What is wrong with me?

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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/13/2010 5:06 PM (GMT -6)   
I got discharged from the military for medical reasons.. should have been a mental discharge but my doctor liked me so much she sent me out for my messed up knees. Been married for 2 years now and my husband knows all about my mental illness. After we got married he helped me stop. After the military, i got even worse. They sent me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with depression with anxiety. I got discharged finally and went to see a shrink outside in the real world.. i cant afford therapy so i applied for assisstance. i told her everything.. but the medical board says i dont qualify.. so i cant get the help i really really want. I dont like talking on the phone so i cant call a hotline... its embarrassing. my husband (who has been keeping an eye on me) had to leave a state away for truck-driving orientation. so guess what i did that night? what am i going to do when he has to leave for 2 weeks for training? im a loser.. i just want to be normal.. noty have to take meds (that dont work) and have my knees feel better, stomach feel better, and chest feel better....why am i so ****ed up? i cry all the time... i get mad and upset over stupid stuff.. i have so many emotions flying around my head that i just want them all to stop. i just started a job.. and i dont think ill last too long there.. i cant focus. i just want everything to stop!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please no discussion fo suicide, suicidal plans or self harm  on this forum.  I had to edit your post a fair amount  but I tried to take as little as possible out so others can understand what you are facing. 
Thank you for understanding

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 10/13/2010 4:23:27 PM (GMT-6)

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/13/2010 5:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Crimson,
I wanted to give you some resources if this continues.
National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)
I do feel you need to talk to somebody. I know you don't like to talk with a crisis line but please take the step as you need help and you shouldn't have to suffer with these thoughts.    So please seek help.
Any chance you can go with your husband to the city where he has to do his training.  Any family support or freinds , church group etc. ?
Gentle Hugs,

Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 10/13/2010 5:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Kitt's right about seeking help.  Her advice is sound and good.  She's a great person to listen to.  She's already showed me some things I should be thinking about with my depression and anxiety, and they have helped, even if in only small ways, and I've only been a member here for a week or so.  So please listen to Kitt - do whatever you can to talk to a professional, doctor, or counselor about the way you are feeling. 
The second thing you can do is to continue to come to this forum.  Most folks here have felt the same things you are feeling, have had the same thoughts, have had the same trauma.  We really do understand what you are going through because we have gone through and are going  through those same things now.
Talk things out here if you have no other place to go.  You will know you are being listened to and heard.  Members will respond with posts that may help you sort things out some. 
It would be great if one could promise an overnight cure for what you are feeling, but that just isn't how it works.   So that is all the reason more for you to be here and vent what you need to vent.  Just about everything you mentioned in your post - I have felt and experienced.  When it happens it makes me not want to go on, but you know, I'll be darned if I'm going to give into that.  There are good days and bad, but I am not going to let depression win.       
You came to the right place.  Please stay on.  I would be more than willing to talk with you any time you needed to talk.
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