Thanks to both of you. Good advice! I really AM trying to focus on the positive ... and these are good suggestions to keep me focused.
I don't know what the max does is, but I'm only taking 30 mg of Cymbalta .. supposed to increase it to 60mg next Monday. My dr knows how hesitant I am to take meds (because of a horrendous experience a few years ago with a 'rabid' psychiatrist) and so he suggested that I start slowly. (My family doc prescribed the Cymbalta ... he really listens to me. I'm so thankful for him.) I'm not sure that I ever agreed whole heartedly with the disagnosis, but I was diagnosed a long time ago as having Bi-Polar II disorder, so I worry about taking anti-depressants. It can whip me into hypo-mania .. which (i admit) i enjoy a little too much .. it feels so good to feel good .. at first. And then .. it's too much, I make bad choices, I do stupid stuff, and I feel awful about it .. and then BOOM .. here comes the depression. I haven't been medicated for the Bi-P II for 2.5 years now ... and have been ok ... but I worry that it's always lurking ...
Since I started the Cymbalta, I've been struggling with night sweats, dry mouth, icky belly, and um ... 'personal' side effects, and at first .. insomnia, though that seems to have straightened out. In fact, I get a little scared that I want to sleep all the time now .. but I think that's just depression + shorter, darker, colder, rainy days + adjusting to a new med.
I didn't get a lot done yesterday, but I got more than the day before .. so I'm gonna call that progress. My kids were happy all evening, so I'm going to chalk that one up to 'good job, Mom!' too. A friend stopped by in the afternoon and we visited for a little while ... for the first time in a LONG time I admitted that I'm struggling ... it was good to talk about it .. although I didn't want to at first ... and I'm thankful that I have such great friends who do care about me ... so .. I'm putting that on the "Things that went well yesterday" list. :)
I have been on the depression merry-go-round since I was a kid ... it was nice to have a break .. and I know it won't last forever .. but it sure is discouraging when it creeps back.
Thanks again for helping me stay focused and giving me specific things to try to accomplish.