Didn't have things as difficult to overcome as you, but did have a rough time growing up. Got married at 19, and moved to Germany with my new husband. Was so glad to be far, far away from my family, and in those days phone calls were not an option, long distance.
Did get long letters from my Dad, complaining about
his miserable life in great deal, including my little bro and sis. I wish I had written to him that these things really hurt/effect me, and pls stop sharing them. Might have been a start to standing up for myself, and taking care of me.
Not too long afterward, while washing dishes, I could practically hear my mother blasting me in her sarcastic, judgmental way, it drove me crazy. Like a flashback. Went to the Army doc and he prescribed Tofranil, and it did wonders. I remember telling him that I felt better than I had my entire life (of 19 yrs ) coupled with speed walking to the bus every morning. Was humming "Feeling Groovy" adopted by McDonalds soon after.
The depression did come back later. When I was involved with a toxic person. Re-awakened those old feelings. Therapy is probably the route to go along with the antidepressant therapy while you are young, nip it in the bud, and learn some coping skills for the demands family makes. Learn to set boundaries. Really, do it now. If you're a reader, there are books about
Boundaries. Will help you your whole life.
I agree that you have been robbed of your self-esteem and happiness. And its not fair.
Concerning GMA, maybe its time for toughlove, for her to suffer the consequences of her own behavior. Is she of an age that Medicare will pay for at home care? Might get you off the hook so you can heal and be on your way in your own life, without that anchor holding you at bay.
You can vent here, all you want. We understand, and might be able to offer some constructive advice.
Working in an office, or anywhere in close close proximity to others (bank teller), is hard. Its hard not to feel paranoid when others are in a little huddle, and you can hear their stifled "She !" whistled from a mile away, and know they are discussing somebody, and wonder if it is you. Often it is not, but the situation is uncomfortable. Women can be so petty. Found out that once they were discussing a man who would spit his gum into "our" trash instead of using a tissue. Next thing, one of our beloved elder ladies did the same thing, ha ha ha.
Post Edited (Trying to Understand) : 10/12/2010 8:16:39 AM (GMT-6)