Please help me I just need someone to listen to me!

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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 12/9/2010 6:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Ok I just want to start by saying hello everyone im new to this website and im just looking for anyone to try and console my problems im having in life right. I didn't know who else to talk to so I choose to state my problems on this website. I think I'll just start by getting EVERYTHING off my chest which might take a while and I'll just start and apologize now for the length my post will be.
Well im a 17 year old girl, im 5'5 and about 290-300 lbs. When I look in the mirror I don't really see myself as obese, but maybe just overweight I think maybe my height takes up for the weight. Me being this size causes constant bullying and teasing from my peers at school. It all started in 6th grade. I went to the worst middle school one could imagine the kids always fought everyday about the dumbest things, we had constant stampedes in the walkways it was a complete MESS! During this time period in my life I was and still am the shy, quiet person to people who I didn't know. The rebellion and wildness of the children was unlike anything I had every seen in my life before. I was amazed at how children could act like this towards each other and adults. A few months into school is when the taunting started. I would have people come up to me and say ewww and run away, they would make jokes right in my face and bust out laughing like hyenas. There was this one girl especially who I remember she was the ABSOLUTE WORST. She talked about everyone 24/7 and still managed to have friends. I don't know what I did to her, but I was one of her favorite people to mess with. She would come up and sniff me and say I stink because I have so much fat to wash I can't get it all. She'd pull my hair, step on my shoes, call me ugly, tell me to shut up out of nowhere etc., Then random people while walking down the hallway would tell me to get my fat or big, ugly *** out the way. I had barely any friends at all, just many acquintances. I also remember the next year I had a class full of people that would always talk about me with me knowing until one girl told me about them. She said they would say I have rabies and I'll never have a boyfriend in my entire life with the way I look. A lot of people always talk about my nose and say I look like a pig. That pig comment has followed me all the way into high school and it really makes me feel worse about everything. Fast fowarding into high school I would say the taunting has somewhat improved, but it's still here. I don't really have many friends, just many acquaintances. Most of them would describe me as goofy, funny person. Another that I have a problem with is how I let people walk over me. I let people talk to me any kind of way and I won't do or say anything. I think I allow this because of my mother. I love my mother, but the way she treats me makes me upset at times. She is a woman with a short temper and is very stressed out nowadays because she can barely find work to pay for the bills and our house. Anyway me having not a lot of people to talk to all the time, I look to her to have a conversation with, but she doesn't like to talk to me. Sometimes even if it's something important she still won't talk to me. She rarely calls me by my name I 'll find he calling me fat ***, big ***, n****, stupid, moron, or idiot. Sometimes she even tells me she doesn't love me. She doesn't really seem to care if I have something to say or really anything. Something else im having trouble with is my grandma. When I was nine we found out my grandma had diabetes. A year later when she went to go have a polyp removed we found out she has colon cancer. She had it for seven years now. It makes me upset to even think about her having this disease. We don't really talk about her and her cancer. In fact she kept it a secret from the rest of the family for a few years. There was a few occasions where I would ask my mother about it. A year ago I remember my grandma saying the doctors are going to stop her chemotherapy treatments for a month and half because she was going into remission. Then when I asked my mother about the how the cancer is doing she said she doesn't have colon cancer it's just cancer, it spread to some of her other organs. What also makes me upset is the way I me and my mother treat her. My grandma is sort of a paronoid and insane person. It's not from the cancer she's just always been that way, but that being said she is also a cleaning fanatic. She can't stand to see something not clean. So that's when she goes into her maid role. She washes everyone's clothes, does dishes, vaacums, dusts, etc. and I feel bad about this because my and my mother are two lazy slobs who never clean anything. I'll do the dishes every now and then, but I know that this is still not enough and I should be doing these things. It makes me feel like a spoiled brat. A month ago I also found out my grandfather has colon cancer. I remember when I took biology my teacher said anyone born without gene p53 will get cancer. Since both my grandmother and grandfather have cancer neither one of them have gene p53. Meaning my mother doesn't have it either im guessing. My mother is a nicotine fan. She smokes a pack of cigarettes each day. I try and tell her to stop or hide her cigarettes, but neither works. I don't want my mother to develop anything like cancer, but I don't know what to do. That's why when I hear people talk about cancer or hearing something on t.v. about cancer I can't bear to hear about it. It scares me so bad and im constantly thinking about my chances of getting the disease based on my familys' genetics. While talking about health issues I also want to say I think I may have OCD and ADD. I do these things sort of like rituals everyday because a little voice inside my head tells me to do it or something bad will happen. (ex. I can't walk through a certain threshold in my house, If there are dishes in the sink the have to be washed before I can a computer, I can't look at certain objects in our house, If my tounges touches my top lip it has to touch my bottom lip, After I use the remote I have to wipe my hand on something and wiggle my fingers until I count to 5 twice etc.) The reason I think I have ADD is because in school whenever we'll read something as a class or when the teacher is talking I tend to zone out into my own little world or even sometimes when someone is talking to me to my face I blank out. I've tried to tell my mother, but she thinks im being an a******. Another thing I battle with our thoughts going around in my head. Everyday im constantly thinking about something related to death. In my head I have to think these certain thoughts in a specific order or something bad will happen.
Now I'd just like to finish by saying I hate myself. I go to school and I feel like a beast or monster walking down the hallway. I wish I was skinny and pretty so I could have a boyfriend. Im tired of being ugly. Sometimes I even want to die because im just tired of life. I feel like no one wants me or cares about me. Thank you for ever read this and listened to what I had to say

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 51
   Posted 12/9/2010 7:03 PM (GMT -6)   
i am soo sorry you're dealing and had to dealt with those issues at school.

no one has any right to judge you without getting to know you and even then no one has the right to talk about you in any manner.

you're doing great by ignoring the criticism and by not paying attention to what any one says.

but have you ever considered counseling, it helps a a lot and you'll have someone that'll listen to you and give you the best advice possible without the fear of them judging you.

you deserve to be happy.

and i hope everything works out for you

keep your head high and don't ever give up have faith <3

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 12/9/2010 7:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I have dealt with weight issues myself for years and finally decided that being healthy is much more important than being skinny...I have been out of school for many years, but let me tell you that after high school every changes, skinny people get fat and fat ones get skinny, the pretty ones dont always age as well and the ugly ones can end up looking the best when they get older. I know this may not seem possible at this time in your life but it is true. Make yourself the best person you can be, be someone that makes you proud, treat others like you want to be treated, smile and hang in there. I am glad you found this site, I just found it too....peace&love

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 12/9/2010 7:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you both for your wise words and @whathurtsthemost - Well I talked to one of my teachers about my problems and she suggested like a therapy for both me and my mother, but the thing is like we would have to find like a free therapy and then I rely on my mother for transportation and she doesn't care at all or thinks I need therapy.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 12/9/2010 7:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Princess,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. You have taken a huge step by posting here. I am glad that you have joined us.

You are handling life's situations really well. I am really proud of you. You have come to recognize things for what they are early on in life. You are doing good.

Continue to ignore the other student's remarks and remember when somebody is unkind to you, it generally means that they themselves are not happy. Take it with a grain of salt.

Do think about counseling. It does help. It gives you direction and support.

I am sorry that your mom says mean things to you. I can see that you love her and your grandmother a lot. That is good. Continue with that. With your ocd about the dishes, actually you are helping your grandmother by doing them. So that is kind of a win win situation. But I would talk to a counselor about the ocd and the add problems. Luckily you have recognized that and can work on it.

Focus on getting healthy. Your weight is high. And that is hard on your heart. But do it for you. Try to get exercise, walking is the best. Start out slowly. And gradually work your way up. Try to do this every day. It is also a nice way to meet other people. As long as you are in a safe area.

Keep posting. I will find some teen sites for you to check out too. It may help you.

Take care, and keep posting.

Hello to Blondeorchid too.

Hugs, Karen
I hope that some of these sites help you.
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 12/9/2010 5:41:30 PM (GMT-7)

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/10/2010 12:40 AM (GMT -6)   

I'm sorry you feel that way. Life is tough, no one said it would be easy. We all experience things that stress us out and make us consider death. But it's those who overcome these problems that grow up to be strong, genuine and compassionate individuals. Consider those bullies your source of strength. Even though right now you hate yourself... Things will change and you'll realize how your tough past has molded you into a beautiful human being. And I doubt your ugly. I always thought beauty was something you were born with... Something you got or you don't. But I've realized that we all have the ability to be beautiful. If your weight is whats putting you down just try to lose some pounds. I know it's a lot of work but trust me, once you get your perfect body your life will pull a 180. Your confidence will go up and you'll feel fit and active... Not to mention feel sexy. Make losing weight your goal, and once you meet it you'Ll be super proud of yourself for accomplishing it. This may sound dorky but nothing feels better than the feeling of accomplishment. You're in highschool, you should male sure you focus on academia also. This is your chance to shine. And don't say your stupid... I've noticed that ones ability to try makes them smart. And if you're already doing the academic thing then right on!
I know it's hard to deal with your mom... She's just stressed out. You have to love yourself before you can others. Perhaps try to help her fix her life.
Keep working on yourself and somewhere there you'll meet that perfect someone, you just have to have faith in yourself.
Make some goals and get going missy!
Life is a competition and you're in the game to WIN right?

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 51
   Posted 12/16/2010 4:18 PM (GMT -6)   
sorry for my delayed response :)

i hope things are getting better for you :)

you should ask your teacher if there are some others alternatives that you and your mom can attend to at your school such as speaking to a counselor at your school first . and either your teacher or a counselor can help you by calling your mom and setting up a meeting with that counselor at your school that can help you both but for your mom to attend without realizing that person is a counselor at your school so she can attend without being pushed away of the idea of speaking to a counselor, and your counselor can hopefully refer you to a therapist that meets your needs.
i hope things take a turn for the best between you and your mom, because a mother/daughter relationship is one of the best relationships anyone could ever have with a person. :)

have faith and dont give up hope :)
keep us updated :)
all of us at healing well are here to listen and provide encouraging words whenever you need it :)
take care :)

Post Edited (whathurtsthemost) : 12/16/2010 2:25:57 PM (GMT-7)

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