I really need some guidance for my depression . . .

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atlas_shrugged
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 10/28/2010 3:44 AM (GMT -6)   
I have had a problem with lust for a long time. I'm an 18-year-old male with a strong attraction to men. I am currently engaged to the most wonderful woman I could ever ask for. I have told her about this problem - she helps me as much as she can. Sometimes, though, I am just overcome with the desire to watch gay ****...and do. I have gone through long stages of depression because of this addiction. I love my fiance (and am very much attracted to her) more than I can imagine, and I really need help in finding a spiritual solution. I have had sex with a guy before, and it made me feel horrible about myself. I have told my fiance about all of these things, and yet she still loves me. Because I love her so much, I really need God's help in controlling this . . .

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 10/28/2010 7:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Maybe you should talk to a counselor to sort your feelings out. You are probably and most likely bi. And that is okay. But you don't want to cheat on your girlfriend. You are so fortunate that she is understanding of your situation. Just keep being honest. But yes, I would recommend therapy at this stage so you can get this straight in your head.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

atlas_shrugged
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 10/28/2010 10:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you so much for your advice. I've been afraid of therapy for the longest time: I didn't want a counselor to advise to leave my girlfriend. I guess I figured most people would tell me to leave her, to embrace these desires. After your reply, I'm going to consider seeing a therapist. Again, thank you - I was up all night searching for answers.

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/28/2010 8:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Don't anticipate what the counselor will say. I have never had a counselor tell me point blank to do something so drastic. Just don't make any impulsive decisions right now. You really need help sorting it all out.
You're in a turmoil, conflicted regarding your sexual feelings.
That's why you need someone trained to discuss it.
You're on the right track
Be brave
Keep posting.
Sandy
BP II
Severe depression

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 10/30/2010 12:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Atlas,
You mentioned God. Do you go to a church/synagogue? If so, you might consider talking to a priest/pastor/rabbi. If you're not comfortable with that, you might try finding a religious counselor who shares your faith. I know my insurance company was actually able to find me a Christian counselor since that was something that was very important to me. In the past, I talked with my pastor & he was able to refer me to a counselor on staff with the church.
You are definitely not alone in your struggles & even if you pick a counselor who shares your faith that does not mean they are going to preach at you. In my experiences, even when I was doing something that was against my church's teaching, the counselor would ask me about what I was thinking/doing & how that was impacting me. She would only share biblical teachings if I asked her what the church/bible said about something in particular. I was pretty surprised to learn that even though I was sure I was going to h--- for some of my actions, there were verses in scripture that actually said that what I was doing was okay some of the time; I just needed to learn the appropriate circumstances & the counselor was able to help me learn that.
Anyways, that's a longer explanation than I intended. Just wanted to throw that out as an option for you. For what it's worth, I've found that God's help can come in more concrete ways than I realized -- wise counselors, caring friends who know what I struggle with & can offer an encouraging word, practical behavioral changes to avoid trouble, books to teach me new ways of thinking & sometimes even medication. So hang in there & keep your eyes peeled for those concrete opportunities to get the help you're asking for.

peace & prayers,
frances

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/30/2010 3:50 AM (GMT -6)   
A counselor/therapist can help you explore your feelings, sexual or otherwise, and shouldn't pass judgment, or propel you into a lifestyle that is not you.
Sandy
BP II
Severe depression
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