Hardest thing (it all starts with a bad choice)

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annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/18/2010 2:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi
I confessed to my boyfriend about not being in love with him for the first five months of our relationship. It was hard but I guess he understood what I wanted to say. He's hurt and feels betrayed. But I had to do it if I wanted to give my 100% to my relation if it remains or it doesn't. I love him a lot and hiding this thing from him was making me really depressed.
I dunno if he would leave me or no. But it's given a big blow to our relation.
I feel better now that if he leaves me he has the right to and I owed him the truth if I wanted to be with him in future. I couldn't be in a relation whose beginning was based on unsure feelings which he didn't know about.

I'm scared
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/18/2010 6:22 PM (GMT -6)   
No beating yourself up for sharing with your boyfriend how you felt when you first got together. You have told him now and I am sure he will be OK. 
 
May I ask how long you have been together now and when you realized you were truly in love with him ?
 
The beginning of a relationship can be hard to sort out as people freqeuntly are not sure how they feel.  This is why it is a courtship period to find out if you are a good fit.
 
Take care and I wish you happiness.
 
Kitt
 
 

~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Post Edited (stkitt) : 10/19/2010 7:31:51 AM (GMT-6)


annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/19/2010 5:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kitt,
I had a breakup with my long term boyfriend in Dec. my boyfriend back than my best friend took care of me and well we started being together.I tried my best to not show him that I wasn't completly over my ex,I felt maybe he knew.
Anyhow I fell for him after 5 months of our relation. We are in a long distance. He's hurt. It's just I never faked anything but I was very unsure about my feelings. He asked me if I loved him back than or no,and I replied honestly that back than I wasn't sure about my feelings.
Now he says how does he believe me that now I'm in love with him. We been together for 10 months now....
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/19/2010 9:06 AM (GMT -6)   
OK,  Annie,  I did read this in one of your other threads and responded I believe.  So now you have told him how you felt when he asked.  I hope that with time he will  will get past the hurt and understand that your feelings have changed for him which is a good thing.
 
Blessings,
 
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/20/2010 4:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi

Well it was always a double headed arrow for me. Not telling him made me feel like I was cheating him and was being with him without him knowing the truth,telling him I have risked the entire existence of my relationship. I love him alot. And there are more than 90% chances he's going to leave me for he says he has lost all the faith he had in me. My honesty has caused him a lot of hurt and pain and makes him feel I faked 5 months of our relationship.
Which isn't true. I didn't. I would just be unsure and confused. On the other end telling him was only caz I love him so much that I wanted our relationship to be based on honesty.
I dunno what to say anymore,I keep quite when he blames me for faking things. He has the right to be angry with me but I can't change what I felt and how I feel. And now I can't even question him if it changes how he feels for me.
I met my doctor today as I was feeling breathless,he said I'm suffering from continual panic attacks. I didn't tell this to anyone as I don't want everyone to think I'm a weak person. But the truth is that I'm.
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie

stkitt
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/20/2010 10:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear Annie,
 
You are not a weak person - that is your mind playing tricks on you !  Never feel you have to be ashamed of who you are.  You are unique.
 
Your boyfriend may be overreacting to your truthful answer.  Let him work through this and try not to bring up the issue as this may just cause more strain in your relationship. 
 
Kindly,
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 10/20/2010 2:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Annie,

It looks like you are punishing yourself a lot right now. Take this one day at a time, he will get over this. I promise. And if he doesn't, then maybe he isn't the right person for you. Give him time to digest this. And like Kitt mentioned, don't bring it up.

I hope that you are having a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/21/2010 10:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Kitt,
Yes I'm trying to avoid much discussions we haven't been talking much. Guess I should give him sometime. I'm still having trouble getting out of the house and doing things. I wish I could go out would take my mind off things.

Hey Karen

hiiii ! Hugss ! I have missed you so much.... Hope you are doing fine. Well as we had discussed I thought over things,and thought as you said if our relation couldn't handle the truth how long would it last. I'm not a very good with putting things under the carpet as I have been cheated upon I can't imagine putting anyone through it myself.
I'm having trouble getting out of my house. Have been on self house arrest for more than a week now. :(
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 10/21/2010 10:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Try to get out and do somethings. Quit punishing yourself. You are a good person and you need to realize that. We all make mistakes. Keep posting as I think this is good for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
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