Severely Depressed :(

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DecemberBaby1984
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 12/11/2010 10:09 PM (GMT -6)   
I just don't know what to do anymore. I know I have problems and need help badly, I just don't have the will or motivation. It seems like I'm been depressed & suicidal since kindergarten. I'm 26 now. That's a long time of feeling worthless. That's 21 years of my life out the window. Completely wasted. How can somebody who is so tenderhearted and kind be so hateful, sinful, anger-filled, and self-destructive at the same time??? I love you one minute, then want to tear your head off the next, then immediately afterwards I feel like a complete moron. That's when I feel like dying. The littlest things set me off. I'm paranoid all the time. Stupid stuff like thinking an intruder is in the house, so I lock my bedroom door when I'm by myself. I assume everybody is talking crap about me and they are staring at me because I'm ugly. These idiotic thoughts consume my life 24/7. I even get pissed off in my sleep. I have worn down a spot on my front tooth from grinding my teeth in anger. How stupid is that? I didn't get a boyfriend until I was 25, but 8 months later, the relationship has gone off the deep end. My two biggest faults are anger & jealousy. I have run so many people off with my temper that I just don't have any friends anymore. 100% my fault. And God forbid I see my boyfriend saying hi to an old female friend in public. I will literally have to hold myself back from beating both of them into a pulp. It's not fair to him. Is he perfect, well only Jesus was perfect, of course not. But I just beat him down so badly he is finding it harder & harder to forgive me. When he tells me it's over, this wave of emotions comes over me and I can barely speak thru the flood of tears. I can't keep doing this crap. I need some help & just don't know where to go. Extremely strapped income & no insurance. Really really sucks.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 12/12/2010 2:36 AM (GMT -6)   
hi dec baby 1984. best start is with your gp. an on referal to a community psychiatrist is the next step. to help you and other people is to journal some of what is happening. there maybe some patterning. hoping you find some relief soon. it does get better,

jamie. schizo-affective disorder, emotionally unstable personality disorder, former severe borderline personality disorder, now borderline type axis 2. still have remnants,
bi-ploar affective disorder, axis 1.

keep posting, we care. jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42438
   Posted 12/12/2010 7:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Decemberbaby and Happy birthday....

It sounds to me like you need to talk to somebody about a mood stabilizer. I would make an appointment with a psychiatrist if I were you. You are suffering in silence and you need not do this any longer.

I know the feelings of jealousy and paranoia. That can be remedied. Take life one day at a time. Try to give your boyfriend the benefit of a doubt when you are feeling jealous. You have addressed this situation by posting here and that is a start. Get help before you blow. I take abilify and it helps me with my moods and not thinking too much. Which I do a lot.

Best wishes

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 12/12/2010 6:32 PM (GMT -6)   
yes, a big yes to abilify. glad that it was reinstated. definately helps!!!! jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

sebmad
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 12/13/2010 4:11 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm very depressed and have started Lamtical, currently at 25mg so I feel nothing yet.  I hear great things about it once it takes effect.  I'm hoping I'm once of those people it helps.  I have been through just about every med out there.  Lamtical is a moood stabiler that is suppose to help really well with depresion.  You might want to ask about Lamitcal.
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