I didn't mean for that to rhyme, but so it did. Anyway, sorry for posting another "help me!" thread but I've been trying to find a decent site for this kind of thing now and my patience/energy is wearing thin.
So, I'm a 21 year old male and my name is Torrey. The past 2-3 years of my life have been so bleak it almost doesn't seem real, and as time passes it gets worse. At this point I feel like curling up into a ball and just "going away". The story goes like this- My Senior year of high school (07'-08) I began to experience periods of extreme fatigue. Like I never really woke up but it would last throughout the day. I was never really an ambitious student with anything other than music, but I slacked off even more and ended up not graduating. I hung around doing pretty much nothing and just enjoy having a reeeeally long "summer vacation", meaning didn't go to school the following year all the while procrastinating about
get back in to it somehow.
The strange feelings of fatigue grew worse and remain today. I honestly have not felt "normal" in over two years. I wake up feeling generally terrible, but then may have 30 minutes or so of some happiness while I drink some morning tea or coffee. The rest of the day is a wash. Not happy, tired, negative feelings and attitude, no motivation ect. Any kind of stressful situation exacerbates these feelings, when in public almost to the point where I can't function, everything is too overwhelming and I can't take it. Like I said, I feel like crawling into a ball. That being said I can't work. I mean I could, but in the same sense that a handicapped person could make it up a two mile hill in a wheelchair only the extreme pain and challenge would be mental rather than physical. I get very anxious around people and in public, which is the situation for most jobs. I have very little self confidence and freeze when someone I don't don't know well talks to me. I can't connect with anyone which sucks too, I'm pretty lonely. Girlfriend problems too but I'll spare you that one.
The dilemma is that I don't have any health care so I can't see and doctor and get better. I've tried going through the state service (DSHS) but they don't think my situation is bad enough for there help. I have no hope and the days are passing faster than ever. I'm in the prime of my life and I'm sitting around feeling terrible and no accomplishing anything. The stresses of that only make it worse. I've considered and there's nothing more that I'd like than to just not be alive any more but I wouldn't be able to go through with it and I'd hate put the few people who care for me go through the grief.
Also my train of thought and focus is pretty much trash ( the fatigue ect) so this is probably pretty poorly written and explained. None the less thanks for reading and if anyone can help or point me in the direction to getting there it would be greatly appreciated.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 11/9/2010 8:10:39 AM (GMT-7)