Hi Frances !
To make things more accurate, my family was never a support, and their constant criticism, lame advice, and/or total attitude of ignoring the obvious sucked.
My current (#3) husband has been a pillar of strength, did go to the doc with me to make sure I was "telling" the whole story, but understands now and doesn't put the pressure/guilts on me to do things he wants to. He likes to go to big doings, in our clubhouse they have a cheap meal but its very crowded, people aren't that friendly, very old, crappy meal, why? Now he agrees.
Getting together with his family twice a year was also too much, as its an all day thing, very crowded at his brothers house. We are out of state now, so that issue is resolved. There has not been a reason to present him with the "list" but I wouldn't hesitate to do so if it was otherwise.
My son knows, but not much, as I wanted to let him know that he seemed to be behaving a little overboard on things, hence Bipolar? tell your doc about
your mom, they told him he might have ADD, gave him meds but he didn't like the "feeling". I think/hope he is a go-getter, and does just naturally eat very healthy, exercises frequently, has a vast social life, and is happy.
But the rub comes in because he doesn't want his wife to know about
"me", and she can be a nasty little ***** so its easy for me to keep my distance there. She was upset because my aunts supposedly had Alzheimers, guess no one in her family has been senile, just alcoholic dry drunks now. Ai yi yi
My daughter does understand, she's the one who wanted power of attny to hospitalize me, but now gets it that I wasn't that bad. People want you to be 100 %, and it just isn't going to happen, there's no cure. They think that miracles can be performed in the hospital, not knowing that improvement is the most realistic goal. And saves your life.
Some people just will never understand, especially disease in a young person. Its a little better now that there's so much info available on mental issues, but some still keep their blinders on. I'm kind of new to the internet, and when I saw these lists had an ah ha moment. Actually msgd my ex with some since my daughter has big anxiety/panic problems, and when she's scared stiff goes to his house. He claims he has already done research on this, good, the goal is don't put your big foot in your mouth like you always did with me.
For Skeye and the young ones like him, that are still close/reliant on their families, I would not hesitate to give them a "list", leave it somewhere they can't miss it. I do believe that people really don't know what to say, so babble out some trite thing, and I would feel, OK, just keep your brilliant ideas to yourself. But some, like Skeye and Swimmer 89, do have a support system, and it can be strengthened with the proper knowledge. Books written for family are great, but they do have to be read. a t is a short idea of what the score is without being lengthy, for non-readers or those not too interested really.
In your case, there's one about
"what if you knew someone allergic to cats." It goes thru a conversation something like, how do you know you are, no you aren't, do this, do that, its all in your head, etc. And if you wouldn't say that to someone with allergies, why would you say it to anyone else suffering from an unseen source. Like depression, BP, or fibromyalgia.
So sorry you haven't got much support, and when they start throwing stones it really hurts. I think it is a very wise idea to cut down on holidays/celebrations that are going to take a tolll on you. And holidays etc. aren't like the ones people on TV have, at least I never knew anyone who really got anything but exhausted by the holidays, and glad when they're over. We have eliminated gift-giving between ourselves, and only do so with my daughter since she is alone and realy likes to have a gift to
open. She gets money from the rest of the family, poor thing, ha ha, and doesn't care what I stick in the bag for her. Our first year here I got a nice pre-lit Christmas tree, bought hot cocoa mix and Christmas
cookies, and when she came over she didn't want to trim it or have cocoa/
cookies. Since then the decorated tree stands in our storage area, and we just drag it in for Christmas the week of, then day after it goes back out. This year I am going to put a sign on it "free" and place it at the curb its kind of a bitter taste for me. The mall, early in the day is a nice place to visit and see the decorations and hear the music,smell the cinna-bons. That's plenty.
Don't know what happened to me since the Halloween bug bit me hard this year, but am returning my stuff to the store tomorrow, and not going to the party. 7:30 is too late for me, ha ha. I don't even know these people, bah humbug.
If you find a list you really like of "what to say/or not" you could print it up, fold it nice, then give it to the most annoying person during the holiday upon departure.
I hate it too when people think that, in 1 minute of thought, they will devise a treatment plan of things you couldn't possibly have heard before.
Hope it helps.
Thinking of you, dear, and all the help you've been to me.
Respect baby steps. Most work gets done an inch at a time. Just break ground.
Some get annoyed that people are so odd; lucky folks know that's the fun part.
Post Edited (Trying to Understand) : 10/24/2010 8:21:46 PM (GMT-6)