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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 12/3/2010 11:00 PM (GMT -6)   
So I am a student, first year, at a university. Only 18. I suffer from severe anxiety because my ex wanted to kill me and stalked me for 3 years leaving murder notes on my car, slashing my tires, sending me books written in his own blood telling me how much he loved me. He told me for every text left unanswered he would make a cut.  On top of that I have a really low self-esteem and trust issues from being raped when I was 4 years old for about 2 years while my sister watched. Now I can't concentrate anymore on school, I am unable to focus and I feel empty. Recently I was caught for shoplifting to add to the drama in life and now my boyfriend (er, ex?) is moving out of our apartment. I will have to live alone in a huge city even though I'm a country girl.  Sort of the end of my world kinda thing, but obviously that didn't work out- I'm still here! Its that time of year again.... Now I keep having bad thoughts and after all the money I put into school I haven't gone to class in 3 weeks and am afraid to go back. I feel like a disappointment, shameful of myself. I'm embarrassed to go back. I feel like a failure. I gave up, caved into the stress and started hiding in my bed again. Where nobody can hear me cry.

So now I'm in this hole, knee deep. How do I start to climb out?
I am sorry for the edit, but we are not to discuss suicide or self harm.  I hope that you do get counseling and get your life back on track.  Hugs, Karen...

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 12/4/2010 8:27:09 AM (GMT-7)

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 12/4/2010 8:37 AM (GMT -6)   
No mention of counseling in your message. You are due. Sorry about your suicide feelings. We have all been there. for me ultimately it was lack of nerve. Guess that can be a good thing sometimes. Seems like your depression is keeping you from making good decisions. It does that to me all the time. You could have stopped your ex with evidence of his harrassment with a restraining order.

Climb out of the hole by maybe attending a NAMI meeting and talking to others who have been there and what they did as far as seeking professional help. These people will also help with there personal coping strategies.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/4/2010 12:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Bluemoods,
I am sorry you are feeling down and afraid.  I did edit your post in Anxiety as it was a duplicate of this post.  I noticed you did have some advice in that forum so please do read the comments left by the members.
I agree with counseling as it has really helped me learn how to deal with my feelings.  Also reach out to friends who are a positive influence in your life. 
I made a promise to myself to never hide out in my bed no matter how depressed I felt.  So each day I always get out the bed and perhaps I may lay down on the couch and try to read but I make every attempt to get up, brush my hair, brush my teeth and move about the house.
Stay safe and know we care.
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.

"If you can't change the world, change your world"
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