Posted 10/9/2010 4:35 PM (GMT -6)
Hi Annie - I've been checking things out on Dummies.com for fun. My daughter got a book Anxiety for Dummies, something like that and says its good, so I was seeing what other stuff they had, and the website has lots of places to click endlessly. Has made hours go by. Also baked something from scratch. Had to do it in more manageable little bursts of forcing myself. Got all the stuff out, pans, bowls, mixer; ingredients. Stopped. Next, Measured the ingredients and left them in the bowl. Stopped. Next turned on the oven and mixed it all. Put it in the pan and set the timer. Went and laid down. Timer went off, so put the bowls etc in the dishwasher while I happened to be in the kitchen. Now its cooling and I'm glad because it smells pretty good. This "burst" of productivity has taken a couple days.
You're describing depression to a T, staying in for days and crying. I try to encourage you to get out, exercise, because it will help you, and you've mentioned things that you like, but I know only to well how difficult it can be. Hope you don't think I'm minimizing the effort required.
When trapped in the depressive rut, sometimes the only way out is counselling and meds. So when you get that happening, the load will lighten sooner or later.
Do you have a bike?
Have a book there to re-read?
I hadn't read in years, after having read a lot when I was young because it was my escape from reality. A nice break. Then someone told me what she was reading, became relentless about reading, and I went to the library and got a pile of books. Got into it. I didn't want to buy the books because I thought I might not get anywhere and then have to look at them piled there. With the library, you have weeks to keep the books, and if you don't read them, so what, when you return them at least you don't have to see them staring at you. Or, maybe a simple shopping trip, just going to the one store, a book store, and getting one book. You could get a best seller of the week or something from Oprah's list, she's an avid reader. Or maybe its her staff.
My friend also wanted me to learn to knit, not a bad idea, but didn't interest me. I drew the line there. She signed me up for a bunch of yarn and pattern catalogs. Like I even had the energy to look at them. Just made a pile of them and called the 800# to make them stop. The nerve of her.