please help me understand

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buglet90
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 10/14/2010 10:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Ok...I have never used one of these before, but I'm not sure what else to do. I had a bad break up over a year ago and got depressed about three months later. I finally accepted it and went to the doctor to get medicine. I was at rock bottom and didn't know what else to do.

I am now almost off the medicine and I don't want to go back on them. But I am scared that I'm going to go down hill again.

For some reason I still cant look at his picture and not feel something. I don't want him back because he really wasn't very nice to me. I think that I just miss what we had.

I have gone up and down since then. I kind of began to date again. All the guys though have been too much like him or too needy and i don't feel like i should have to take care of someone else when I can't take care of myself.

I don't know if I'm doing something wrong, just not giving it enough time, or what the heck is going on. Please help if you can.

Thanks

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 10/15/2010 12:14 AM (GMT -6)   
sounds like you need some time for you. counselling really helps, perhaps a referal from your doctor to a compassionate counsellor will help. they know good people. hoping you feel better soon. welcome 2 the forum.

with compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/15/2010 10:35 AM (GMT -6)   
 
Hello and welcome to HealingWell. 

Breaking up a relationship is difficult !  Grief can be experienced even when an unfulfilling relationship ends, because, at the very least, you have lost the emotional investment you made in that relationship. There may be a sense of failure, hopelessness, loss, despair, fear, or desperation. In many cases, the length of the relationship compounds the pain of loss  Partly, it depends on how much you had vested, spiritually, emotionally and financially. But even short-term relationships can involve an investment in fantasy and in hopes for the future, and their loss can be similarly heart-wrenching.

Give yourself plenty of time to get past the feelings of loss as there is no time limit on how long these feelings will last. 

Try not to worry about the "what ifs"  and continue your plan to come off the medication.  Picture a good outcome and keep on moving forward one step at a time.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

 



~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

buglet90
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 10/15/2010 4:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Jamiee- Thank you for the advise. The problem is is that I asked my mom if I could and she doesn't think I need to. I didn't tell her that i was depressed until I came home with the medication. I had hit it all from her. She and I have a great relationship, but I don't know how to make her see where I am coming from.

Kitt- It was hard because I had spent the 16 months that we were together going on an emotional roller coaster. It physically and mentally drained me. I was relieved at first, then just worked my butt off to forget about it all. Then school started and I wasn't working as much and it went down hill from there. There was a period of about a month that I don't really remember. So I guess I just need to give time, time.

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/15/2010 5:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Time dulls the pain but I am sure you will always remember this roller coaster relationship.  Remember to take good care of yourself and keep an open mind re medication.  If you can be OK without it that is good but also if you need it to help you deal with your depression then accept it as a tool.
 
Kindly,
 
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

buglet90
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 10/15/2010 10:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Kitt- Thank you very much for the advice. I will definitely keep posts on here for advice and just to display thoughts.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 10/16/2010 4:37 AM (GMT -6)   
hoping you are feeling better. buglet90. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

givinguponit24
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 1/26/2011 3:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Youll get over the depression it takes time.
I havent gotten my broken wings and learned to fly again yet.

I have had some bad breakups in the past. But thats in the past you know. Alot of the relationships I had were really bad because it doesnt make me attracted and satisfied if the girl is too attached and obsessed about you. It, meaning (the clinginess) makes me repelled to those girls. I don't need that. I am so much better than that. I have learned though whats good and whats bad.
I like the line (There may be a sense of failure, hopelessness, loss, despair, fear, or desperation. In many cases, the length of the relationship compounds the pain of loss Partly, it depends on how much you had vested, spiritually, emotionally and financially.) that is a good line I will keep that in mind next time I hit rock bottom.
ALLERGIES, ADHD, OCD, GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER, PTSD, BIPOLAR TYPE 1, HYPOCHONDRIAC, PHE DISORDER.
Lamictal-300mg, Trileptal-900mg Seroquel-200mg, Risperdal-5.0mg Zoloft-25mg

givinguponit24
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 1/26/2011 3:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Youll get over the depression it takes time.
I havent gotten my broken wings and learned to fly again yet.

I have had some bad breakups in the past. But thats in the past you know. Alot of the relationships I had were really bad because it doesnt make me attracted and satisfied if the girl is too attached and obsessed about you. It, meaning (the clinginess) makes me repelled to those girls. I don't need that. I am so much better than that. I have learned though whats good and whats bad.
I like the line (There may be a sense of failure, hopelessness, loss, despair, fear, or desperation. In many cases, the length of the relationship compounds the pain of loss Partly, it depends on how much you had vested, spiritually, emotionally and financially.) that is a good line I will keep that in mind next time I hit rock bottom.
ALLERGIES, ADHD, OCD, GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER, PTSD, BIPOLAR TYPE 1, HYPOCHONDRIAC, PHE DISORDER.
Lamictal-300mg, Trileptal-900mg Seroquel-200mg, Risperdal-5.0mg Zoloft-25mg

buglet90
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 2/1/2011 6:14 PM (GMT -6)   
That quote is a good one. I have done a lot of soul searching lately and I think I know why I still think about what happened and won't let myself move on. I feel like he ruined my last two high school years. I don't look back at high school with very many happy memories. There are people who can walk the halls and point out places where they got asked out or where they always talked to friends. I can point out where I have cried or where he yelled at me and would put me down. For a while I couldn't figure out what I did wrong to deserve to be treated that way. I thought that the fact that I loved him would make all the difference, but I realized that I didn't do anything wrong. I know now that I don't deserve to be treated that way. So slowly I'm building myself back up, and I will date again, but it will be on my terms. I'm not going to let someone push me around like i let him.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 2/1/2011 7:36 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so happy that you have recognized this situation for what it is. And no you didn't do anything wrong. You are not a lesser person. It is what it is. And now that you see it differently, it is time to work on moving forward. Take this one day at a time, and gradually you will start to get stronger. Make everyday count. Make the most of it and learn the most that you can from it. Things happen in our lives that make us feel bad and knock us down temporarily, but we learn and build character from these situations. You are learning and growing and now moving forward. I wish you all the best on your new healing journey.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
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