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AquaButterfly
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/12/2010 12:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Ugh, my husband has been giving me the cold shoulder for over two weeks, and I am very stressed out. He is not the great communicator, so over 12 years this has happened as a pattern and it is nearly impossible for me to get him to tell me the "real" reason he is upset. It gets me in a bundle of nerves and I try to do things to occupy my mind, but nothing makes me feel better. Any suggestions?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 11/12/2010 1:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Aquabutterfly,

I like your name. Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. I am sorry that your husband is giving you the cold shoulder. But remember, this is his problem, not yours. You can let him know that you know something is amiss and that you are there for him. But try to live your life as you usually would. Know that he has something on his mind, but it is up to him to talk about it. Like I say, let him know that the lines of communication are open on your end. I hope that this helps some. Remember he owns his problems, not you. You have enough of your own I am sure. We all do.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

AquaButterfly
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/12/2010 1:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, I needed that advice today. I always feel I do something (usually I do) but I get the silent treatment for a couple of weeks. I've been trying to answer and talk on the phone with a smile. I have heard that can make you into a better mood.

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 11/13/2010 10:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes, smiling and talking to others is therapeutic. Some people like the saying fake it till you make it. But you can take some action if you so chose.
While it IS his problem, giving you the cold shoulder is not helping him solve it. Its not fair. You could tell him calmly that you don't know what's bothering him, but feel lonely, miss him. and think this way of behaving on his part is not good for the marriage.
Try not to feel so fearful. I have often felt that way to as my parents were cold shoulder folks, and altho the problem was between them, we all suffered. And us kids always thought that it was our fault, walked around on eggshells, and held ourselves responsible for not "helping". Cuz we never found out what the BIG problem was. Is this a repeat of how you grew up too?
You cannot read his mind or help him. And don't think it is you. Its actually a very childish way for him to behave and treat you.
You could suggest marriage counselling, or get counselling for yourself. You need someone understanding and knowledgeable to help you cope with him.
Hope something here helps.
Sandy
BP II
Severe depression

"Do something everyday to make tomorrow better."

"One good change creates another."
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