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annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/2/2010 4:07 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm in the pit again,and it just started without a warning. Nothing was wrong till sometime back,and I suddenly felt my breathing slow down. An anxiety attack I suppose. It's just feeling insane. And am doing all I can to stop myself from calling my ex.....(I don't know how long I could hold it back) I know in my previous post I clearly mention that I'm with someone,but it's just I can't explain myself at such times. I'm with someone I love and nothing wrong as of now with us ( at least at this moment) than why do I suddenly remember my ex, and why does it lead me to feel so negative, paralyzed, breathless..... I hate how it feels..... it's driving me nuts.
I have tried calling my boyfriends,talking to my mom,listening to music,nothing is helping. Well I will confess to one thing,I just looked my exs fb profile....I guess its triggered my mood swing.
Why does this keep happening ! I wanna forget my past never remember it. Everytime the guy im with doesnt talk to me or is busy I start feeling insecure. Like hes going to dump me the way my ex did. My ex didnt care how much I loved him when he left me. I know I sound crazy but I dont know what else to say.
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/2/2010 4:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Annie-
You're torturing yourself. Don't look up his profile on FB. Of course it is going to invoke lots of unhappy feelings. Plenty of women have been dumped, at the altar, on their wedding day. People are unpredictable. But life goes on.
You must get ahold of yourself. Thank you for trying the previous suggestions. You don't have enough other stuff going on in your life to forget your ex BF. You haven't told me how old you are, if you go to school, work, or what. You get lonely and are insecure in your new relationship since the trauma of the previous one, which you did not get over. Very unhealthy. You're not active much, socially, are you?
Well, pls answer me those things.
I think you need to talk to a professional to sort out your true feelings. Are you on meds?
Have you ever seen an old lady sitting on a park bench talking to herself, in a state? Wonder what she's carrying on about? You're a young lady lamenting over the past, doing the same. Not healthy.
You have a future, with or without these 2 guys, who seem to be adding nothing to your life except worrying you silly. Continue posting.

annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/2/2010 4:51 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm 21. I'm a mass media student. I quit my college for my ex as he didn't want me to be in the field of media. So I left my college in my 4th semester,which was before I went to his city and he did whatever he did. I also lost my granfather who I was very close to in that one month in another city. He lived there for his work. I saw him pass away in front my eyes,he was in coma, I never got to speak with him. It hurts.
Anyways by the time I came back my psychiatrist suggested I take a break,as I was not in the condition to go to university. The feelings haven't gone of doing it but I can't see the pain it puts my mom and my boyfriend through to see me in that state.
Me and my ex,were going to get engaged and I had been to his city with my family to meet his,and when I met him he told me he found someone else the previious night (the night I was on the way to his city) and that if I would have made it earlier to him he would have never left me.( I dont believe that piece of crap.....just hurts ! )
I want to take help,I know I can't do it by my own,I have been trying past 9-10 months to do it on my own it just gets ok one day and the next it falls all over me.
I have a set of friends but I don't feel like going out much. I meet them once in a while but other than that I'm home. I was on medication but after a while my mom would give me the pills on her own without consulting the psych. Now also whenever this thing takes a toll and I get breatheless and cant hold back my crying she gives me which puts me to sleep.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 10/2/2010 8:10:38 AM (GMT-6)


Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/2/2010 5:20 AM (GMT -6)   
I posted on the other topic, Loving from afar. Go there so I don't repeat myself.
Now the story is coming out. Was that other fellow from India? And did your parents think you were ready to get married? I can't believe you quit college because he didn't like it. I thought you didn't want to be a slave, or was that the other girl who replied to us both regarding Indian women? Anyway, you are now an American Woman. You need a new set of values. You discussed this before. I can see that a break from college might have been good advice from your doctor at the time. That doesn't mean never go back and finish what you started. You must have had an interest there or you wouldn't have pursued it. It would be good for you to have a degree in anything.
First you need to get well. And strong. You are weak as a kitten.
Insist to your mother that you go back to the doctor. You are 21 and don't take your own medication? Why not? You want to be independent, then allow yourself to be controlled on another issue. She controls you with the meds. You are old enough to do this yourself. TELL HER. Start being responsible.
Sorry about your grandfather passing away. Yes you saw him die so to speak. You wouldn't have felt any better if he died when you weren't there. He was in a coma. You weren't sitting in the living room talking and he keeled over in front of you. Don't dramatize that part. You need help grieving. A counsellor helps that. You haven't got over grieving him properly. Again, get help with it. There is healthy and unhealthy grieving.
You need to get lots of help. There are lots of things troubling you. Make up your mind to do it. Nighty night for tonight....Sandy

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 10/2/2010 7:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Annie,

Please listen to this advice, Sandy has many good points. You need to work on yourself instead of listening to these men in your life. Take care of you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/2/2010 9:27 AM (GMT -6)   
 
Sorry for the edit,  I only removed one comment per rules. No discussions of self harm but I am sure your post is intact without that one comment.  Thank you for you understanding. 
 
I agree with your recognition of your ex's  lame excuse for taking up with another young woman.  "that if I would have made it earlier to him he would have never left me" I am proud of you for having good insight !
 
The first step towards a new positive future is to finally accept that your ex-partner has gone and will not be coming back.   Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll have the urge to call him when your in crisis.   You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend."
 
Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) We all did that at one time or another. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative.
 
I would like to see you get medication for yourself and not use your Mom's. 
 
I am truly sorry about the death of your Grandfather. You have my sympathy.
 
Gentle Hugs,
 
Kitt
 

 
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/2/2010 10:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi....
I don't claim to know what love is or what relations are.... I just never was someone who would have sacrificed all I had for the one person I really cared about. Over time it became maddening,the changing. But eventually I did all I could. Hardest was quitting my college. And what I said to the other girl I wish I would have stood by those beliefs I have in those 2 years,and hence I asked her to not let the boundations hold her back,because being where I am today I know how pathetic it feels.
And things are changing,it's gone from this in the pit feeling everyday,to every night,to once a week to once in a couple of weeks. I have rejoined my course,however it doesn't start till December,and I just gave some exams recently so I couldn't join any classes as I had alot to study. about my gran father,without dramatizing what happened,all I mean't was before he died he saw me breakdown,and saw me in the worst conditions one could see their loved ones in. It hurts me. I wish I would have not let him see me that way.
My parents say I don't need a job as they are fully capable of taking care of my expenses etc. My father won't let me even go for a few interviews I had got selected in. Said I should study,and enjoy right now and think about a job later,and when I tried fighting over it he just beat me up. So for now at least till my univ. doesn't start I cant join any job. So well I go to gym and swimming as it's the only way to get out.
about the counselor I have found out about a few who might be able to help,would be checking them out in the coming week. :)

@Sandy-those links won't open.
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/2/2010 6:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Annie, you are making GREAT progress. I haven't heard anythng like this from you before:

"And things are changing,it's gone from this in the pit feeling everyday,to every night,to once a week to once in a couple of weeks. I have rejoined my course"

And you are swimming and working out. It appears to be helping. By getting a job, I thought you never went out at all. It wasn't for the money, it was to get you out, but you have been doing that, wonderful !

You must be feeling better, now you are telling about the good side of your life. Thinking about the future. I understand your dad is encouraging you to study. Can you persuade him that you just want to meet a few people, if you did find interesting job posts? Just till DEC? Perhaps a temp agency job? Dads think of themselves as being providers, and don't see beyond the money that they well provide to you, and think working is going to be a burden to you. You're lucky he is so generous, and you have a choice about what to do. Good

I also see that you were reaching out to give comfort to others on the forum. That is such a sign of getting "out of yourself"....hope you didn't feel I was picking on you. You have such potential, I wanted you to MOVE. But you are and didn't tell that part. Those are your positives.

Sorry the links didn't work. Wonder why? If you want to read the dating, sex marriage thing, try and go to Psychological Self-Help, by Clayton Tucker. Chapter 10 I haven't time right now to figure out why they didn't work. And perhaps if you Google mood trackers you will come across the site I thought was so cool, Optimism. You will see your wonderful progress in a beautiful graph, encouraging that you are indeed making headway in this long battle.

I am so happy now. You are on your way. Thank you for posting that. Good luck
Sandy

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/2/2010 6:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Annie, as I was leaving the topic here, I noticed that this thread started at 4 a.m. That is quite a mood swing in less than 24 hrs. Does this happen alot? The mood chart would then be invaluable to you in deciphering your moods, and give your therapist a better idea of what is going on.

I still am so pleased to have heard you give a "good report" on yourself.

sandy

annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/3/2010 2:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sandy,
I'm sorry replying late. I had been to another town with my family. It was a nice trip,I'm really tired.
Anyhow, I agree that I haven't been very positive but I try my best to not be negative. And you are elder to me and have seen much more of life than I have so it's okay if you are hard on me,sometimes some things are best told by shouting ! It did hurt me but I'm going to work on myself I just dunno why I need someone to believe in me. To say good when I do progress someone who scolds me when I go wrong and someone who believes in me. I don't know if I'm a dependent person but I get encouraged by doing something to make someone like me more. It's just how I have been.
Sandy I loved my ex a lot and whenever his memories strike me I break down its way different than the beginning but it hurts and it would I suppose hurt for a long time but over time I'm sure I would e better. It's during these moments of the reality of his walking away hit me is when I get breathless and go low.
I will be going to check the psych out tomorrow. I hope she's a good one. Yes I do go out and I enjoy with friends lead a normal life but at times I just miss that man ! And it sucks.
My mood swings to be honest are only when Im reminded of my ex by any means. :(

I just try to share what I feel with people here. And it's just a place where there's so much support and so much to learn. It feels like a club of people who are all friendly and help each other.

How are you by the way? I have been so stupid never asked about you? Hope you are doing fine.

Today I remembered my ex but just led my mind think of him without fighting with it by running away from it.
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/3/2010 2:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Annie !
Went out of town - Yes !
Seeing the pdoc tomorrow - Yes !
Keeping control of her thinking - Yes !
Didn't freak out - Yes !
You're doing great moving on.
And making my heart warm. Yes I am fine. Have been laughing outloud since Fri. , feels good. Don't know why its happening, but I'll take it.
We all care about you
GO GIRL GO!

Check out the Desiderata post.

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/3/2010 2:45 PM (GMT -6)   
You could start a new post, Out of the pit and walking proud

annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/3/2010 3:15 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm scared

It's not been long that I have been up and bouncing when I have fallen back in the put and guess that's what depression is all about :(

I'll check out the song right away....
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie

annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/3/2010 3:32 PM (GMT -6)   
I think I'm inflicting pain upon myself at times by just thinking of him when I don't need to ! The darn love habits have been deep set in me. It was a relation where we would be speaking to each other for atlesst 9 hours each day. Ughhhhh and I think the 4 am is caz it's usually around this time ie night time that it gets hard. What bums me out is it's been 10 months though it's reducing why doesn't it just disappear ! :(((((
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/3/2010 5:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Annie,
 
I think you are moving through this well and remember to go slow and take babysteps. You will have down times and the tears are cleansing but then pick yourself up and keep on moving forward.
 
I love that you joined a gym and swimming is a wonderful way to exercise and just let your worries float away.
 
I am sorry but I have to ask as you posted "and when I tried fighting over it he just beat me up", referring to your Father.  Are you OK and do you mean he mentally "beat you up?"
 
I read the awesome responses here in this forum from the members and I am so glad you are part of the HW family as we are hear to  support.
 
Gentle Hugs,
 
Kitt
 
 
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/3/2010 8:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi kitt
It's like I'm positive and going fine and than suddenly at a odd moment I'm reminded of him and it's like falling offa cliff, I'm in the pits all low and crying and sleeping to avoid him at times. And than my parents say that I was ok and now why suddenly I'm pretending to be sad. "pretending" I wish I was. It just feels worse when people think I'm doing so caz I'm normal otherwise, or when this happens I try and cope with it by trying to just meet my friends at times and avoid thinking. It hurts me that it's my own loved ones who say my emotions and what I feel is a bunch of pretentions.
My dad would beat me emotionally and at times phyiscally. My relation with my father isn't that great. One q- do you think I was so very involved and attached to my ex caz he do Tc of me whenever my dad behaved bad with me, he would comfort me and promse me a better future?
I always found a care in him back than I craved for since I was a kid. The attention.
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/3/2010 10:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Annie, more progress. I am intrigued that you thought of this:

"My dad would beat me emotionally and at times phyiscally. My relation with my father isn't that great. One q- do you think I was so very involved and attached to my ex caz he do Tc of me whenever my dad behaved bad with me, he would comfort me and promse me a better future?

I always found a care in him back than I craved for since I was a kid. The attention."

Powerful insight to share tomorrow with your doc, or is a therapist? You hit the nail right on the head this time. Very sorry that you have been abused by your dad.
Will be thinking of your appt tomorrow and hope it goes well. Can you jot brief notes of what you most importantly want to share, and ask? You won't be able to go in too deep on your first visit maybe, but it would be interesting for you to see what the response is. To judge if this person is going to be the most helpful. Good that you have a list.

Good luck, Sandy

annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/5/2010 1:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Sandy
My session got canned,my gran mother is sick and I have come to her place. I had a crying fit in the evening,just remembered my ex again,but I didn't let it spoil more than an hour of my day,mom asked me if I wanted medicines and I didn't take any and tried diverting my minds,and pushed my thoughts away. Do you think I'm doing it wrong by pushing the thought away? I completely break when I don't do so.
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/5/2010 5:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Annie, by all means pushing those thoughts of the past away is a giant step in the right direction. And limiting your crying is a good idea as well.
Sorry about your appointment and your Gma.

You're doing well. Exercise, plans to return to school, getting out of the house last weekend, Helping with Gma, and now putting a limit on your thinking.

Excellent.

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/6/2010 3:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Know you've got lots of things on your mind right now. I've been thinking about you and your struggle. I located this book for myself on Amazon. Its $3.99 with free 2 day shipping. Copied some info from it to show you. Have passed this on to someone else too. Its an easy read.

What to Say When you Talk To Yourself, Dr. Shad Helmstetter
Most information that our subconscious mind receives, from both external and internal sources, is negative. At any given time within our subconscious, as many as three negative thoughts are duking it out with one positive. Not knowing right from wrong, our subconscious chooses to believe the most dominant thought pattern. Unless we feed more positive messages to our subconscious, we become a prisoner to negative thought patterns.
Self talk is a way to override our past negative programming by erasing or replacing it with conscious, positive new directions.
What to Say reveals a simple way to overcome the onslaught of negative thought by literally feeding positive thoughts into our subconscious through Self-Talk. More than just affirmation statements, Dr. Helmstetter shows how to get specific and attack problems at their source.

I'm familiar with this book and highly recommend this to you. Maybe they have it at the library.
You're using better methods with your thinking. I think this will really assist you. Easy read
Was thrilled that you went dancing !
Sandy
BP II
Severe depression

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/6/2010 4:01 AM (GMT -6)   
From me:
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
To you:
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Sandy

annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/7/2010 4:06 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm not doing fine I mean as I mentioned earlier there are those days of highs and than a day of low. Everytime I hear my exs name or mere mention drives me nuts on some days. Today my dad blamed my mom for my ex coming in my life. I lost my patience and told my dad things I have avoided saying the fact that I can't tolerate him and I stopped from hitting my mom I lost control and was gonna break stuff. Why do I keeping missing my ex !?!?? It's painful. I wanna forget him.
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/7/2010 9:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Got some things off your chest to your dad. I think that was good. How do you feel about it?

How is it that you hear your ex's name in conversation? Its preetty hard to push back thoughts if someone is still talking about him during the day to day.

You are making progress. Depression can be an up and down thing. Have you made plans for the weekend? Dancing maybe?

annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/8/2010 2:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sandy,
I'm sorry I hadn't seen the previous two posts,missed them :( I will check the book out and see if I can get it delivered at my place.

It felt no different telling him to back off,it's an every fortnight thing at my place. I feel trapped here. Feel like screaming and running away somewhere. My dad blames my mom for supporting my relation with my ex,that she ruined my life etc. And I told him that I can't take anyone saying anything about my ex,caz my dad didn't know him. Whatever he did,he did,but he supported me for two years in ways that have made me wish he never left. I feel lonely without him and he comforted me in ways I wish my dad had at some point. I miss him so much. I have forgiven or maybe I never hated him for what he did caz the way he handled my family problems with me for 2 years it's something I can't forget. And now I'm back all alone in them and it's driving me crazy. I feel like I should take my mom away from this place. How can my dad blame my ex for me not being close to him (my dad) my dads been there for 20 years,whose mistake is it than that I was more attached to my bf than him?

I hate him for bringing up my ex everytime he wants me to break down. Why can't he just stop it?
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie
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