How should we handle this?

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darkpsy3934
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/9/2010 2:49 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this, so feel free to move it if I put it in the wrong place. To start off, I am a female with Turner Syndrome. I don't have any functioning ovaries (they were removed), and was raised as a male. My husband happens to have Klinefelter's Syndrome (47,XXY). Because of his ambiguous genitals, he was raised as a female. We are now looking to correct that and live life as the genders we were born as.

We are going to therapy, and we have come out to friends and co-workers. A good majority of them said they promise to respect our wishes and refer to us correctly. There, however, is one individual who says she accepts our decision yet refuses to respect our wishes. It happens to be my husband's superior. We tried telling her that being referred to incorrectly is a source of great frustration and anger. I actually lost my temper somewhat when she referred to my husband as "she". I attempted to correct her, which turned into an argument. We were told we had to be assertive, that habits are sometimes hard to break, but I'm at my wit's end. I suggested to my husband that we move somewhere else where no one would know us, and we could start fresh, but that will take time to save up the money to move.

My husband seems to think that his manager will fall in line eventually once she starts hearing everyone else referring to him correctly. Even talking to our therapist, I still pretty much cry myself to sleep. I just need someone else's point of view.

Thanks for reading.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42434
   Posted 12/9/2010 2:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

And welcome to HealingWell. It may take time for your husband's boss to get use to the change. Maybe she is use to things being a certain way. People sometimes have a hard time adjusting and this might be so in his bosses case. It might be confusing to her. I would give it time before I make any decisions and you can be preparing for a move in the meantime. If that is what you think will make things seem okay for both of you. How did you two meet? If you don't mind me asking. It is a coincidence that you two found eachother I am sure.

Keep posting, I am sure you will get more advice.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

darkpsy3934
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/9/2010 3:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Karen!

We actually lived literally 2 minutes apart when we were growing up. Things just kept going from there. There came a time when I said to him, "We have to talk, there's something I have to tell you." He said he also had something to tell me too. At that point, I told him about my condition, and that I am genetically female. It was then he said, "So? I am actually a guy, but I have XXY chromosomes." From that point on, we knew we were meant for each other.

My husband is actually at work right now. The manager I spoke of seems to be avoiding him like the plague, only stopping to say goodbye or to tell him what needs done. He wants to sit down with her and talk things through, I don't think that's such a good idea.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42434
   Posted 12/9/2010 4:17 PM (GMT -6)   
I guess that he is going to do what feels is right for him. It sounds like it is bothering him and he wants to set things straight. Or maybe get things off of his chest to make the working atmosphere more comfortable again. But you could be right and it might not go over well. I guess only time will tell and you will find out when he gets home. I hope that it works out well.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 12/11/2010 5:10 AM (GMT -6)   
my testes are silicon implants. stemmed from a very early dx of hypogonadism, very young, but ultimately it was annorchia. was very androgenous myself. now fine, but infertile. on testosterone for life. with compassion, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42434
   Posted 12/11/2010 7:06 AM (GMT -6)   
How did things go for your husband? Keep us posted and know that we care.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 12/11/2010 12:05 PM (GMT -6)   
If you do want to pursue this there is possibly some legal recourse. If you are in the US the EEOC might be of assistance.

this is directly off the EEOC website:

"Discriminatory practices under these laws also include:
harassment on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, disability, genetic information, or age; "

http://www.eeoc.gov/facts/qanda.html
 
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