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worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 11/2/2010 2:03 AM (GMT -6)   
I dont know how to explain how i feel but i am gonna try. i am about to snap or i feel like it. i get treated like crap at work. if you dont mind im gonna tell  you some so you know what i mean. my co manager will yell at me and tell me i need to hold it if i go to the bathroom, has told me i need to get my body on a schedule and has even started using a stopwatch to see how long i take(its rediculous. im sorry i take about a minute if i have to pee and that is to pee, wipe, and wash hands and maybe five minutes if i have to do the other)im sorry my bathroom habits are not his buisness. on saturday we had a lot of chicken come up and i said wow thats a lot of chicken and my general manager just looks at me and says "excuse me we have been doing so so amount hours so you are gonna need that ****ing chicken." im sorry that was just uncalled for for that one statement. i called off once because of a uti and i am now being told i am not a teamplayer and they keep comparing me and another manager who had one and still worked. well im not her, i am not going to work if i cant stay off of the toilet for more than five seconds. on sunday a friend texted my husband at 730 am a joke. well it woke me up and seeing that i closed and didnt get to bed to 3 am it was not a good thing and the fact hubby has sleep apnea doesnt help and if he wakes up he cant sleep and he doesnt sleep well to begin with. so that put hubby in a bad mood and we ended up arguing back and forth alot. so later in the day i texted her and explained to her nicely that i would appreciate if she didnt text until after 9 especially if its on hubbys phone because when i close he keeps the phone in t he room just in case of emergency. keep in mind this is the second time that i have told her this. so this morning i woke up to a message on facebook that she is deleting me and hubby as friends as she will not take being *****ed at like a child. what the heck i didnt do anything nor say anything wrong. 730 am is way to early to be texting. so i sent her a message stating that i didnt feel that my message warrented losing our friendship over as i said it nicely yet she continues to say that i was *****ing and that its no wonder i dont have friends the way i talk down to them. i dont i was being n ice about it. then she said that i talk about sex way to much, well when we did talk about it it was her bringing it up.
 
so i basically lost a friend over something stupid. im so tired of trying and failing. im tired of caring. i hate my job anymore and i cant focus on it as it is a big stress causer, im starting to hate my life and myself. the only good thing is my kid and hubby. i put on this brave face and smile but inside i feel as if i am dying inside. i think i am slightly bipolar as i cant focus easily, i yell when i shouldnt, i have mood swings where im happy one minute and sad and angry the next, i cant control my moods easily. i do good for awhile but the slightest stress brings them back, and i have a high sex drive(note i dont talk about it to friends). i dont have impulse control i am good at that i just cant control my moods. i do have a good friend but i dont have alot and i dont get out alot. i basically work, come home, cook dinner and go to bed and clean on my day off, help with homework and then i do it again. i dont get to go out with my friend because she is breastfeeding and cant leave for more than 3 hours because of that. i do go out everyonce in awhile with hubby but that is it.
 
i just sometimes wish i could just disappear and sometimes i think that everyone would be better off for it. i need a journal to write down my feelings but if hubby sees them then he wouldnt understand. im crying inside how do i stop?

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20282
   Posted 11/2/2010 5:28 AM (GMT -6)   
hey, WG. geez, i would not put up with the stuff you have
been going thru at work. put it in writing, stop-watch for the loo.........are they insane, this breaches OHS laws all-over the planet. i have had many uti's and had a uretheral stricture
done, still when i got to pee i go pee!! this bs about others coming in and working crook.......rubbish. this person is a comnplete and utter controlling nutt!! i would document everything and advise that you will take action if things do not get rectified. texting at that hour.............do it to her at 3am see how she likes it. sorry for the situation your in, don't take it. you deserve much better, esp as your doing your bit plus some. i know you have heaps on ya plate, bub, kids hubby
etc-thus i feel you need some time for you soon. hard whilst breast-feeding, but an hr in the bath with no intruptions sounds nice. know that i, we are here for you.
 
sending massive healings your way. sorry if i missed anything with your post, massive issues with focus at this time. bp-1 is very, very draining. jamie.
 
 
BI-POLAR-1, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 11/2/2010 9:38 AM (GMT -6)   
me and hubby will not divorce because of her, we have been through so much and a lot worse. he was grumpy because of the phone going off so early. unfortunately my gm will not believe what i say and human resources is a joke. he has had complaints on him before but from where some were false they do not take anything seriously anymore and i will just get treated worse. i am trying for the transfer but they will not give it to me. i do know if my gm (general manager) yells at me one more time i will be going off and telling her i am not a child. what i meant by disappearing is i feel like a failure and i just wonder sometimes if i am just screwing thier life up even more. i get so stressed at work sometimes that i snap and take it out on hubby and sometimes my lil girl and they dont deserve that. i do seriously think i am bipolar but not heavy duty. i just got some real good insurance so i am gonna make a doctors appointment and get tested for that and see if i can get on some mood stablizers. i cant focus, sometimes my thoughts run together and when i speak it comes out completely wrong. i am not happy, i take it back i am happy in my marriage and my child but i am not happy with my life. there are alot of stressors and i am looked to as the person who doesnt get depressed about it. well i am, i just cant show it because my lil girl needs me happy.

when i say i am going to work i will tell people that i am on my way to hell. sometimes it takes all i got to go to work especailly if my co manager is there. he says i am not performing my job but how can i when i get treated this way. i told him i dont feel like i am part of the team and i get treated differently then the other managers there. i get yellled at for service times yet i see others with crappy service times and i am the one being yelled at. sure my speed is higher then the others but they dont understand that when i get behind, like when a customer adds things on at the window, then i cant catch up. i have a hard time reading the screen sometimes and when i have a mid manager they are normally in the office or doing other things instead of up online. sometimes things arent stocked so i am not set up to win. i told him that my other shift is being treated like she is queen bee. he says it is because she is performing her duties but the stuff i get yelled at for is the same things other managers are doing too. i got in trouble for the bun freezer yet it was left for me yet i had to fix it and listen to how it should have been done. well it wasnt me who did it. everything falls on me and i cant take it no more.

i shouldnt complain there are others worse off then me but i dont know what else to do. i am gonna snap soon and i fear for them when i do. i cant take no more and people just dont understand.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 11/2/2010 9:40 AM (GMT -6)   
jamiee said...
hey, WG. geez, i would not put up with the stuff you have
been going thru at work. put it in writing, stop-watch for the loo.........are they insane, this breaches OHS laws all-over the planet. i have had many uti's and had a uretheral stricture
done, still when i got to pee i go pee!! this bs about others coming in and working crook.......rubbish. this person is a comnplete and utter controlling nutt!! i would document everything and advise that you will take action if things do not get rectified. texting at that hour.............do it to her at 3am see how she likes it. sorry for the situation your in, don't take it. you deserve much better, esp as your doing your bit plus some. i know you have heaps on ya plate, bub, kids hubby
etc-thus i feel you need some time for you soon. hard whilst breast-feeding, but an hr in the bath with no intruptions sounds nice. know that i, we are here for you.
 
sending massive healings your way. sorry if i missed anything with your post, massive issues with focus at this time. bp-1 is very, very draining. jamie.
 
 
 
i can understand jamie. i am sorry for what you are going through. i, too, think i am bipolar could be wrong but i think i am somewhat at least. i am not breastfeeding but my friend is so we cant go do things together. plus on my days off i am stuck having to go to meetings or working on my day off for a few hours. my housework has even suffered and hubby is starting to get angry for it.

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 11/2/2010 11:18 AM (GMT -6)   
it does help i appreciate it. im just wondering when i will get out of this pit im in. uggggggg i hate this.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 11/2/2010 11:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Worriedgirl,

Have you considered a mood stabilizer? I take abilify and it really helps a lot. It is also for bipolar. And other things.

I like what Jamie said about documenting everything. If you write something down that happened during your day and date it, it becomes a legal document. You might be able to take this place to court if it comes down to it. This isn't right. And it sounds like the manager is dumb enough to do all the wrong things. So write stuff down. Keep a work journal. I did and it got me 25,000.00 in the 80's. Also got me my unemployment in another job. So it is worth writing facts down. Especially when you got so much going on. You could probably print off your post and use that. That has a lot of information in it. Just protect yourself and keep track of everything.

Some things we learn to let roll off of our backs. I am sorry your man is in a bad way. But remember that is his problem. He owns that, not you. So don't let it get to you. Ignore a lot of it, that is what I have to do.

Keep posting and know that we all care.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 11/2/2010 11:53 AM (GMT -6)   
yes i was thinking a mood stablizer it could help. especially in my moods and the fact that i cant focus easily and i have memory issues as well. i can be told something and then swear up and down that i was never told. i just have to work up the courage to make the appointment and go. im kinda scared of what this means. if i am bipolar i am not severe so who am i to take meds when there are worse off but yet i need the help.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 11/2/2010 12:51 PM (GMT -6)   
You need help just as much as the next person. Maybe it wont take as much meds, but it sounds like you need them none the less. Know that we understand and wish the best for you. Now go ahead and make that appointment knowing that you are just as important as anybody else. Keep on keeping on.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20282
   Posted 11/2/2010 4:56 PM (GMT -6)   
i too am looking at going back on abilify. hopefully the shrink recommends it. if not i will putit on the table. hang in there WG. check out the black dog institute and do the bi-polar self-test. it helps. and you can print it off. get your lithuim levels checked as well. lower levels, than the norm are a precusor to being competently diagnosed. here for ya. take care, jamie.
BI-POLAR-1, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 11/2/2010 7:47 PM (GMT -6)   
WG,
Have you thought about reporting him about creating a "hostile work enviroment"? Might just be something to keep in mind.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders: All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.
I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20282
   Posted 11/3/2010 5:01 AM (GMT -6)   
exactly, mmmnavy. and how are you doing? well i hope.
take care of you. with compassion, jamie.
BI-POLAR-1, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 11/3/2010 5:19 PM (GMT -6)   
so i talked to the co manager about how i been feeling and he told me he is trying to learn to celebrate the small wins and not expect me to be perfect and was actaully nice today but i know him and this will be only temporary. i told him he hasnt been helping with my feelings and how i been feeling depressed and that i am not happy. i dont know, today was a good day and i actually had fun at work, for the first time in a long time. we ran great service and it went so smoothly today. i needed today to be good. i made an appointment with my doctor to talk about my feelings and how i been so stressed out and my mood swings have been through the last couple weeks. please be with me as i need support for this and i am kinda scared on how this will play out. i still have problems focusing and im trying to get better at it, though today was a good day. my general manager snapped once at me but i did say something stupid but for the most part she did treat me as part of the team.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 11/3/2010 7:11 PM (GMT -6)   
I am gald that your work environment has changed. Do you think it is because you spoke up to the gm? I hope it stays good for you. It is hard to work a job if you aren't happy with it. Or if somebody is treating you unfairly. Good luck with things staying good.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 11/3/2010 10:21 PM (GMT -6)   
it has improved one day, does not mean it will for long. had a good corporate visit which means they extra happy, next week it will be back to normal i just know it. i dont even know if he is still timing me going to the bathroom yet, which i find degrading. i just felt blue since i got home, everything everyone says is rubbing me wrong. i dont understand the feeling, im normally upbeat and yet no one notices because i put on a good front, when i sigh and hubby asks whats wrong i tell him nothing, yet i am not feeling all that great and no reason for it. my manager did say she thought i was a hypochondriac. if i was i would always be at the doctors yet hubby has accused me before, hence why i dont talk about the way i feel because i dont want to be called that. i know he jokes about it, and yes some things i harp on but i am not a hypochondriac. some days i am happy and that is normally on a sunday, mainly because i am with him and kid all day long, but on the other days i am not always happy.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20282
   Posted 11/4/2010 3:46 AM (GMT -6)   
sweetie, you need to be straight up with ya dr. let he/she know what is really happening. don't be afraid to express yourself fully, it helps them actually help you better. keep being brave, jamie.
BI-POLAR-1, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 11/4/2010 5:11 PM (GMT -6)   
today i was off work and i cleaned my computer room and it took a lot out of me. granted i didnt go to bed to almost one and was up at 730 but it did take a lot out of me. i have to cook dinner and im not feeling up to it. i have decided starting tonight to keep a journal and write my feelings and hope hubby doesnt read it. i will have to hide it. im wondering if it is just because i am in my 30s(32) and if it is a midlife depression or am i just being stupid. maybe i am imagining how i am feeling or maybe i am making it up and making myself feel this way. i smile, do depressed people smile? i am not always sad, i have my good days and i have not stopped doing things that i have loved doing i just feel down, feel pressure and not always happy. i have given up on my job(i have to get past that and get back into it no matter how bad i am treated) i told hubby that i give up on my job and he was like so you are doing with your job what you did with our marriage. i never gave up on our marriage but he felt like i did so i guess maybe that is a symptom. can you give up on something and not know it? yes my marriage is better but i been slipping back to snapping at him when i shouldnt. i think that is why i think i am bipolar.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.
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