....I felt trapped in an unending downward spiral. Again and again I would be spun toward the bottom, attempt to climb to the top, hang on to the sides for a while, but always, in the end, I'm standing on rock bottom, exhausted and, of course, depressed.
I hate myself for posting on here. I'm sorry that I'm taking up your time if you are reading this; everyone else's problems are probably a lot more serious than mine. I'm just really sad and I can't get any homework done.
I'm pretty sure that this college that I ignorantly picked is the wrong one for me. It's sooo small, and it's just like my hometown and it's driving me crazy. I can't stand the people here, or really anything about the town! Ugh. Almost a semester in and still hating college. I was so dumb for thinking that this was going to be better than before- apparently the lack of sleep has brought back the depression a little. And the cold weather. And the neverending stress/fears of failure/impending doom that is always lurking over my shoulder.
Maybe there just isn't a place for me. Maybe I just don't really belong to this world. Maybe I'll be alone the rest of my life- though that would be preferable to having all this stress and having my parents freak out if I even mention that my depression is back. People just don't get it, do they? Their always thinking you can just "snap out of it." And I'm sorry, but medicine just hasn't helped me. The bliss that I feel when I'm on antidepressants is just to... Unnatural (yes, I'm still taking antidepressants, though). I don't want to feel happy all the time. But I don't like feeling sad all of the time.. It's just more comfortable than feeling happy I guess.
Okay, this is long.. And I'm super tired. I guess I should probably go to bed. :( No one needs to comment on this, either. It's just a little blog-ish type entry I guess.