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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/30/2010 5:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Just joined this group
Im going out of my mind at the moment not knowing which way to turn...
Caught my husband of nine years having an affair eight months ago ,, I knew for several weeks before confronting him I wanted all the evidence I could get first,, But when confronted he denied it ,,Now to much has gone on for me to list but in short he told me he loved her.... I managed to read emails and texes ect where they were making plans for a future ,,moving house taking holidays... the texes were also very itimate,,,,,,
Very quickly my husband decided he no longer wanted these things with her and he had made a dreadful mistake he wanted me but he kept in contact with her also .... After the days and weeks that followed it also came out he had seen another women as the first one had children...He would never have told me this had i not found out myself..
This is my third marrige  and to my knowledge had not been cheated on before,,, but this came as a huge huge blow as I trusted and love this man deeply....
My problem is I just cant move on ( we are having counceling ) this is not helping me at all I feel the same as the day I found out I no longer trust him and will never trust him again ....Should I get out now or give it a little longer ,,,Would be greatful for any advice

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/30/2010 6:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello and welcome to HealingWell,
First, I want to say that I am so very sorry that you are having to endure the trauma of an affair. 
When you love someone with all your heart, and they breach your trust, disrespect your love and marriage , and break your soul, it  is really hard to repair the relationship.   It takes a lot of time and hard work on both sides. If your marriage is going to survive your spouse must be able to look honestly at themself and change.
Only you can decide if you want to stick with him.  I wish you the very best and I am glad you felt comfortable joining this forum looking for support.  We are here for you.
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 10/30/2010 8:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Sounds like he wants the best of both, or should I say all worlds. Mid-life crisis? No excuse even if it is. Tell your counselor how you feel: this is not helping me a bit. I feel ....... !
Think about what you want. Maybe divorce is unacceptable to you, maybe you could try a separation. Maybe if you get away and stay with someone for a while you will be able to think it thru better. Its very confusing.
Sorry, this sounds like a nightmare for you.
You can let it all out here, Vent !
People are here for you.
Severe depression

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 10/31/2010 8:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there Lashesnlips,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Trust is such an important issue when it comes to marraige. How about couples counseling? Do you think that would help? I hope that things work out for you and that you can save your marraige, but just know, you need to feel safe and comfortable with this.

Keep on posting as we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 11/2/2010 12:25 AM (GMT -6)   
follow your gut instincts. as a male, i am disturbed that he cheated on you. twice.
i could never do this to someone i luv. very sorry that this happened. trust has been breached, and seriously. jamie.


Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/2/2010 9:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Good Morning Lashesnlips,

Hope you are OK and that you come back and talk with us.
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.

"If you can't change the world, change your world"
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