How do you let this go? This is soooo long. Thank you for any answers.

Am I wrong or is she?
She is - 0.0%
You are - 0.0%
Just let it go, you're better than her - 0.0%
Take it as a lesson learned - 33.3%
Leave the boyfriend - 66.7%
Get pregnant again - 0.0%

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Im so lost.
New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/8/2010 12:59 PM (GMT -6)   
On February 25th, 2009 I started dating my current boyfriend. Him and his mom shared a two story house. The top part was hers and the bottom part they called it his apartment. He wanted me to stay with him every night, and since i was so smitten with him I agreed. We've barely spent a night apart since. Well, on August 2nd of 2009 I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant. He flipped out saying he didn't want kids and that if I didn't have an abortion we were done. I called my step mom up in Illinois and told her what was going on and what my boyfriend said. She talked with my dad and they said that they'd send me a plane ticket to come up there and live with them and they'd help me raise the child. I agreed to do that and when I told my boyfriend he flipped out and got in his car and drove off. I was grabbing my stuff out of his house and I was grabbing the last bit when he came back and just hugged me, then we went inside and talked. He told me that he wasn't going to let a child of his grow up without a dad and he wanted me to stay with him here in Florida. Well, we started breaking the news to people. Everyone except our moms. He told his mom about 4 days later and she flipped out. She called me a ***** and a selfish, naive *****. She told me that I just needed to go to Illinois and have the baby since I wouldn't have an abortion. I was scared to death (just like everyone is) when they find out they're pregnant. I hadn't told my mom yet, so his mom took it upon herself to tell her and to try to cause problems between me and my mom. Since their house, his car, his boat, and everything was in her name she decided she was going to sell everything to make things harder on us. I felt like he worked so hard for everything he had, that it wasn't fair for me to take it from him by keeping that child. So I aborted on August 10, 2009. Knowing how my family felt about abortion and how I feel about abortion I knew that it was going to change me, and not for the better. I waited 4 weeks to tell my family that I was no longer pregnant and when I did they all disowned me. When I aborted, they gave me a 1 month sample of birth control and I was gonna get more when I went back for my check up. I didn't want to go back to that place, so I just never did. His mom found out I was no longer on birth control and she flipped out again. Saying I was selfish and stupid. She made me leave the house for a few days and she told all of her friends how 'stupid' i was being. What she didn't know, was that I was going to my local health department in the next month or so to get on a different kind of birth control. about a month later, we closed on our house and were getting ready to move in (yes, she sold it all anyway). On November 25th, we moved in and everything was great. Until she closed on her house on December 2nd. She then moved in with us and continued to cause problems. My mom was over and we were talking and hanging out and his mom walked in and started talking crap to me and my mom and once again calling me a b*tch and saying how stupid I was. She said i would never make it through college and I wouldn't be able to keep a job. Finally, my boyfriend intervened and told her to relax because I was working full time, getting ready to start school, and I was on birth control. I had done everything she asked me to do, yet she was still running her mouth. She stayed throughout the holiday then left for about a month. While all of this is going on, I've got MY step mom telling me how I'm such a horrible person for murdering my baby. Anyway, things stayed calm until about mid February when she decided she was gonna go into rehab for her drinking problems. Well, she decided she couldn't sit through the rehab and she left early. She called someone for a ride, but then took a ride with another person without telling anyone else. So basically, she did it for attention. She showed back up at our house that night and I was so disgusted with what she had just done and how worried she made everyone that I could barely speak to her. The next day, when my boyfriend's dad and step mom were over, his mom (Susan) made a smart comment directed towards me "Well, don't I just feel so welcome! I just might stay forever!" when she said that, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer so I told her about herself. Later on that night, my boyfriend and I were talking and he told me that we were gonna break up if I couldn't get along with his mom. I went in 'her' room and talked with her and she, once again, told me I was a little b*tch and she thinks i'm using her son blah blah blah. She also threw the abortion in my face. Which wasn't what I need to hear at the time. I told her that I felt like she manipulated me into an abortion and I was never going to forgive her. I started to let all of that go, but yet again in June she decided to start some more drama. She was asking if I was on birth control and since we didn't wanna lie to her, we told her know because it was causing all kinds of problems. She kept quiet for awhile, but a few days later she freaked out and called everyone telling them i was pregnant and that my boyfriend had been cheating on me the entire time we've been together. When I heard her say this to whoever she was on the phone with, I called my boyfriend and told him we needed to talk once he got home. When he walked in, I told him what I had heard. So we asked his mom what she was talking about and she pretty much admitted to lying about the whole thing. Once again, I was a selfish lying b*tch. She said I was a sociopath because I don't like dogs, yet she hates babies. I'm selfish for coming off of birth control when it makes me sooo sick. Apparently, I'm the one that's messed up in the head, but she called her son an 'it' until he was 3 months old and even then considered giving him up for adoption because she was so disgusted by him. In July, we find out that her niece Katie, who's 18, is pregnant. & of course his mom is mad, but she is being supportive. Telling Katie how proud she is of her, but is saying how stupid Katie is to me and my boyfriend. She's just two faced. Then in August of 2010, I got into it with my step mom AGAIN and she told me how she told my ten year old sister that I "killed her niece or nephew" and at that point I gave up on Susan (bf mom) I feel like she did me such an injustice by being manipulative and lying, but my boyfriend feels like I should've let it go a long time ago. His mom STILL lives with us because she cant seem to get her life together, so what do I do? I obviously love my boyfriend, but I hate his mom. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1196
   Posted 12/8/2010 1:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Get out, leave now while you can. run fast as possible. if your boyfriend loved you one bit he would have told his mom to back off and stood up for you but he lets her treat you like crap. if he loved you he would have not let you have that abortion or put you through hell. he is a grown man and should stand up to her. mama boys will not break from their moms and that is what he is. you need to leave, he will not change and you will be miserable for the rest of your life
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.

Im so lost.
New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/8/2010 1:17 PM (GMT -6)   
I know you're right. I just wonder if things would be different now. I know we're a lot closer now, but I don't know. It's so hard! Thank you soo much for your response and that quote is sooo true!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1196
   Posted 12/8/2010 1:23 PM (GMT -6)   
it is hard to leave when you love someone but sometimes no matter what you do it cant work out. if he cant put you first now then you dont need him. he has to realize when you are in a committed relationship that the partner comes first not the mom. he has sided with her over and over and basically forced you to go against your morals. never let a man nor woman force you to do something again that you dont want to do. you are a strong woman and you need to stay strong.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42201
   Posted 12/8/2010 1:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lost,

I agree with Worried girl. If he loves you he will come to be with you, without her. You will never be happy as long as she is in the picture. And as Worried girl said, he doesn't stand up for you. Are you still working? If so that is good, you can support yourself. Did you go back to school? I sure hope so. You can make something of your life still that you can be proud of. You are not any of the names that his mother calls you. Remember that. You are a good person. As for your family, I think it is so unfair what they are saying. You were persuaded into making a decision. It wasn't your fault. You may have days that you are going to feel bad about it, but remember you did what you felt was the right thing to do at the time.

Do keep posting and know that we are all here for you. I wish for you a wonderful day. Do get out of that situation. If you have to, give him some ultimatums. Like Mother leaves, or I leave. Or just do it, if you have a place set up to go. Let him know that you are going to control your own life. I do wish you the best.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 12/8/2010 2:23 PM (GMT -6)   

1. Never let anyone dictate to you what to do with your own body. (I know difficult to do when you are young and broke).
2. You have legal sovereignty to your own body. Plus there are programs to help you with birth control (planned parenthood clinics have low income birth control availability, and it might help to use multiple forms of birth control, to use both condoms and birth control medications) or helping to raise a child (there are free family law specialists that can help you in pursue support from the father of the child, once you file for government support) Seriously I have a friend that does this full time for our county, and another friend that is a NP in a planned parenthood clinic.
3. I think making the personal resolve that the only people who are in your life are people who treat you with dignity and respect. You have the right to be treated with dignity and respect, and people who do not do this or allow other people to treat you without dignity or disrespect that these are not people who you want in your life.
I do not think it is about handing down a demand of him, it is about making a personal resolve within yourself about how you are going to get treated. And any person that does not treat you with dignity and respect is not allowed to be within your presence.

Do what is best for you, because you are going to empower yourself here, and what the rules are about how you get treated.


Seriously, if you have the means set up your own place.  There is something to having the space of one's own. Once you are over twenty it is very difficult to ever live some else's house.

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All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 12/8/2010 1:46:33 PM (GMT-7)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/8/2010 4:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Good Afternoon,
I am so sorry that everything has gotten so messed up for you however it feels to me like you are strong enough to beat your problems.  I have been through a bit of what you are going through with my exhusband and his family so I know it takes determination and follow through to make your life better. 
This behavior with your boyfriend/in-law dynamics will not change ! Yes, at times in life you have to pick your battles but your BF's mother is already at war with you and with the bottle.  She is not going to change for you and needs to be out of your lives.  If your boyfriend cannot see this then, sweetie, it is time to let go of both of them.
Why your bf's Mother has to know what kind of BCP you are on is a mystery.   Please stand up for yourself because your man is never going to tell his mom where to go and he is siding against you now so imagine how your life would be if you stayed with him and his Mom. 
I hope you take to heart the words written here in the forum to you as we all want to see you safe, both emotionally and physically.  You deserve the best in life so take care of you right now.
Sending you much support.
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