Being that i have felt worse this past week than i have in months, and i have been posting whatever thoughts have been coming my way about being horribly depressed, i want to thank all who have replied. your thoughts, concerns, and suggestions have helped me over the hurdle i've been unable to get over for much too long.
that i came across HW must be for a reason because i don't think i would have made this decision without beinig here.
i've passed my fear level of ADs, realized i cannot continue the way i am going because it is destroying my life and those i love, so i have stepped forward, and i am working toward seeing a psychiatrist. my psychologist has one she works with, and they are even on my insurance plan. i'm determined now to get in to see either this pyschiatrist or one of several others recommended through concern, and i'm not going to stray from that path.
i'm looking forward to a real medical evaluation to find out what's not right with me (that's never been done), and i am hopeful something can be prescribed for me based on my previous cymbalta experience. i know the path ahead is still long and fraught with dead ends and difficulties, but somewhere in there is the way that leads out of my maze of confusion and despair - and i am going to find it.
i cannot express enough gratitude to everyone here for your concern and caring and advice.