This is my first post. I think I have depression and anxiety although I have never been diagnosed. Somtimes I have a very upbeat personality so no one realizes that I have it. Sometimes I stay in bed all day and watch movies, sometimes the same movie over and over again. Depression does run in my family, My mother is depressed after the suicide of her brother. She is on Prozac and some other medications. I usually avoid talks like this. I don't want to be like my mother. I don't like to think that because it runs in the family that I will get it. Sometimes it's hard for me to do everyday things such as going to the library. I will drive there and see the building and I'll get nervous and have to re-drive and calm myself to go in. Sometimes I don't go in because i'm afraid of the libarians, I am nervous to talk to them which I know is silly because they are very nice.
I work in an enviroment that is very stressful to me and my co-workers. I often call out once a month because I have a bad feeling about the day. I sometimes have dreams that the building will be attacked by a shooter. The building does have security and you do need a code to get in. One time I overheard a co-worker say that she is afraid a former employee will come back and kill everyone, I was amazed that she had the same feeling and did not like that we both maybe have a premonition about something like that happening. It is had for me to have a job where I have to interact with people. When I was younger I worked at a Donut shop and the regulars, mostly nice, would terrify me. I thought that they were obsessed with me and would follow me home.
It may seem that I am very closeted with my interactions but I usually do things that other people would be afraid of doing. I have no problem going to a concert by myself and meeting people there or in the classroom, I am usually the life of the room. Everday is a struggle, sometimes I have a week where I am fine other times the daily errands cripple me, like going to the supermarket.
That's it for now.