Should one have 100% transparency in their relationship with their spouse/partner?

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annie.d12345
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/21/2010 2:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Well the question says it all ! All around people talk of ideal relations and ideal ways to be in a relation. But real life is far from being idealistic. We face situations which don't get solved like they get done in movies and books. So well how much does one share and keep with himself/herself ?

Should one have 100% transparency in their relationship with their spouse/partner?

I'm suffering from depression and I'm in a long distance. I have noticed that it's not always good to share my mood swings with my partner or how I felt. he has his things and the last thing he needs is me crying over something I have no clue why I'm crying over.

Hope to get some replies soon.

Take care !
“Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to”

Annie

stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/21/2010 5:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey there, this is a two edged sword IMHO.  I do not feel that I can not have my own thoughts and do my own things without sharing every single thought with my husband.  In fact he would fall asleep of boredom if I shared all my thoughts for the day.  Some things he is just not interested in as I am not interested in sports.
 
It comes down to sharing the important things with each other.  If your feeling down, I feel telling your partner that you are having a down day leaves the door open for them to initiate a conversation with you.  Perhaps they are on their way out the door to work so try to pick times that you are available to talk through your feelings.
 
I see my therapist and my husband will ask how it went ?  I may say it went well and that is the end of the conversation or I may say, can we sit down for 15 minutes and talk about it?  So we give each other cues when we want  or need to talk.
 
Good luck, Annie, hope this helps a bit.
 
Kindly,
Kitt
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Post Edited (stkitt) : 10/22/2010 9:14:46 AM (GMT-6)


Taygeta
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 10/21/2010 10:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Annie,
 
Good question.  I don't think 100% transparency is possible in any relationship.  
 
Classic example:  if the govt. knew the Earth would  be destroyed in a month by an asteroid - would they tell the people or not?  Is full disclosure going to help or hurt in that situation?
 
We are faced with those kinds of choices in our personal lives on just about a daily basis.  If I do A, then B will definitely happen.  If I do C, then B will happen, but it won't be as bad.  If I do D, then maybe B won't happen at all, which I know isn't fair, but having B happen isn't fair either . . .
 
Wish I had a better answer for you.
 
Scythia  

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 10/21/2010 10:35 PM (GMT -6)   
yes no and maybe.
But really who has the time...:)
However I would say that somethings are for therapy, because how much can an non-professional person help you with them?
Especially if his is a person who is very solution focused...
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getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 10/22/2010 6:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Annie,

When you talk to your boyfriend, I think that the unselfish thing to do would be to listen to him and keep your problems to yourself, unless they include him, then that is a different story. But I would make the most out of the conversation as it is a long distance relationship. And leave my problems for myself to figure out. You want to make the most out of your conversation with him, so I would say put yours on the back burner for now.

You really need a counselor to get you through this. But coming here is good too.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
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Geosojda
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 10/22/2010 7:51 AM (GMT -6)   
stkitt said...
 
It comes down to sharing the important things with each other.  If your feeling down I feel telling you partner that you are having a down day leaves the door open for them to initiate a conversation with you.  Perhaps they are on their way out the door to work so try to pick times that you are available to talk through your feelings.
 
This pretty much sums up the way i feel.  To me its not healthy to share every single thing with your s. other.  In many ways i think while in a relationship you need to be able to remain your own person to a degree and i think if everything is shared with each other you sort of lose your identity.  Similar to if you spend every waking moment with them without setting time away for yourself.  However, the big stuff should be 100%.  I was thinking and i can't really define what is big stuff and what isn't, i guess its just up to you to define that for yourself.
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