Help!!! I think my marriage is falling apart!!!

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pain&lovestruck
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 11/19/2010 8:07 AM (GMT -6)   
I need help to try to save my marriage. To try to make a long story short, my husband and I have been together for 2 years. Coming into the marriage I have 3 kids from a previous marriage and he has 2 rotwellers with a combing weight of 280 pounds. Shortly after getting together we became homeless (its hard to find a rental that will accept these 2 large dogs). We went to live in a tent and my kids had to go live with their dad. For 2 years I worked 60-8. hours a week trying to make ends meet. My ex husband stopped all communication with my kids, and my husband stayed home with the dogs because he has some kind of obsession with them, and will not let them stay home alone. I started court proceedings to get back into my kids' lives. My husband started working because he said he was getting depressed staying home. Now I have to stay home with the dogs and am supposed to get my kids every other weekend while my husband works full time. My husbands entire personality has now changed. There has been weekends I wasnt allowed to go get my kids because he wouldnt let me use the car. He says he cant stand the way my kids act, and whe they are here hes mean hatefull and leaves for the biggest part of the weekend. He has never laid down with me and rubbed me or acted really affectionate. Obviously at one point he treated me good or we wouldnt have gotten married. When it comes to his dogs though he is a differnt person. He allows them to control our lives. He shows them the kind of love I would die to get from him.Even though his job doesnt pay all the bills, he wont let me go to work because he wont let the dogs stay home alone. When they misbehave (ie: pooping in the house) he will not correct them but instead baby them sayin hes sorry that I didnt take them out r(ght away, then he will be mean to me for the rest of the night. Im getting to where I cant stand these dogs because of the way my husband acts. He will TELL ME THAT Im fat and he hates me, then hours later he will tell me he was only joking. sad sad

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 11/19/2010 8:23 AM (GMT -6)   
It sounds like your husband has some issues. Especially with the dogs. That is no excuse for you not to be able to go out and get a job if that is what you want to do. He sounds controlling, do you want to deal with this the rest of your life is the question... Maybe seeing a counselor would help you to deal with this. It would help you set some boundaries and get you to be a little more assertive about what you want and need.

I am sorry that he doesn't appreciate your children. I hope that this changes. They can sense this and that is not good. Keep showing them lots of love to make up for the lack of his compassion.

I would seriously speak to a counselor. You will know better where you stand in this relationship. I hope that things get better for you soon. Keep posting and let us nkow how you are doing. Take care...

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Lululiya
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 11/19/2010 8:24 AM (GMT -6)   
I have no experience with marriage at all, and your situation seems very difficult. :( It's hard enough merging two families together, but when one half of the relationship is so resistant it makes things so much worse. Clearly, it's not right for him to obsess over his dogs like this - Even you recognize it. Maybe it's just me, but dogs are not important enough to make him stay home while you are busting your butt trying to make ends meet, nor are they important enough to force you to stay at home against your will because he decided he was bored staying at home! I'm so angry for you right now!

Have you tried talking to him about it? By the sounds of it, it would be pretty hard to do and he would put up a big fight. But you have to stand up for yourself, you deserve better than what you're dealing with. You have more important things in your life going on (such as your kids and financial situation) than two dogs, and he needs to realize that.

Like Karen said, maybe seeing a therapist will help you with this. You can vent and explain your situation and get a professional outside perspective.

I'm sorry I can't be more help :( But I feel for you, I do. That's such a rough situation to be in and you deserve much better. I'm sure somebody will be along who can be of more help, but I just wanted you to know that you're absolutely in the right (which you know already) and that you can do much better than what you're putting up with! You've got more patience and strength than anybody I know!
“The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings - words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out.”

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 11/19/2010 9:38 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm so sorry your in this type of situation.
wish I knew what to tell you.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Healing HUGz))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Prayers for you
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stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/19/2010 9:59 AM (GMT -6)   

Pain&lovestruck,

There is nothing wrong with loving a pet, but when a pet interferes with a family, then a compromise should be made. You should never abuse or neglect an animal that you have chosen to be responsible for, but if you choose to be married and have stepchildren, then that family MUST be put first. When your husband puts his dogs before your children and your family life , it is time to for you to consider his  emotional stability.

I agree with seeing a therapist for yourself as your husband is ruling your life right now and IMHO that is not right.  Losing your home, giving up your children and living in a tent because your husband puts his dogs first is truly a control issue.

I wish you peace,

Kitt


~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"
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