I need help to want to live again...
I am 16, and i have been extremely depressed for 4 years now. I feel like nothing in my life is going right.
I have no friends, and it really takes it's toll on me sometimes. I am trying to accept things for how they are, but accepting it makes me feel worse. I used to have aspirations, but now i don't have enough energy to do anything. i have no desire to try anything. i am sad all the time.
i am too young to have to fake my smile everyday. faking my happiness is making me feel even more depressed. Sleeping is the only thing that makes me happy. Because then my subconsious takes over and im not left alone with my own thoughts.
I have no where else to turn to. I cant talk to my parents, because i would never want them to know how i feel.
When high school started, and i didnt make any friends, i started to have my lunches alone in the school library. but after grades 8, and 9, i could do it anymore. i left public school to begin home schooling, but i haven't done anything school-wise. i just don't see the point. I dont want to do this anymore. I'm out of options. I know this may seem trivial, but my life Isn't even close to what I have wanted for myself. It seems that in this day and age you should already have your future mapped out. The only thing i have ever wanted to be, was a singer. but i dont have the confidence to persue it. It's the only thing that im good at, but it is the hardest thing to break into.
I have a job that I hate.
just don't see the point of my living my life purely for my family's sake.
i dont know if anyone will ever read this, or if i'm posting this right, but it feels better to vent.