It just wont go away.

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Hanstar
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/12/2010 4:14 PM (GMT -6)   
I was mentally abused by my (now ex) boyfriend, lied through his teeth to me about being in the army,
his ex killing herself, "borrowed" money from me for rent, threatened to kill my family, friends and then me and
one day simply vanished.
 
I believed everything at the time, I slowly let contact with friends die, and nearly cut all contact with my dad and brother
(because it was what he wanted). My uni course was affected because of it, luckily i passed my first year, it affected how
i was mentally, and my physical appearance changed dramatically (i felt getting made up was a waste of time and my friends even said at the time, it was sad to see me go for really bubbly and out-going, to isolated and depressed in a matter of 2
months) 
 
I recently found love again after very long battle with going home to see my family (which did help in the long run)
but after my ex my insecurities came out and paranoia set in .... He suuggested i go and see a counsellor ... to help me over-come these issues but I feel it was an easy way out for him (although he has said he'll stand by me .... I feel it was an easy route out)
 
I thought i'd try an online forum out first rather than going straight into a counselling programme ...
any replies will be a start.
 
Thank you xx

josef Dieckman
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 296
   Posted 10/12/2010 8:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Im sorry that you are in such a crappy position. I probably am not the best person to give advice or suggest things to help, but I did want you to know that your post is being read and someone is paying attention. You are not alone, ok?


Colon Bowel

Taygeta
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 10/12/2010 9:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Hanstar,
 
Thanks for sharing your story.  If you want an online forum that has caring and compassionate folks - this is the place to be.  I checked out a number of them before I decided to join this one.
 
From my experience, finding a therapist who is right for you is very important.  I found one, and it has made a lot of difference for me.  I told her I had become a member of HW, and she was quite pleased, and she is encouraging me to be here and to stick with it.
 
Hope you will stick around and find some of the answers you are seeking.  Welcome!
 
Scythia

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/13/2010 4:18 AM (GMT 0)   
Thank God your ex vanished, and not you.

This will be difficult to put behind you and you will need assistance from a professional as well as the support we can offer.

Can you try and renew your old friendships and work at continuing to reconcile with your family? These are people you can trust, and are comfortable with.

As for the new relationship,"my insecurities came out and paranoia set in .... He suggested i go and see a counsellor ... to help me over-come these issues but I feel it was an easy way out for him (although he has said he'll stand by me .... I feel it was an easy route out "

I don't see it that way. I think he is realizing that you have those problems, being supportive, and encouraging you to get help because this thing is bigger than the both of you. Unless there's more to the story.

Proceed cautiously. Attempt to gain some self-esteem. Be glad #1 is out of your life, and realize that you succombed to his powers. Who knows what he was capable of. Never lend money. It creates an imbalance in the relationship. You need the insight of an objective counselor.

Good luck
Sandy
BP II
Severe depression

Hanstar
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/13/2010 5:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for the replies.
The guy i was seeing suggested it after he'd spoken with a work friend, and also thought about it himself,
he's said that the only way i can get through it is if we're not together but as close friends (which i found a bit weird)
Sadly its not what i wanted as i want to have him there when i have my "off days", but i just dont know how to deal with it really.

I dont want to keep at him, but i also feel like its a way for him to see if someone better without problems might come around,
I know we all have a little spout of paranoia in any relationship, its healthy, but I dont think he understands that.

Hannah x
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