I haven't been here in about two years. Didn't have the need to. Just a quick recap - I'm 20, junior in college. Had depression for pretty much my whole life. Loner/painfully shy in middle and high school.
But once I entered college, my depression seemed to disappear at the end of my first semester. I loved school, fell in love with learning, even got my first boyfriend. I got this rush I'd ever had before. For the first time ever, I said I was happy, and meant it.
I broke up with my boyfriend this summer. It was hard. He was my best friend, but it just wasn't working out. And I got a case of pride. All my life I'd been insecure and felt like I'd never be appreciated. After I broke up with him, I had all these boys calling me and hanging out with me. I felt like I was on top of the world.
Then I came back to school, feeling better than ever. My schedule though has been so grueling. I only have 3 classes, but I have to go an hour away from my home twice a week for additional classwork. I run on about 3 hours of sleep per night on average. At first I was still doing great. Then the exhaustion got to me. I'm so tired, and the depression is sinking in again.
I'm scared. My new friends don't know about my whole history; they just know the happy, laughing person. I can't talk to anyone about this, not even family, cuz I'm an adult now. I've been so busy, I haven't been able to schedule an appt with my therapist. I know I'm stretching myself too thin, yet I feel like I need to continue this grueling schedule to prove to people I can handle it, that I can take care of myself. They're all expecting me to, anyway. I've learned that as an adult, no one will be there for you if you need to cry.
I'm going to make time to see my therapist again regularly though to fix this. Because I had negative thinking patterns my whole life, I know how easy it is to sink back into this. I don't want to keep fighting this my whole life though. Did anyone here ever have depression relapses? How did you deal with them? And does anyone have any advice for college students with depression and busy schedules?
Thank you for reading this far. This is the first time I've told anyone (even strangers online) how I feel.