Hi, new here, and hoping to get some help or advice. I'll try not to make this too long.
I've had a lot of bad, volatile relationships -- romantic and friendships -- and while I've never gotten over being hurt, I moved on. Now though, just in the past few months, I can't stop thinking about the people who have hurt me. I think so much about it that I become enraged. Sometimes I even imagine myself confronting those people and laying into them, and I even tried contacting a couple of them, which didn't go over well. I feel angry all the time, but the past is what makes me the angriest, things that I did wrong or were done wrong to me, and I'm angry that I can't change them or tell people how much they have hurt me. I'll even hear from a friend or anyone really, who tells me about someone who upset them, and then *I* get angry about this thing that didn't even happen to me. Not in a "I care about my friend" kind of way, but in the way where I start thinking about *I* would have done in that situation and how I would never forgive that person or let them forget it. I hate feeling this way. It depresses me to the point of tears.
A lot of changes happened to me around the same time last month. I came off of Effexor (gradually), I started exercising and losing weight (17 pounds so far), and my birth control method went from the patch to the pill. I don't know if it's birth control hormones making me feel so angry, or if it's the Effexor withdrawals (which is an awful drug), but I feel that it's just me. I fly off the handle all the time and no one is even comfortable talking to me anymore because I get so defensive and enraged about everything. I feel like The Incredible Hulk -- no one likes me when I'm angry. I don't keep friends for long, and the only one I have is my boyfriend, because everyone else just pisses me off too much.
I'm on 150 mg of Lamictal, but it's doing nothing for me. I really just want someone to talk to. I don't want to be pumped full of drugs anymore. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of rage? What did you do to stop all those negative thoughts? Any help or advice is so much appreciated.