Need suggestion to make my son realize and act

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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/3/2010 12:58 AM (GMT -6)   
My 19 year old son is in first year college. He is not showing interest in either studies or other activities. Most of the time he hangout with friends one after other all day. He was kicked out of one college and dorm after first year due to poor academic record. Next year joined in community college near home but stopped going to classes. Meanwhile he started trying drugs. Does not show interest in any material or activity. Not interested in getting a job either. It is very hard and frustrating for me and the mom to make him do anything at home. Most of the time we are not in good mood at all at home as there is always issue around him. Now he is depressed as his other friends are doing well in college and he is left behind. When asked, he agrees that he has to focus on studies and says he will do good next time but no action.

I am very worried and considering sending him to a Vocational Institute or a residential school for a year away from home. There is one called Pillars of Hope in Costa Rica.

Would like to here if you have any experience like this , what did you do and did it help your kid.

Thank you for taking time to read my concern.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 12/3/2010 4:32 AM (GMT -6)   
what does he want to do? sounds like he needs to be stimulated.......not drugs i mean.
i think a deep and meaningful is warranted. no, would want to be with my family. maybe some goal setting and reward based interventions are needed. sounds like he needs
some remedial-mentoring assistance. big bro, etc. i don't think sending him away is the answer. i do not know the full situatioin, thus i am responding with what i feel may help.

sending healing compassion, jamie, male 38. and yes i was a very troubled teen.



getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 12/3/2010 9:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there and welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum.

I am sorry about you situation with your son. This is a hard time for kids his age. So much peer pressure to do drugs and other things. I hope that he takes this seriously. But it is hard as a parent watching your child go down the wrong path. All you can really do is try to support him and hope he takes school seriously this time. If he blows it, he does. He will have to try to find a job somewhere and they are scarse(sp). You can't make him do things if he doesn't want to. But you can make him move out if that is what you want. But where will he go?

Has he talked to a school counselor? That might help him to find what it is that he wants to do in life. Some of us are clueless. I was. Didn't get far in college. Too much socialization on my part. Having too much fun. Blew it off. Blew off a scholarship. My art teacher was so disappointed in me. I don't blame her. Was too afraid to go to a university. I don't have any regrets, but wonder sometimes how it would have panned out.

I hope that you can get him to understand how important an education is these days. Wishing you the best. I know I am not much help here. Somebody soon will come along with better advice I hope.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/3/2010 1:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Jamiee/Karen
Thanks for the quick response. your responses give me some hope that my son will be ok after some time.

We have been setting goals with awards for several years. It did not attract him at all. We could not figure out what he is interest in.
When we try to make him understand how important his education is, he agrees his issues and clearly says what to do to fix it. But NO ACTION at all. He did speak to school counselor and private parapsychologist 4 -5 times. They say that he knows the situation very well but he needs to act on it.

I was checking with people around us to hire a mentor/secretary either to live with our son or visit him daily but no success yet finding that person. Mom is very determined to send him to a private boarding facility where outside access is restricted for a year at least. I am still not clear on whether it will be a positive or negative impact on him!

Thanks Again

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/3/2010 2:56 PM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry to hear of your worries and as a Mother of 4,  I have been down this road but so far good luck with my boys that went to college. 
Right now my granddaughter is in her second year of college.  She enjoyed her first year a little to much and her Mom worried about how she hung out with friends,  slept in late or laid around watching TV all day or when she was not in class.  She thinks she wants to major in Business Management. 
Our own son went off to college to be a architect and the middle of his first year he changed his mind,  told us he never wanted to be an architect -  wow,  that was all he talked about in highschool.  He went on to obtain a degree in Business Management and has done excellent in the work field.
It feels to me like your son fell into what so many young people do when they suddenly have so much freedom. Partying, peer pressure and just doing whatever they feel like.  This behavior is extremely difficult to turn around and to make " uncool".
I would, perhaps, not try to send him to any school right now until you can help him sort out his problems with drugs and explore the reason why he is not interested in anything.  Do you have access to a good therapist and Drs. for him ?
My own husband went to one semester of college but only because his parents wanted him to - he majored in alcholol and playing pool (billards).  mad   He quit school and joined the Navy where he was much happier and did 100% better.
I understand you concern and please know we are here for you and that we care.
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Sasta Anois
Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 12/3/2010 4:24 PM (GMT -6)   

I'm sorry to hear of your struggle with him. You sound like a very loving mom. After too much partying my freshman year, my grades wouldn't allow me to keep my scholarship. My loving mom refused (rightly) to pick up what the scholarship would have for the next year. I didn't realize until being on my own and having to come up with that myself how important my eductation was and am proud to say I put myself through school. Had Mother kept paying, I doubt that would have been the case. This was however, before my depression became severe/chronic. When it began, I started enjoy and be less interested in things and really thought at first it was just due to getting older. That being said, perhaps he does need help, as Kitt said to "explore the reason why he is not interested in anything."
I do not envy parents, my dearly loved folks included, who have to try and figure out is it medical help that is needed or maybe a big dose of tough love. At different times I've gotten both, luckily when I needed them and am thankful my parents were there for me. Much luck and care to you as you navigate this path.

Be well,
Sasta Anois
Sometimes a day is too much to take at one time so instead of telling myself "Have a great day!", I say "When you can dahlin, have a happy now." I wish us all more happy nows.
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