As both a person with and a mother of someone with depression, I would encourage anyone living with a child (especially an adult child) who is depressed to get some support (some knowledgable and empathic counsel) for themselves. It can be very depressing when a loved one (especially one that is living with you and so close to you) is depressed. If you subsequently become overwhelmed and depressed yourself, not only are there now two people suffering - but you will not be able to be of any assistance to your daughter in that condition. My point is: While it might seem selfish or wrong to take care of your own needs at this time, it is absolutely essential for both of you that you make yourself a priority. Are you able to do that?
I know for me, it has been very difficult to do that. It would feel wrong like how can I be thinking about
my own burnout (frustration, exhaustion, anger, aches, pains, excitement, longing, ______________ ) when my precious baby is suffering and in so much pain? But what I discovered is that it was not necessary OR HELPFUL to her for me to abandon myself as well. That did not help my daughter one iota.
I still communicate my unwavering concern to my daughter but I take the small breaks I need so as not to fall into the pit as well. After some reflection, I realized that how I communicated with my daughter was key in keeping both her and I afloat. I know from my own childhood just how essential it is to one's emotional health to know that someone really cares about
and loves you. To know that you are the most important thing in the world to somebody is a powerful remedy for whatever's ailing ya. So I learned to be sensitive to and considerate of my daughter's ability to process information accurately when she's having "one of her breakdowns."
For example (although NOT the best one I could come up with), when I used to pick my daughter up from high school and she vented about
how bad her day was (and how bad her night is going to be due to two big tests, a paper that is due, etc.) I might keep the details of what I needed to do/where I was going later on that evening to myself because my daughter does not yet have the maturity to not feel offended by/not take personally some of my actions. That is to say that I wouldn't listen to her talking about
how painful her life is and then say, "Ok. Well, I've got a haircut appt --- talk to ya later?"
Sorry if this was long or rambling. If I've been able to offer anything helpful, I'm glad. At the very least, I DO FEEL FOR YOU
Please take good care of yourself.