Badly in need for help...

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Samster1983
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/6/2010 4:57 AM (GMT -6)   
hello everyone..

a bit about me.. im Indian, 5th year grad student, based in a very remote, cold and depressing place in west Virginia... trying to hang in there and complete it.. financially strong enough to support myself... struggled a lot to lift myself back from ADD and from two failed relationships.. it took long... All my friends here have graduated and I am lonely and depressed most of the time... my parents are orthodox Indians, forcing me to get married soon... i have never been a fan of arranged marriages.. I have never had fun growing up... i was sent to boarding school when i was five - in the name of proper 'education'... pulled out at 10, because my parents suffered huge loss in business and couldn't afford such high tuition anymore... went back to boarding again, when they could afford.. basically i have been here and there through my schooling, not long enough at one place to make good friends... had to even support my parents financially for a couple of years, when they were in trouble.. long story short.. i feel, i have been always suffocated with responsibilities ever since i was born... and noway ready to take up more responsibilities... Now they are well established, so they feel like it is their duty to help me get settled in life.. they have already got everything set for my marriage in a couple of months... the girl is all prepped up and thinks i am her dream guy... and she is all about me.. if i say no, I would break her and everyone's heart... basically, i would be outcast... now that most my friends are gone, all i have is my parents...

I hate to say this, but I am a wimp at all times... I cant handle pressure, I yield to them... I have been there before, tried to get out of a similar situation... to result in my parents, my relatives everyone keep calling me 24x7... I just cant handle that...and so i gave in.. now, I am unable to concentrate on my work... worried about the situation i have put myself in... sometimes, i feel like i could just pretend to be dead to everyone...

It would be great, if you could have a few suggestions to help me get my focus and attention back to work... that is what i need at this moment... I want to graduate fast and get out of this depressing place...

Samster1983
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/6/2010 7:05 AM (GMT -6)   
I am really going crazy, feels like my head is about to burst... someone please do reply... I greatly appreciate this.. I am new to this website, if I am missing something - like permitting others to post replies.. please let me know... Thanks everyone for your time...

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42299
   Posted 12/6/2010 8:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there friend,

Welcome to the Depression forum. I am sorry that you are going though this. I understand that it is a tradition in your family. It is a hard call. All I can tell you is focus on school right now. That is most important at the moment. Get your education. You may like or even love this girl. I don't believe in arranged marraiges, but if it is tradition in your culture, what can you do. Just focus on your studies for now.

Have you tried talking to your parents about this? Or a counselor? I don't know what you can do to get out of it. I just don't understand your traditions. I know that you don't feel ready to marry this girl. I really simpathize with you hon. This has to be hard. Hopefully more will come along with some ideas for you.

But study and worry about school right now. Hopefully everything else will come into place. It sounds like you have a lot of responsibility right now. do what is right for you my friend.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Samster1983
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/6/2010 9:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you very much Karen. I tried, My parents are not even paying attention to what I am saying. They just keep repeating everything would be fine.

What makes this worse is the fact that the girl who helped me get out of one of the relationships and face my ADD (diagonized recently), is heart-broken by the fact that I am not able to be with her. She even cried. I am currently feeling, she could have been a better person to be with. At least, I know her. This makes me feel terrible and weak. I feel like a terrible person as well.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42299
   Posted 12/6/2010 9:33 AM (GMT -6)   
You are not a terrible person,

You just have the culture to deal with. I dont' know what to tell you there. I don't know what would happen if you didn't marry this girl, or if you expressed your feelings for another. In my opinion, it isn't right. But that is just my opinion. I feel you should be with the one that you love and get along with. Is there somebody you could talk to about this? An elder perhaps? But they would be probably strongly agree with tradition. Keep studying. Work on school. That is the best thing that you got going for you right now. I think that the rest would fall into place for you. I hope...

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Samster1983
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/6/2010 12:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Karen.. You are right.. I should find my way back to work and keep hoping things fall into place, like you mentioned... I don't think I have much of a choice here...

PsychologyNarcissist
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 12/8/2010 3:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry Samster, but youre wrong. You do have a choice, you always do. I completely understand respect for your family, respect for your your culture, and traditions but sometimes just because they've been doing it for years it doesnt make it right (Take slavery for example). Explain to your parents how you feel, if they dont want to listen then you shouldnt listen to them either, you respect them and they need to respect you as well. As for the arranged marriage I can see how you would be afraid of hurting the poor girl's feelings, but if you ask me it would hurt her feelings much more to be in a loveless marriage. All in all id say you should follow your heart and do what YOU think is right.


Good luck

-The Narcissist
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