Badly in need of a support & motivation

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ppink
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/8/2010 2:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello *waves* New here...*deep breath*
 
I am severely depressed and nothing seems to be working to help. I feel such guilt for allowing my depression to rule my life. I hate my job...no, no...lemme rephrase that. I deteste my job. I work in a call centre environment. I have people yell, threaten, manipulate and lie to me all day long about their credit card accounts. No, I can't find another job. It's a long story...but it's not possible, and yes I have tried.
 
I don't have a choice but to go back to work on Friday. I have been home, for 2.5 weeks, depressed and avoiding work. No money coming in...I can't let this go on.
 
I am up everyday (Mon-Fri) for work at 4:30am. I pray that I will make it out the door...and lately I just stop mid dressing and cry, crawl back into bed and avoid it all.
 
Thankfully my doctor is aware of the problem and depression, so I still have a job, but I can't do this any longer. I NEED help! Yep...I"ve been to shrinks and counsellors, no one seems to help. The Zoloft helps some, but it affects me negatively in other ways. (yay for side affects)
 
I'm hoping to find some support...kind people to help motivate me and eventually I can help motivate them when I'm feeling a little like my old self...I have some great people in my life, but I can't lean on them anymore...it's the guilt thing...y'know how it is....

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 12/8/2010 2:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Pink,

Why is it that you can't get a different job? If you have put your applications in at places, just keep bugging them. That is what I did.

You can't hide anymore. You have to go to work to support yourself unless you file for disability for your mental health problems. Do you have any other health problems that would qualify you for disability? If not, work it is...

Do you have anxiety before work that you think some type of medication might help? Like xanax or valium? I take xanax for anxiety and it really does help. You might want to talk to your doc about that.

Just because counseling didn't help you before, doesn't mean it wont help you now. Maybe you have a different outlook on things, or just a different counselor might help. But I am going to list a couple of free counseling sites that might help you. And I highly recommend a book called "Feeling Good" By Dr. David Burns. I think it would help you.

I am a hard one for preaching about staying in bed because I did it for two years with fibromyalgia and depression. I didn't get out of the bed only to eat and use the bathroom or go to the doctor. I wasted two years of my life in bed. But I have learned from it and I do get out now, though it isn't easy. I can tell you to just do it, but I know that it isn't that easy. But you are at the point where you have to do something.

Do you ever meditate? It really helps to soothe the mind and soul. Maybe some meditation in the morning before you get up and about would help. Or even some motivating music. Something to help you to face the day. I know that it is hard, especially if you don't like your job. I know what you are going through. But you are stronger than you think you are. It took a lot of courage to come here and let things out. I truly give you credit for that. And I know that others will be on soon to offer their support. Keep posting, it does a person good to write things down and then read the feelings that you have written about. So keep it up.

I answered on quick reply so I have to edit my post to print the sites for you so that you can just click on them...
 
 
There you go my friend.  Thanks for visiting us.  I am sure that you will have more replies with ideas for you.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

ppink
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/8/2010 3:04 PM (GMT -6)   
@getting by I don't qualify for any other type of work and can't afford schooling to further my education. No, don't qualify for loans, or disability. I don't qualify for any gov't help actually. I'm stuck with the job I have, for the rest of my life.

I have thought about anxiety medication...and forgot about that possibility. Perhaps that may be something I should look into with the doctor. The Zoloft just isn't helping...I don't *feel* very depressed otherwise (which is actually surprising to me since I have had major depression for many years). The rest of my life is going well...work just stresses me out. Thank you! :D I think I'll talk to the doctor about this. *looks hopeful*

I do enjoy listening to certain TV program in the morning. It helps motivate me to get moving and I have stopped doing that recently. Hmm...I can see where I have fallen away on things that work.

I really do wnat to solve this issue before it becomes something that affects my relationship. (I have a wonderful relationship with a gentleman. He doesn't know how much I've been struggling on and off this past year. I am trying hard to solve this problem on my own.)

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 12/8/2010 9:00 PM (GMT -6)   
PPink,
I'm assuming you don't live in the United States since you say you don't qualify for any other kind of work. That's really tough & a hard thing for most of us to imagine. Continuing to talk to your doctor about other meds & therapies that you can try is a good idea.
Other than that, I think about the only option is to try denial. Believe that the customers who are calling you are really, truly good people who are telling you the truth about their situation. Say out loud that you like your customers several times a day. I know that sounds crazy but my first job I was contracted for a year & a few months into it I was terribly depressed. I started sending out resumes to other organizations, doing the same kind of work but with different people -- which can make a big difference. Neurolinguistic research shows that when we say something, even if we don't believe it, it starts to change our thought process. By saying that I really liked my customers (I called them my "little angels" -- started out sarcastic, but eventually I could say it with a straight face), I began to change how I felt about my job. It still really wasn't the job for me, but I didn't hate my customers or dread going to work every day.

I'm not sure what kind of work you want to do, but there are private scholarship foundations around the world. One of those is The Rotary Foundation. The provide study abroad scholarships for students who have completed at least 2 years of undergraduate study (in any field) prior to their scholarship year -- they take applications 12-18 months ahead of time. Those scholarships tend to be for humanities -- medicine, peace studies, early childhood education, water & sanitation. They are one of the largest private scholarship foundations, but there are other options as well. Perhaps you can find a private scholarship that will allow you to train for a different field. But that is for the long term. For now, it is a matter of believing that your job is good, your customers are good, your co-workers are good -- until you can find another workplace, another field, or whatever other change may be required to help you feel happy and fulfilled at work. I agree with Karen that, based on personal experience, giving into the depression & staying home only gets worse with time. The longer you stay home, the harder it is to get motivated to go back to work. I got to the point where I was so terrified that I didn't even want to go to the town I worked in, then I didn't want to go to the next closest town, then I started ordering my groceries for delivery because I didn't want to leave my home, then I didn't want to go down to get my mail or do laundry, and finally I couldn't bring myself to leave my bedroom. At the end of the day, I lost that job I hated & that brought me into a deeper depression. It took me months to find other work & that was even worse -- the pay was a lot less, it had no benefits & the boss was totally psycho. Things are turning around now, but I would never make those choices again b/c they snowball too quickly. I would get out of bed & get dressed & go to work no matter how I felt about it.

I would post my dreams on my refrigerator so I remembered what I am working toward 5 years from now. I would focus on the positive & if there wasn't anything positive, I would make something up. I would do that job to the best of my ability, knowing that doing so would prepare me better for the next job I hold. And it would buy me some more time & money to try to get back in school to train for something else, rather than landing me unemployed & penniless, scrimping to buy food, never mind trying to pay for school or training. Please don't be as short-sighted as I was. Go to work if for no other reason than to make sure you can set yourself up for another, better job.

Hope that helps!
frances

TraciZ
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 255
   Posted 12/8/2010 9:09 PM (GMT -6)   
ugh. Things seem hopeless for you and hopelessness is the cousin of depression. However, the brain is the only organ that you can change by thinking! It's called neuroplasticity. When you think similar thoughts, connections in your brain strengthen. So, thinking negative, self-defeating thoughts will generate more negative, self-defeating thoughts. If you can break that cycle and start by reframing your thoughts in a more positive way, that will strengthen positive connections in your brain making it easier to think positive things!

It's so easy to get stuck in a rut and not know what you want to have different in your life or how to get it. Indecision is another cousin of depression.

Stay strong, remember that now is not forever and that you have the power to get what you want. It won't happen overnight, but once you decide what you want, you can then take small baby steps toward your goal and eventually, you'll achieve it!

You're not alone now that you found healing well.
UC Relapse after about 2+ years in remission. Stress, I think.
Self prescribed Asacol 4 pills 3X's/day, Canasa in am and Rowasa in pm
(left over from previous rx's) Waiting for my GI appt 1/3/11!!!!

ppink
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/8/2010 9:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with you all. Allowing myself to focus on the negative thinnking only makes things spiral into a worse state of mind. I *will* claw my way out of this. One day at a time. Unfortunately the idea of a scholarship isn't possible....for a lot of reasons, but I just don't qualify for them...lonnnng story, but one day, if I work at it, I will achieve my goals. I have simple goals, but them seem overwhelming right now.

What are my goals? LOL I actually want to go from a full-time job in a call centre (where I am now) to be married to my wonderful man and working part-time in a job that I can actually *help* people at. I know though in order to get there I need to do this now. I need to work where I am working and stay above water, stay healthy....

My bf is a wonderful person, but I don't want to lean on him in a negative way. We have been together for 9 months. This is only the beginning! I don't want to lose my footing now when things are awesome between us. Besides, for my own mental health and well-being regardless if we stay together or not, I need to maintain a healthy lifestyle which includes getting up and going to work everyday.

I think I'll be back often, guys, to remind myself of my goals...to know that there are others who are going through there own struggles in life. I thank you for the support and encouragement. It means so much to me. :)

TraciZ
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 255
   Posted 12/8/2010 9:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry, just a thought, have you been checked physically to make sure there's nothing medically causing the depression? It sounds like you have some situational stuff, but vitamin D and the B's also thyroid problems have been connected to depression.

What was your old self like and what triggered the change? How long have you been depressed and is this your first time feeling this way? Do you have any time when you feel the opposite way, like on top of the world?
UC Relapse after about 2+ years in remission. Stress, I think.
Self prescribed Asacol 4 pills 3X's/day, Canasa in am and Rowasa in pm
(left over from previous rx's) Waiting for my GI appt 1/3/11!!!!

ppink
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/8/2010 9:27 PM (GMT -6)   
I have had bouts of depression my entire life, since I was three years old, actually. I have had multiple tests and they don't see any vitamin D or B problems that could be triggering this. Although I do get affected by the lack of sunlight. (I'm up at 4:30pm and not off work until 3:15pm...I don't get much sun, as I'm up before the sun rises and home usually as it's just starting to get dark. By the time I'm home and settled, the sun is definitely disappearing.)

I have had a lot of...drama and trauma in my life which doesn't help the depression. The "old self" I'm referring to, is the person I am able to be when I am with my bf on the weekends. I feel relaxed and protected around him. He listens and is extremely kind...All of this allows me to relax and not worry about work (my greatest stress). There are things that help with relieving the depression....uhm...the endorphines from...uhm...intimacy, for one thing. lol *blush*

TraciZ
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 255
   Posted 12/8/2010 9:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Since you've been having bouts of depression your whole life, that must mean that you've had bouts of wellness your whole life, too. You know, those periods in between the depressions? That means that you'll recover from this bout, too. It'll take time. Be patient with yourself. It's good to hear that you can enjoy time with bf and get a little relief from your symptoms.

It's hard to get yelled at all the time. What can you do to think differently about work, you know, so it doesn't bother you so much? What kind of boundaries can you put into place to protect yourself from the abuse at work? You can't control others, you don't think you can control your work situation, but you can control what you think about these things and how you respond!
UC Relapse after about 2+ years in remission. Stress, I think.
Self prescribed Asacol 4 pills 3X's/day, Canasa in am and Rowasa in pm
(left over from previous rx's) Waiting for my GI appt 1/3/11!!!!
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