Welcome to the depression forum. You are among people who understand here. It is hard going day in and day out pretending like you are happy when you are not. Depression really stinks, doesn't it?
Everybody here has gone through the same thing as you. We have a way of trying to pick eachother up so that we don't all feel so alone. I am sure that you are feeling alone too.
There are a few things that you talked about that I don't understand. Did your boyfriend use to abuse you? Why were the cops there? Do you want to talk about it? If not, I understand. But talking does help.
Maybe you don't have the right counselor. They aren't always a good fit and to be truthful, they aren't always good. There are bad therapists. Maybe you should try a different one. Or let your therrapist know that you don't think it is helping and he/she can try a different approach.
I hope that you feel better soon, and I hope that you continue to post. Keep trying. Keep smiling. Even if you are sad inside. It is nice to smile and act happy. People really do respond to that. And eventually it comes natural. This will work out for you and you will feel better.
PS I had to edit your post as we are not to discuss suicide or self harm.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies