Stress & Anxiety through the roof

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Tirzah
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 11/1/2010 1:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, everything is finally coming to a head & I am losing my mind. Heart is pounding. Trying to keep breathing under control. I've never had a panic attack before but I think I had one this morning. If I had money I probably would've called a doctor.
So I'm going to see my counselor tonight. Don't really have money to see her again for a couple of weeks so this has got to get me through my trial next week & negotiations with my credit card company & getting some kind of crappy insurance that doesn't cover anything and costs a boatload of money just so I can have coverage if/when I actually do get a decent job.

I am trying so hard to just focus on breathing. I think I might be taking too many breaths per minute. I am so overwhelmed. Court is really terrifying me & I don't know why. I only have to answer 3 short questions & then just sit there and look pretty. But I have these nightmares & they are taking over my life and I am just so scared. Scared like I am going to be physically attacked. Honestly, I'm not sure I was even this scared when I was being attacked on a daily basis & was convinced I wouldn't survive the day. This is just so awful.

I'm debating whether it's worth eating crappy food in order to buy my thyroid medicine. Thyroid meds would give my heart a bit of a break (stressing "a bit"), but eating healthier foods is important to manage the depression/anxiety. I've been taking daily baths to try and relax & they help a little but aren't enough.

I know I should try to go out for a walk or a short jog, but it's been tough enough just to get up the energy to go to the store. Oh man, I gotta pull myself together somehow. I can't keep this up. shakehead

awty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 11/1/2010 1:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Frances, starting at 300, minus 3, 297, minus 3, 294, right the way to zero. When your mind wonders, bring it back to subtracting. This diversion will assist you in getting more centred. Do this when ever you need to stay calm.

And do the healthy eating, you are worth it to stay as strong as you can.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42438
   Posted 11/1/2010 1:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Frances,

Remember when breathing, in through the nose, out throgh the mouth. Smelling the roses and blowing out the candles. If you use pursed lips while breathing out, it helps to slow your breathing down.

Frances, I really feel for you. It will be so much better when all this is overwith. I am sorry that you are going through this. I am not sure of all that is going on, but I have heard some talk about unlawful mortgage things going on. If there was anything that was not fair to you, I sure do hope that it comes to light and is fixed. This must be so discouraging for you at this time. Again, I am sorry.

Please do keep us informed as to what is going on with you and all these processes. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 11/1/2010 2:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Tough one, food or meds. Sometimes the pharmacy will give me a partial prescription, then subtract it from the full amt when I can get that. If you have been a long time customer maybe they will.
Would try and make a compromise on the diet, don't eat crap, whole foods but hold back on the most expensive items on the list. Not having meds right when the trial is close probably is not good.

Good you are doing deep breathing, love that thing, "smelling the roses, blowing out the candles". The breathing is very important from what I have read. And hot baths too. How about music? headphones? The counting is real good too, they say it is impossible to think about 2 things simultaneously.

So glad you are working to beat this anxiety/panic, and seeing the therapist. Make sure you remember to say whatever you would have said if you weren't having current problem, since you won't be going back for a while.

Good luck ! You're almost there
Sandy
BP II
Severe depression

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/1/2010 3:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Frances,
I would like to see you have food and medicine. Everyone needs the basic necessities in life to keep them strong and healthy my dear young friend.   I am posting a link we have in A & P and it is legitimate.  If you want to read the thread in A & P it is titled "Discount Crug Card".
 
Needy Meds Drug Discount Card - can print right from you computer.  Read the info as some people may not be entitiled to use this card if they are already receiving state or Federal Help.
 

~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 11/1/2010 7:49 PM (GMT -6)   
My discount card from United Way came today. She even sent 2. I wish I could send you one, hint, hint. Wish I could post it here and everyone could copy it.
If you are out and about, maybe you could go to a United Way office and get your own. They have other things they do to help people too. The lady's card says www.uwsd.org, for San Diego I presume. Was real nice, laid back. Also referred me to 211, didn't know about that, they have all sorts of collected resources for whatever your problem, like emergency money/food.
Sandy
BP II
Severe depression

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 11/1/2010 9:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks all. Sandy/Kitt, thanks for the advice. That is a great program. I do have a discount drug card through the Big Cities initiative. It gives 20% off, but Levoxyl isn't included. My PCP said that generics for thyroid meds aren't like regular generics. That 10% variation makes a big difference. If I switch to generic it will cost me $8 with the discount. Otherwise, the brand is $22. I hate to waste $8 on something that won't work. But on the other hand, I hate to spend an extra $14 if the generic will do the job. I should be able to make this decision, shouldn't I? why does everything seem so hard to decide?

Karen, my mortgage company is in the news for shady dealings. They haven't been on the up-and-up with the filings, but I had a legal aid lawyer to help me with that. Right now the main issue is that they are calling my family, my employer, my neighbors & anyone else they can find in the phone book to try to shake some money out. They've already foreclosed on me, but I'm told that IL law allows them to keep calling me for the next 10 years unless I file for bankruptcy. I turn off my phone a lot b/c one of their reps suggested I only eat every third day so I could send them some money & another actually recommended I commit suicide. The police have been involved. My attorney filed an action against them with the local Bar for B&E when delivering my court papers. I feel like I'm in a mob movie. It's just awful. I'm already under a lot of stress & they just make things a million times worse. I am glad to be getting out of my condo, though. Probably will move out in January (so I can save a bit of money for security deposit/rent).

Awty, I used to do counting, but got compulsive about it. My counselor said not to worry about whether something is compulsive right now, just to do whatever will get me through the day. So I think I will give it another try. Thanks. :)

I am going to volunteer at a local school starting tomorrow so hopefully that will help get my mind off of some of this stress (nothing like smiling 7 year olds to crack through the worst anxiety). I don't really have the money, but I'm thinking I may go back to the counselor's again on Thursday to try to get the stress better under control before court next week. At least that will be over after next week (oh god, I hope it's over; I'm really praying that we don't end up in an appeal; this #$%^&* thing has already been dragging on for several years).

I'm off to try sleeping. Haven't slept since Thursday night. I sure hope I can get some rest tonight.

sweet dreams,
frances

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 11/1/2010 10:41 PM (GMT -6)   
i hope you have some zzzzz's too frances. sending my healing thoughts your way.

with compassion, jamie.
BI-POLAR-1, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/2/2010 8:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Good Morning Frances,
 
Volunteering at the school is a great idea and it is fun to be with kids because they always make you smile.  I worked the last 2 years as a part time school nurse at all the schools in town and being with the kids was fun.  I even took a whole bus of mentally challenged kids uptown to a Christmas play and I had forgotten how much I enjoyed some of the simple pleasures I had shared with my own children during the holiday season. I had also forgotten how many hats and mittens you had to keep track of smhair .
 
I hope you are able to see your counselor at least one time before the court date next week.
 
Count on us to support you through all the trials and tribulations.
 
Gentle Hugs to you,
 
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Taygeta
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 11/2/2010 1:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Frances,
 
I hope you are doing better.
 
I think, I can't be sure, but lack of sleep makes me more susceptible to panic (anxiety) attacks.  Siince I'm in the middle of one now, and I did not sleep well the last two nights - well, it's a good answer for the moment.
 
OMG, I just read your post about the creditors.  OMG - one of them suggested you eat only every third day and another recommended suicide?  OMG!!!!
 
OMG, OMG, OMG . . .
 
OMG, OMG, OMG . . .
 
What is wrong with those people?!?!?!?  OMG, OMG, OMG . . .
 
Sick, sick, sick . . .
 
I'm too anxious and angry right now to post anything more on this.
 
OMG, OMG, OMG . . .
 
 
 

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 11/2/2010 8:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Jamie, Scythia & Kitt. I made it through today. Going to the school helped some. Tomorrow I am going back for half a day. I also went to a local university to look into getting a graduate degree. And that was fun.
Got home though & just got really panicky again. It's cold here & I hurried over to vote, gave myself an asthma attack. Which of course doesn't help anxiety. Asthma medication is not good for anxiety at all. But now instead of an asthma attack, I'm just so nervous. Trying to focus on slowing down my breathing. I just feel like my chest is being crushed. I found an old sleeping pill last night so I was able to sleep, but now I don't have anything. I'm going to look into seeing if I can get some more tomorrow from my PM or PCP -- maybe they have some samples. It would be good if I could get enough to last me through next week.
I'm just trying to do the counting & breathing & trying to focus on happy things. Not very successful, but I'm trying. :(

thanks again.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/2/2010 9:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Frances,
 
Kudos to you for having a good day and you got out to vote too !  Sorry to hear about the asthma attack and oh yeah those meds can make you feel nervous.  I am impressed at all you accomplished today. 
 
So back to hang out with the school kids tomorrow.  Have you found out what Silly Bandz are yet and have they impressed you with their collections ?  My Granddaughter just turned 7 so I got her 3 pack of Bandz as they trade them in school.  You get quite an education from the kids.  smhair
 
Make plans for the weekend to stay busy so there is not much time left to worry about the court date next week.  Get book, DVD's CDs from the library.  Plan to get out and about, walk, hike, if it rains do the mall walking. 
 
Always know we are here to help you out and send lots of good vibes.
 
Kindly,
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 11/3/2010 1:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Kitt,
I knew what silly bands were before today, but never did I understand why teachers hated them so passionately until I see a little girl start crying b/c instead of paying attention when she was trying to do show-and-tell read aloud for the class, half the kids were playing with those darn silly bands -- wrapping them around fingers until they turned blue, shooting them across the room, tying them onto belt loops ... omg how could someone invent a reason for kids to bring rubber bands to school. We weren't allowed to have them when I was young (back when the most exciting rubber bands you could get were the red, blue & green colored ones). I know some schools have banned them. I sure wish this school would. I don't know how many of the darn things I had to take away due to the kids shooting them across the classroom today. :(
Oh, I am such a ogre (no, the kids didn't say that; I just hate that it had to be done).

I think I owe the library like $30 for overdue fines. I accidentally lost a book under my bed for about 2 months. I might spring for a $1 Red Box rental. I plan to go to all 3 church services on Sunday -- and out for "drinks" afterward (all I can afford is a glass of water, but the restaurant owner said that's fine, so I'm going). I did try running. That was a bad plan. Aggravated my back pain like crazy. And I don't have insurance right now so I can't be doing dumb things like that. Plus it only got rid of my stress for 15 minutes. Then it was back with reinforcements! ;)

Man, I have never been like this. I get totally freaked out about anesthesia. I have a severe phobia of it. But somehow this seems much worse. I don't get panicky about sedation until a day or so before. Then I usually cause everything to go haywire -- start fainting, blood sugar crashes, blood pressure crashes, not good. But this just feels so much worse, even though I think I haven't actually made myself physically sick like with the phobia.

I left a message for my doctor to see if it's safe to take sleeping pills for a week to get me through the trial. I found out that the Lunesta manufacturer will actually give you 10 free pills a month for a year if you don't have any insurance. I know it's not ideal, but I need something at night to give me a break. I know from the past that the longer I go without sleep, the harder it gets to sleep. I turn psychotic & thing people are trying to kill me. It sucks. So I gotta get this under control somehow.

I don't think I can afford to see the counselor again this week, but I'm gonna try to save up to see her on Monday. She said I could pay her less for a while & I felt badly about that, but after I've thought about it some more I'm thinking maybe I could pay her less for now but then when I have more money I could always give her some or all of the difference. I don't know. I'm still struggling with it. So tough. Maybe if I can get a night or two of sleep I can think more clearly.

It's so cold here. Sometimes when I get stressed I head over to Lake Michigan & sit on the shore and take pictures or draw or pray or whatever and I pretend I am on the shores of a tropical island. But I think it's gonna be a high of 43 on Saturday, so I might not go. Maybe I can try to go over to the beach Friday after school & take some quick pictures to look at on Saturday. The Lake is not too far from the school. It's too far from my house to drive there just to take 15 minutes worth of photos & turn around.

oh man, I just really wish my little heart would slow down & stop pounding so hard. It needs to rest. I am trying...

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/3/2010 8:17 AM (GMT -6)   
Frances,
 
Thanks for your take on the silly bandz and I can see where they would be a huge distraction in class.  I had the mistaken picture of the kids trading them at lunch and recess.  Boy, I am getting old.  cool   I cannot remember what we brought to school when I was in grade school.  We had nuns for teachers so I suspect we did not bring much - Ooooohhhhh.
 
I can share one with you re the library.  I was behind a lady at the library one day when she returned books and the librarian's eye went wide as she looked at this lady and told her she owed $157.00 in overdo book fees.  This lady already had her check book in hand as she wrote the check without batting an eyelash. 
 
I hope you do see your counselor and no guilt re the reduced fee.  Remember what goes around comes around.  You are a good person and right now you need help and compassion and I know it will come back to your counseler many times over throughout her life.
 
Remember there are many good people in the world and it is in our nature to want to help each other in times of need.  This is your time so accept the support you need.
 
Great ideas for the weekend.  Do go out with your friends after church and enjoy being in good company. 
 
So you live in the Tundra region but a bit further north than I am.  I live in the Twin Cities in MN and I know all about the cold and bitter winter months.  I have been to the north shore of Lake Superior in a snowstorm and yes it is quite an experience. 
 
Wishing you a peaceful day and just keep on putting one foot in front of the other as we help you through this rough time.
 
Kindly,
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Taygeta
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 11/3/2010 9:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mingus,
 
Thanks for that information.
 
Now I'm not sure whether I experience panic or anxiety attacks or both.
 
I'm generally anxious overall, but much of the time the anxieties don't bother me.  I know they are there, but they don't seem overwhelming.
 
Then a major one will come on, usually without warning, and I feel nervous, out of control, lightheaded, unable to think correctly, and become overwhelmed with feelings of fear and dread.  Most often, these last from minutes to a few hours.  They also affect my physically (and or all of these might occur) heart racing, trembling, nauseated or pit in the stomach, inability to do simple things because my body is seized with nervousness - my body seems completely out of whack.  I've even thrown up on occasion.
 
What I don't have are feelings of faint or near death's door.  I also don't have anxiety attacks over irrational fears.  I have anxiety over real issues, but they are magnified greatly (so the fear level is irrational, not the fear itself).  I don't have these attacks when I'm doing things.  They generally occurr when I've too much time to think.

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 11/9/2010 9:25 AM (GMT -6)   
I have been trying so hard, but now ... of course ... the trial has been postponed. I am trying to be positive, but my lawyer from the insurance company is not exactly inspiring confidence. Hopefully with this delay he will be able to pull it together, but he just seems really confused right now.
Court is closed on Thursday, so that means this will drag on into next week. I'm losing a long-term temp assignment because of it. Though maybe that's for the best. I really want to get back into teaching. It's just hard since I won't get unemployment or anything for the days I have to go to court. So stressful. shakehead
I did go get some healthy food & my thyroid medicine. It will probably mean being short later in the month, but at least my heart is not pounding. Still not sleeping. :(

arrggghhh. when will this all be over?????

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42438
   Posted 11/9/2010 2:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Frances,

I am sorry that your trial has been postponed, nothing like a little extra anxiety. Hopefully it will be over soon. Just wanted to pop in and let you know that I am thinking about you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
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