You are not a failure. Asking for help is a big step to take. Parents sometimes only want to see the good in their kids. Maybe she wasn't just laughing it off, like you feel, but it made her nervous as it does alot of people when talking about depression. I don't know how old you are or if you would be able to go to the dr. on your own but that would be a good place to start. If you aren't able to go without a parent, tell them you need a checkup and while at the dr.'s office explain to the dr. what you are feeling. If you can't make it to the dr. call the hotline again but this time take the big step of talking to the person on the other end. Remember the hotline is anonymous so you can tell them anything without fear of being judged. They are there to help when you don't know where else to turn. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.