to pick up the pieces and move on. i agree with trying, although i dont think he worded it all right, delete him and dont be second fiddle, you are better then that. i know about the feeling sick part because of a guy, when me and hubby were having issues i felt like getting sick. you need to find new interests, go out and meet new people and go on dates. fill up your day with things to do and dont go to his facebook or even talk to him on msn. he is keeping you on a string just in case this doesnt work out and you deserve so much better. we are here to support you and will listen when you need us to.

annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/2/2010 4:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Alysium,
I'm sorry to hear about your break up! It just sucks to be left when you give your heart and soul to a person and the person just walks out and shows off his new muse without having so much as a conscience of the fact that he's broken someones heart.
Love has different meanings for different people. And yes it's hard to recognise those feelings but once you do it's just that you know it but it's just that it's not always possible to make anyone believe in it.
It's going to take time I'm still working on mine. But over time it would be little easier. Don't think bad about yourself please. The very reason to not think so is you havent broken a heart but are the one with a broken heart. The one who is crying and feels terrible. If you were bad you wouldn't have cared !
And it's not always possible to be with someone we love. And you know when I was dumped there was a question I always had," when you get into a relation it takes two peoples choice to be together but than one day one of them just walks away and the other one is left with no choice.why?" and I never got an answer for it Which was good enough. Caz there will never be answers to why someone does something.
I suggest you listen to music,work out and well keep talking to your friends. At the right time delete his posts,comments,photos don't do it immediately but slowly over time get rid of it. Whenever you miss him or feel like talking to him talk to your close friends or do something that makes you happy,like listen to music, read a book,shop etc. When the time will pass you would slowly lose the urge to contact him.
Love habits are hard to break they are going to take time.

Take care of yourself.
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/2/2010 6:04 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry to have insulted you. I wanted you to toughen up and move on. You have so much going for you. You are young and more resilient than you think if you would allow yourself When you get older you see that you spent valuable time on some issues that could not be deciphered. I am old and have discovered what mature love is, like after years of being together. Its different than when you were head over heels in love.

I am truly sorry and will no longer post to you.

Sandy

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 10/3/2010 2:14 AM (GMT -6)   
sandy, that is not the answer. i know you meant well when you posted but unfortuanately it came off the wrong way. you apologized and that is a big thing. i would still post to her.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/3/2010 3:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Worried Girl.
I cannot decide what else to offer her since I have wounded her tender heart. Except not to go there again.

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/3/2010 10:11 AM (GMT -6)   
 
I hope you come back and talk with us.  Each of us is truly trying to help you in our own special way as we care about you.  There is not a member here that would purposefully cause you any distress as the members are all kind and supportive. 
 
Kindly,
Kitt

~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 10/3/2010 11:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi!
I agree with the others that it sounds like you are doing a lot of things right. Definitely keep turning down the requests to be on msn or facebook or whatever. Really that never works out. It sounds like he wants one thing out of the relationship (maybe friends with benefits) and you want another. You are probably just setting yourself up to get hurt again & you deserve better than that.

The dating site was a good idea. You are a wonderful, sensitive person and there are others out there who will value that in a girlfriend. And even if the first few don't work out, at least it gets you out of the house for a night or two. Plus I know from my experience that just being on the dating scene even if the guy is awful ends up encouraging the really great guys to approach me & ask for a date. So hang in there!!! :)

As for the throwing up -- take 3 slow deep breaths when you feel like you're going to get sick. It might not eliminate the nausea, but there is research that shows it will keep you from throwing up. You can also try making a cup of chamomile tea to settle your tummy or do things that are relaxing like take a warm bubble bath or spend some time in a favorite place. Try to pick a phrase to tell yourself when you start to feel upset. For me, most times it is "he was a great bf at the time & i learned a lot from the relationship. i am free to find my true love and i choose activities that will help me find him." I keep saying all or part of that over & over again either aloud or in my head until I settle down & then work on things that will work towards that goal -- for me, one of those things is working on being okay with myself, as is, without a bf so that I start my dates already feeling happy & whole and that way if the guy is great it just means that my joy is bubbling over because I have so much of it. I don't know what might be something that you might want to work on, but we all have something & working on those issues just makes us an even more fantastic partner. I'm not saying that you NEED to work on anything to be desirable to guys, just that there might be things you WANT to work on to create even more satisfying relationships.

Hope that helps. Hang in there!

peace,
frances
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